Saturday, December 15, 2012

Love & Mourning



Gone. Twenty small children. Innocence. Twenty six families. Trust. Christmas....

My daughter Jessica hugged her three boys very tight tonight. She will protect them

as I will protect her. 

I wrote this poem maybe six or more years ago. I've posted it before. Tonight, what more

fitting than to share a love so deep in me that there is nothing, nothing that can stop it. 

My daughter. Our children.....

Jessica

Take both eyes, both hands,
My legs and arms, 
Even take the precious German clock
And every special book.

Take my bank account,
All twenty photo albums,
My garden in August
And the miraculous April rain.

Take it all if you can promise. 
I knew in the instant this would be so.
I’m in to any burning house,
On to a frigid raft at sea,
I’m ripping the mangled steel with my bare hands.

Anything, anything for this girl.
The edgeless corners of the truest love
And the endless reserve of cavernous protection
Surround this child who lives within and without,
This fantabulous kid with the crack up wit
And the tender expansive heart.

Take it all, whether you are a son-of-a-bitch
Or an evolving angel, 
Whether the cost is temporary or forever,
Take it all, and then shelter this child
Through every molecular motion and moment. 

She sits at a desk 
And she finds little bargains at the malls.
She eats salads at Bugaboo Creek and 
On Sundays brings Sprite to her grandmother.
She is an anchor in an unsteady world.
She is hybrid fuel to those who love her.
She is a reason to push
And the forever foremost answer
To everything that could ever matter

Given the chance to love like this, 
The price of my sightless limbless body
And wiped clean barren possessions
Amounts to nothing more than shiny pennies and
And effortless will. 

That’s all. That’s everything.

29 comments:

  1. What a beautiful poem...........
    what a tragedy happened in Newtown............What can I say......... Just shaking my head here.
    My gosh. So sad.
    Make me nearly give up all hope.
    My love and support won't help these people and the ones who stay behind.
    Helpless senseless
    ♥M

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    1. Your love and support reverberates to every corner, Marianne . This community carries the pain for all of us. So so sad

      Love
      kj

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  2. really its a lovely poem...ugh i would give anything to keep my kids from something like this....its senseless...easier to get a gun than it is to get mental health...go figure...

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    1. Thank you, Brian. I just heard the president, saying that caring for and protecting our children is our # 1 job as a nation. I agree

      And yes; gun screening

      Love
      kj

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  3. It is a horrible event. I grew up near Newtown and many of my Mom's relations lived there ages ago. I can't begin to imagine the heartache in the families, yes all the expectations of seeing the children through their lives, all the Christmas cheer, replaced with darkness. The irony is...the man who did this shot his own mother who taught at the school. That mother was unable to protect anyone including her son from whatever it was that drove him to do this.

    I personally am all for banning private use and ownership of guns. Not that that would stop someone who really wanted to own a gun and use it. I hear shooting up here now and then, I did yesterday. I guess they are hunters. but I dont like the sound. I send prayers to all the families, to the town. As M said though, my prayers are but a drop in the bucket to the families, but I send them anyway.

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    1. I don't like the sound either, suki.

      I am praying overtime that some laws come out of this awful tragedy

      Love
      kj

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  4. Kj, Beautiful. I am filled with a deep sadness for that whole town and the families of the victims. Unreal. xoxo

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  5. kj,
    This is certainly heartbreaking, and senseless.
    I heard of it yesterday at noon, at work, and have been following the news reports.I work in a center of young children, and this affected we staff very much.

    I cannot imagine living through this myself, and it fills me with dread and worry. What can we do to protect young children and adults from individuals who may have personality disorders, and are so unpredictable? I do believe gun control must be considered, cannot this one part of the constitution be seen as outdated, and needing to be changed? There has to be a change in perception, and will on the part of the government, I believe.

    Your poem describes parents' love so well, and it says it all.
    Brenda

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    1. I agree with you, Brenda . I don't understand why the NRA etc insist on no laws or reform . I would think they want only responsible gun users too

      I have small children in my life too

      Love
      kj

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  6. I have no words. My heart fills then spills over. I just shake my head. I have no words.

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  7. it's so sick so awful so heartbreaking and I can't imagine the pain of those families. I just can't imagine it.

    your poem is beautiful and I can relate totally. When sean and brian were little I understood the Jewish mothers feeling of allowing a steam-roller to roll you flat to protect them.

    what a world....

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    1. ♥ Mim
      I like that I so clearly know that to protect I would die. The teachers in that school were so very brave and loving. All of it breaks my heart.

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  8. Beautiful poem, Kj. It made me cry. Love to you - xox

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  9. You live so close to where it happened, and I wonder if that makes a difference in any way. I do know that no other mass murder has gotten to me like this one. I don't know when you last came round, but I've been going to an Episcopal Church for various reasons (openly as an atheist), and I attended a little service tonight that always enabled me to feel close to the people at that church despite our differences. Tonight, the barrier was too great. When I started going there, I wondered if they would be able to accept me. They have. I'm wanted, as I am. Just this week one of the priests wrote to me that she considers atheism a valid spiritual path, and reassured me that no one would turn from me because of my atheism. But then tonight, the kind of Christian consolations that helped them to deal with such evil as this shooting represented seemed to separate them from me by a gap as big as the Grand Canyon, and the affection they showed me just left me feeling an immense separateness. I thought I could bridge at least of the barrier that separates Christians (even liberal Christians) from atheists, and now I'm not sure if I can. It's not them who's holding back; it's me.

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    1. Snow, the religious empathy for comfort can make me uneasy too. I can't even say if I am a Christian or not, but I do know this tragedy is about humanity. I think the more we let eye contact and shared sorrow happen, the more we realize and feel that humanity. I imagine you were assaulted by one religious principle and assurance after another . I can see how that would be hard .for me, answers or no answers or this reason or that, under it all is a very deep personal agony and a very big societal problem

      Love to you, snow
      kj

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  10. I can't imagine how this must be for those most closely involved. It is beyond sad. That is one beautiful poem KJ. Really. xx Jos

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  11. Replies
    1. Hello my dear dear friend xoxo

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  12. I can't see. Ugh. You nailed it. Have me all blurry eyes. You nailed what is so hard to express. Love of a child is terrifying beauty.

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    1. A great compliment from you, Amy. Thank you. How easy such love is understood
      xoxo

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  13. Catching up here...came in to hug and be hugged!

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  14. Yes Lynn, our collective broken hearts. Our children and grandchildren....

    Love
    kj

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  15. Except that ultimately, you can't fully protect them against the random threats this world poses. No matter how much your heart yearns to. I am grieving for those families whose lives will never, never be the same.

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  16. cs, the moment my little daughter walked into kindergarten I knew what you say is true. 35 years later I remember that feeling like it was yesterday.

    But we have to try. I was so glad last night that Obama is the president

    Love
    kj

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