Friday, December 14, 2012

Little Gifts # 5


It hasn't always been this way.

When my daughter was young, she begged me not to embarrass her. She had to fit in and my single Mom same sex status was hard on her. It was not until her first year in college that in a flash she was no doubt proud of me and there were no more secrets. 

A little gift? NO. Not little at all. But I'm calling it that because the change in the world at large these past years, while disturbing to some for religious and other reasons, is another step in allowing people, all people, to be who they are. Little by little that filters down through families into communities and all the way to oppressive governments.

A few years back  I loved a woman who loved me but she was homophobic in ways that sometimes broke my skin. She reminded me that mostly I am insulated by  people who accept and don't make exceptions about what for me are civil rights. In her own way that was her little gift to me. I would not want to be ambivalent about myself or anyone else. 

 I'd like to hear about your own experience, from whatever vantage point you occupy. 

love  
kj



22 comments:

  1. what are you saying kj? Are you gay? OMG FFS SMH hahahahahahahaha

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    1. Mark, how quickly you jump to conclusions. Psychic ability?

      :-)

      Love love
      kj

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  2. i am from the south. (scary statement eh?) i am from the bible belt. (even scarier?) and it's scary to many because change is not easy. one of the boys that i was counseling the last couple years...the first time i met him, before even giving me his name told me he was gay, as a defense mechanism, because he was not accepted by many and he knew it would push people away...i responded, 'and...', several of my good friends are homosexual, they are good people, i know due to the religeousity of where i live they dont always get to express themselves completely....and i find that rather sad, but i do think things are getting better...

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    1. Brian, things have improved a zillion percent. That much is clear. Hell, i posted this without a thought. But civil rights is still elusive. And bullying is still real.

      I understand the complexities. But not enough to not tolerate 'less than'

      Thanks for your comment, Brian. Rock on

      Love
      kj

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  3. This week in our country a 15 year old schoolgirl killed herself by jumping under a train. Suicide of youngsters who are extremely bullied (verbal and physical) by other kids about being homosexual is growing. I have no words for this cruel behaviour and I am sad to read how much trouble gay people still have nowadays.

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    1. Wieneke, bullying of any kind for any reason is the underbelly of intolerance. Today there has been a horrific massacre of 20 small children at school. Today I am thinking about gun control and mental illness ss and how my country deals with neither

      Today my personal freedom and circumstance pales

      Love always
      kj

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    2. Of course, Karen, I have seen on television last night what has happened in Newtown, Connecticut. We are all deeply shocked here and have no words for this enormous tragedy.

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  4. My favourite and best niece is gay and married the love of her life in South Africa two years ago,against parental wishes and with lots of pain. I admire and adore her for being who she is and what she is and I say 'What the fuck has it got to do with anybody what anyone does in bed?
    Why can't everyone just leave everyone else to just 'BE'?

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    1. Not just in bed joss: in life

      You are the best family member xoxo

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  5. I don't believe that our souls have a gender. We love who we love.

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  6. I have never understood WHY people are singled out do to sexual preference; I've had gay friends almost all my life (yes, even when I was young, but at that age, you just know they're FRIENDS...)
    People now are so afraid of ANYTHING they see as different, frightening, threatening, when in reality, they are creating that miserable world for themselves from their own faults and insecurities.
    And my view of same sex marriage?
    Hey~~anyone that can STAY MARRIED has MY SUPPORT! CAUSE IT'S WORK KIDDIES!!!
    Every human deserves the same rights.
    End of story.

    XXOO~~
    Anne

    P.S. Love the photo!

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  7. Wow -- it never even occurred to me that the problem with your friend was even remotely connected to homophobia, though I knew she was ultra conservative. My lack of perspicacity is, in a way, a positive testament to how far society has come in its attitudes.

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  8. I'm a bit of a religious guy, with a fair number of gay and lesbian friends. (Religious as in "Rev.") It's been a long journey for me from where i was to where I am. Mostly I think the compassion (love), held up as the ideal for Christians, does not allow faithful people to hate others, for whatever reason. I think it is as simple as that.

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  9. I've never really understood prejudice. It's a kind of mindlessness that says I think [i]this[/i], and I don't have to question what I think about it because .... well just because. Duh ... where's the logic in that?

    I guess having always felt like an outsider myself I've never felt like it's something I want anyone else to feel for any reason whatsoever. Love is such a rare and precious thing in our world. Anyone lucky enough to find someone else to share love with should celebrate that fact in every way possible.

    I find simple things work best. Love is simply wonderful. Much love to you KJ xx Jos

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    1. Ha! I thought the little html tags works in blogger comments [i] [/i] but they don't ... ho hum I'll try to remember (yeah right Jos ... owner of the worlds most sieve like memory ever!) xx

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  11. THIS < and > this not [ that and this ]

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    1. Aha!!! Thank you!! So this should work ...

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    2. Eureka!!! It works!!! Another one of lifes little mysteries solved, I can go to sleep a happy woman now. Little things do rather please me :-)

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  12. I think the strongest homophobia comes from people who are not at ease with their own sexuality. A woman once said to me that she would be uncomfortable if a gay woman saw her naked because what if the woman was attracted to her? I said, "Why wouldn't that just be flattering?" Hell, I LOVE when someone finds me attractive. What's not to like?

    You Know Who was the one with the problem. I remember how surprised I was the first time I was on the receiving end of one her no-civil-rights-for-gays rants. So narrow-minded and unkind! I hope for her sake that she finds a more compassionate place in her heart some day.

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  13. Hello, I am Joss's neice! I love your blog and have read your book! I have the best aunt ever!! :) love the cookies wish you could send me some in South Africa!

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