War and Peace

I am stunned by the condition of the world. The bombing of innocent Gaza neighborhoods and the shooting of a plane with vacationers is one more thing this week that leaves me disgusted and fearful  about the way the world is tipping.

Is it because we no longer make eye contact with strangers as we use to? (Instead, we are looking at our phones and laptops.) When did we start seeing immigrants as enemies and how can it be that so many want to send so many children back to a very difficult and in some cases tortuous life?

Somehow we've traveled from a belief of abundance to a belief of scarcity. I use the word 'belief' because isn't it true that there is actually enough? 

Ubuntu. I am because we are. 

My 2 cents: if you haven't already, better figure out what you can do to combat bad energy and people doing bad things. We know what things are bad. Consider yourself a part of the new Underground Railroad. We need one another more than ever. 

If you have any ideas about how the world can be more peaceful, I'd love to hear them. 

Love

kj

Abundant Love

Today, July 19th, is my beloved daughter's birthday. I could not be prouder of her.

To Jessica

Take both eyes, both hands,

My legs and arms, 

Even take the precious German clock

And every special book.

Take my bank account,

All twenty photo albums,

My garden in August

And the miraculous April rain.

Take it all if you can promise. 

I knew in the instant this would be so.

I’m into any burning house,

On to a frigid raft at sea,

I’m ripping the mangled steel with my bare hands.

Anything, anything for this girl.

The edgeless corners of the truest love

And the endless reserve of cavernous protection

Surround this child who lives within and without,

This fantabulous kid with the crack up wit

And the tender expansive heart.

Take it all, whether you are a son-of-a-bitch

Or an evolving angel, 

Whether the cost is temporary or forever,

Take it all to shelter this child

Through every molecular motion and moment. 

Given the chance to love like this, 

The price of my sightless limbless body

And wiped clean barren possessions

Amounts to nothing more than shiny pennies and

And effortless will

Thoughts on Friendship

Mark and I became friends in Erlangen Germany in the early 1970's. I was a counselor at the artillery base where he was stationed and gosh, I liked him and we liked each other. All of us were far from from home so the friendships we formed were deep and important. Mark and I cooked a turkey together for Thanksgiving one year. We worked and laughed together. I was married but he was the kind of guy I always wanted to date: handsome, safe, easy going, fun, smart. I was so glad we were friends.

I don't know why we didn't keep in touch when we returned to the States. Every so often I've tried to find him on Facebook or Google, but for whatever reason only two nights ago did I track him down and learned he had died in 2010.

What a weird sad and familiar feeling. Something seems to be coming round after forty-plus years and it feels so strange. I've been married, divorced, remarried, raised a daughter, built a career, and now I am also writing books and tending gardens and loving grandchildren.

And in the midst of my life now, my past has found me. I've reconnected with neighborhood and high school friends I haven't spoken to while these years have rolled by. I know Facebook has a lot to do with this, but not just. Last year I spent an evening with friends from junior high school including Max, who as a gawky 13 year old I adored and I knew he was out of my league. But that's not what he told me last year. "I would have been interested if I had known you were," he said. I'll be damned.

This has been a year when I am aware of older (versus old). I am aware that I could suddenly die. I don't say that morbidly: I am just aware in a way that my 36 year old daughter is not. JB and I had some trouble lugging out the lawn furniture from the cellar this year, and I know from my hip and back and knee pain that I don't walk with the bounce I've had.

I also view friends differently. I am more and less patient at the same time. Last week the husband of one of my closest friends did something dishonest and manipulative in an attempt to avoid paying us for something that he broke. This was not the first time and I'm finished with him. I'm comfortable with that. I don't like him and so he won't like me. This is no doubt going to affect my friend and I hope we will weather it through. I don't know if I will tell her I worry about her because of him.

Like myself I have friends who are not perfect and do stupid things some times. I'm more tolerant because I understand no one is here to please me. It's better that we each are as much ourselves as possible and with that we make mistakes and do our best. It seems I've recently lost a friend here in the blogs and I have no idea why. Maybe it has nothing to do with me but I accept that. Maybe there's a time and place for friends and often I've found that means not forever. I don't like that fact but I accept it more gracefully than I would have in the past.

Back to my friend Mark. How weird to grieve someone I have not spoken to in forty years and who died four years ago. But I do grieve. How well I remember the fun we had together. I'm thinking I'll call Max in California tonight. And I'm thinking the days ahead are totally up to me. That is both a blessing and a responsibility.  I'm glad to know.

