And with that, at 7 am on Sunday morning, I know Logan is standing in the pack n' play in my office, awake and ready to start the day. He greets me with a wide smile and he tells me his pj's and the pack n' play are all wet. We wash him up, put on new clothes, and he pulls a chair into the kitchen so he can stand beside me as I think about breakfast.
I don't think I have ever written about Logan. He is one of the two 'littles' in Jess and Mike's family. His older brothers, now seven and almost five, have slept at our house many times and I have delighted in counting strawberries and coloring elephants with them, but not so much Logan. With two active brothers, Logan arrived as an astute and easy going observer.
Only recently, because he is now almost three and he is talking--able to say whatever he wants and needs to--that I see with full force his charming and very smart personality. Only recently do I feel like the grandmother I want to be for him.
At breakfast (out of necessity--where the heck is his sippy cup?) I put his milk in a grown up cup with only one handle and he is delighted to sip that cup without spilling. He carries plates to the table, with my guidance, holding them with two careful hands. He pushes three little tables from the living room to the hall, where he puts his favorite game atop of one and two toy cars on the others. "Don't touch, Gram, okay?" he says.
"No Logan, I definitely won't touch."
I now have four grandchildren. That fact alone is amazing to me. I will know them for the rest of my life and I will watch and participate in so many wondrous developmental changes for each of them. Baby Reese will talk one day, and finally a girl who will have her nails polished blue without an askance look from her father. Logan will make his talents and interests clear, and I will show him acorns on the ground and how to plant a lollipop garden. Drew will remain a perfectly balanced tough and gentle little boy who doesn't fail to hug and smile and you could talk and listen to him all day. Drew calls me "grammie' with a grin. Ryan will strive to know everything about everything, admitting to nothing that he doesn't know, with an intensity and intelligence that often surprises. I wonder how long he will let me rub his back and pull his hair in those moments when he quietly relaxes.
Maybe it's weird to say this, but the depth of my love for these children is a surprise to me. Oh I knew I would love them, but THIS love…it's deep and permanent and natural and expansive.
Maybe I'm surprised because I love my daughter Jessica so much. I would take a bullet for her no questions asked. I didn't think it was possible to love her children as much as I love her.
Love must be funny that way.