I took the top photo, in my yard last spring. The bottom photo is from an iPhone application called waterlogue. It costs $ 2.95 and it turns iPhone photos into different choices of watercolors. With a click or two, I am having a great time playing with this. I think it's damn awesome.
I can't seem to blog as often as I want. This means I can't seem to write as often as I want.
But I'm now hopeful. Today I finished a consulting report that took months. And for the first time since the holidays, since my knee replacement, since my Mother's move to a nursing home, since I left my therapy job--I have a clean slate.
Until further notice, and further notice will of course happen, it will be up to me to decide what I do. I have my Dr. Seuss rhyming story to shop around, my novel from hell to keep editing, my garden to dream about.
But I'm still unfamiliar with myself alone and with free time. I've aged this year: since the surgery I see pot lines and weariness on my face that I keep hoping sleep will erase. I don't move with my desired bravado. And, I'm thinking more these days about my life ahead.
JB and I will move to Provincetown when my Mother "goes." (A friend used that term and my throat caught when she said it). I hope (pray) for a closer relationship with my daughter and her family but I'm not sure how, and not sure if she even has time for that. I want published accolades, even when I wrestle with my vanity, I want that. I want a body that vainly struts, which is pathetic since I eat Boston cream donuts. I want to do nothing and everything.
I am in transition yet again. Anyone else?
Even as I write all this, I am at some kind of peace these days. I understand that kindness and gratitude honestly make things better; they make me better. I know knowing is currency for the days ahead.
Tomorrow, my first day without absolutes, I am going to talk to my friend Lori, finally, and then I am going to …..
I don't know.
thanks for coming by.