How about you? Any thoughts on this?

Love

kj

P.S. twelve hours after I wrote this Max called me. Out of the blue….

Mish Mssh

Hello and happy summer to those of us lucky enough to finally have warm days and verdant landscapes. This is the view from the public bathrooms at the park next to my house. The photo's been touched up by this iPhone app called Percolator.  

It was a special day for my Mother. We her Family came together for her spotlight tribute at the Linda Manor Nursing Home. She is now 98 years old, lives alertly and vibrantly despite no working memory, and is kind with a great wit. My Mother is a gem.

JB and I took a week's vacation. We headed to Provincetown where, except for two weeks, for most of the summer our new house will be rented. But we had a week there. This is our little yard. I am in awe that this house has happened to us. 1400 square feet one block from the ocean. 

And super cozy. 

I'm gaining confidence in my photography skills, which is a hoot because all I have is a good eye. I know nothing technical except point and shoot. Still, I like this shot: roses from our yard.

JB's lifelong friend from Des Moines Iowa came to visit for a few days. Along with her husband, we had a grand time. JB bought fresh tuna right off the boat and we grilled outside on the deck, ate all our meals there, actually. 

Said friend used to be a synchronized swimmer and didn't hesitate to swim in the chill ocean of Race Point. It was a wonderful beautiful day.

And evening. We walked home from our favorite restaurant, The Mews, and the sky put on quite a show. The light was incredible.

This is JB. I love her dearly. She has had a rough patch this year and we're seeing light at the end of a difficult tunnel. Hopeful good news. 

And finally: feel free to smile if not laugh out loud at this picture of my Mother in her wheelchair and baby Reese in her carrier. There is 97 years difference between them. We are four generations of strong women. Reese arrived after three brothers. I'm ready with the hot pink nail polish I am not allowed to put on the boys. 

I missed all of last summer because of knee surgery and this summer I'm appreciating most days. I need very little paid work these days (a benefit of aging) so I have time to write my book, plant my garden, sip my French Roast coffee, play with my (beloved) grandchildren, enjoy my family and friends, and ponder what I hope for ahead. I hope for a lot ahead. 

love

kj

Days

Dear All:  (I stole this greeting from a FB friend just today)   :^)

1. I am indeed writing a novel. I try to write at least an hour a day. I'm excited by it. Christine the mother is my favorite character. She has spunk. I am trying to THINK about what I want this story to be, rather than just write and see where the story lands.  Writing is a lot harder than it looks. But sometimes when you write you just glide….

2. I am a little obsessed about these kids really knowing me. I see them and their parents maybe twice a month.  Is that enough? I'm not sure. This is not a good thing to be insecure about. :^( 

3. It's death by chocolate followed by a drunken brawl.

 4. Provincetown is at the very tip of this. At the very very end. Our place is rented out most of the summer. Janet and I have a week there starting Sunday. Turns out it is hard to rent the house because we worry about it. I hope every one there this summer enjoys good energy and happy times.  Starting with the renters there now. Not necessarily reflective of the folks before them...

5. So not being in Provincetown, I am in Western Massachusetts at a time when the growing season is a joy. Now there are fresh strawberries; next come the blueberries and then the peaches and corn and then tomatoes and summer squash. The farm stand is just down the street. This photo is the neighboring small for-real-quaint town of Williamsburg. My favorite is that neon gas station sign. It's old.

 6. I'm not blogging as much because of Facebook. For example, I already posted this photo of the right side of my house on Facebook. I made a comment about those glow-in-the dark stones not glowing in the dark. I don't like that I've said the same thing in two places. And by loyalty and rights, I think the photo deserved to be on my beloved blog first. xo

 7. I had the boys for 31 hours, starting on Wednesday at noon and ending on Thursday at 7 at night. They/we bowled, slurped, rode, got wet, played ball, shopped, ate, colored, read, and chilled. We had a great time. I adore them. Their mom is my Jessica. See # 2 above for  extra insight.

8. There will probably come a time when JB and I will live in Provincetown and not here; all the more reason why I just love looking out at the birds in our birdbath. There are two chunky robins that just splash themselves silly. I slow to a crawl when I watch them. It is very nice.

This is a summary of my last few weeks. I've also returned to work for a time. All in all I'm doing okay.  Not to say I don't ponder my life. How about you?

love

kj