Friday, February 09, 2007

Pity Meets Petty Meets Pause Meets Practice

Promise Yourself:

To be too large for worry,
too noble for anger,
too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble
Christian D. Larson

I say this abit differently: I try to be bigger than the situation.

Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't.

Yesterday I revived a petty bitch I had promised myself and someone I love I would not bring up again. I did it because this little unfounded insecure part of me keeps squawking and I failed to let it calm down before I took to the computer keys and registered my 100th complaint. All is well, afterall, but I caused the two of us wasted breaths and energy that could have been spent in any number of interesting and fun endeavors.

And yet, remarkably, all this left me with reassurance that I am loved. This came in the form of no backing down and not letting me defend that I had a valid gripe, but ,despite that, a willingness to change--to protect me --if it really came to that. And of course it didn't. It doesn't.

The next time this petty bitch surfaces--and it will because I don't yet understand why it surfaces in the first place--I am going to sit on my hands and chant zip/lip lectures to myself. I am going to write myself a letter, eat chocolate, pace to and fro, buy a book, take a hot bath, get a manicure, catch a movie--something, anything that creates enough of a pause that I calm down, remember this is not about me, and let those loving arms stay sufficiently unencumbered to embrace me just because.

I am going to yet again try to be bigger than the situation.

With practice, my batting average is sure to improve, and for me, that's a gift to myself and to everyone around me.


  1. kj! So sorry I've been out of touch. We are still on for Friday (I am looking forward to it)--I'll buy my own ticket and we can chat on Monday or during the week about when/where to meet.

  2. ... and you're human ...

    Great words of advice for us all, and timely for me, too!

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  4. Wow KJ,

    What a coincidence. Yesterday I had a similar episode while I was at work. A friend of mine brought up a subject matter that was very important to her but one that I could not understand why she put so much emotion into it. First of all, I really considered the subject not worthy of attention. It was about another person who really did not matter to me and for some reason my association with her really bothered my friend. I was exasperated but in the end I just pictured my friend the way I pictured one of my sisters when they asked something I consider unreasonable from me. In the end, we always side with the relationships that matter, but for heavens sakes I told my friend to PLEASE lighten up!

  5. I always say I won't but I give in to my anger..

  6. I, too, had something similar happen this week ... I think I tempered my reaction pretty well, while still staying true to my opinion, but I was mad as hell. I don't like when my anger gets the best of me. But too often I don't let it out at all and stuffing it down leads to no good!

  7. I do this too! Right before I freak a little I remind myself to behave but then it just erupts out of me! oops. we will do better...

  8. Everyone has days like this. It happens. But I think the point is the learning to stop and reflect. And maybe think twice next time. Your posts are always thought provoking. I love them. :D

  9. Interesting post. Controlling my anger is something I really need to work on.

  10. Too bad but sometimes you need to show a bit of anger to move things in the right direction...

  11. I feel what you feel. So strongly put.
    I came to your site because of your comments on my poem. I felt deeply when I wrote it and I just love your response. I know what you feel inside and I'm glad you stopped by. Please come again
    I know I will be back for words of wisdom.