Friday, June 08, 2012

A Poem


When I write poems I often find myself writing about hard things that even though they're hard don't escape or negate hope. This is one of those poems. I wrote it fast and forgot about it. It was published on a writers' blog and just now I read through a third of it before I realized it was mine. Too funny: a poem by myself to myself :^) 

Love
kj

I wish you could

I could tell you to breathe,
To grit and push
To enlighten and endure
And enunciate the edges
While the sun bounces off the peninsula, 
Or the way one word can soften the harsh corners.
It’s nothing to pull up that reading list
Of Thomas Moore and Oprah and two kinds of Grahams,
For a snap of a moment to guide you to the stillest point
where facts and futures reduce to one sentence, maybe two,
Then fall into a portal or a mantra, and please, an explanation, finally, 
that shows how empty gets filled, 
how questions stop confusing,
please something to assure  that acceptance reigns and destiny divines.
Assures…
For a time.

It’s as simple as you wish it to be
For a time.
But I kid you not, lest it’s best you know:
The road’s rocky, the trip’s tricky, 
The ache is real.
The lump in the shower, the call at midnight, the pinkest slip?
Who said it: We grow, we grow. stronger each time?
Perhaps, and so what?
The drips of recovery can deplete
And when that happens you might stop being sure.
And what about that: when you toss your hopes to hell?
What then? When time and years alter hope, meld it into something 
That will rend your heart as surely as the sun sets and rises?
Children are kidnapped, for god sakes.
Or that first betrayal! In time it will heal: time is the medicine of destiny;
But never enough. There is no enough in such a matter.
But wait--An alternative:
You can lose.
You can let fate wrestle you down 
Right there on the mat of goals and wishes.
It might look dire, 
To have packed your suitcase and parachute only to leave them both 
at a bus stop to nowhere;
to venture off with a faith that looks like zany circles 
not reassuring lines.
But there is a but.
When there are no answers
The questions don’t matter nearly as much.

And when you stop questioning
You just might find
Your own brand of astonishment,
Waiting and ready 
to confuse you with its own abandon.

29 comments:

  1. Ooooooo, me likes this A LOT!
    And glad you remembered you had written it! ;-)
    It's not age related; it's a mind full of things percolating!

    XXOO~~
    Anne

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    1. Thank you Anne xo, what you say is so true!! My mind is getting filled again, more than I expected. I wonder what's coming up the road? :-)

      Are you feeling better? I hope so


      Love
      kj

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    2. Still hacking like a 6-pack a day Grannie! ;-D
      Altho, I must say, I think it's a LITTLE better today.
      (knocks on wood)

      XXOO~~
      Anne

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    3. Just about on my knees for you to feel better,0h wise spunky one :-)

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  2. Round and round. I love circularity ... that sense that there is no answer ... but. Ah but. Letting go of but is to truly abandon oneself to the will of the universe I guess. I'm not so sure that you lose anything that way. xx

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  3. I love circles too, jos.

    I was taught to replace but with and. An equalizer...

    Your smile is awesome. It is so nice to see you

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  4. So many thoughts.
    So many possibilities.
    So many dangers.

    Life is not a simple walk
    over flat ground.
    Far too textured, it is.
    With sharp changes in every direction —
    up,
    down,
    left,
    right.

    But surviving
    means paying particular attention,
    letting yourself be astonished
    by what you find,
    then
    telling your story,
    when you are ready.
    But don't wait too long —
    details will
    blur.

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    1. Ah rob bear, that is a good poem! The terrain is sometimes harder than it deserves to be. And yet we push one foot in front of another. I like your reminder not to wait too long ......

      Love
      kj

      Ps write more poems! Please :-)

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  5. Yes yes, we always grow, but not always stronger. Sometimes softer. Sometimes more open. Sometimes only in confusion. Just don't grow harder. A heart of stone is not alive; by the sounds of this poem, you surely are living in all your senses. Ah, this human experience gets painful at times, yes? **blows kisses** Deb

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    1. Deb, I'll take softer. I don't seem to have much of a choice not to harden: it's just not who I am. But I am aware that there is too much too hard for too many and I wish that wasn't so.

      We do what we can. For ourselves and for others. I'm glad I FEEL. And you, deb, you are surely living in all your senses. I admire you ♥

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  6. Oh.
    That hill thing again
    the up the down
    twists and turns of the switch-back
    and looking for that soft place to fall.
    Beautifully written poem kj. Beautiful!
    ♥♥

    when you have time:
    http://youtu.be/HJPkcwZIKHs

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    1. I love you babs;
      Up down and sideways



      I will check out the YouTube this weekend xoxo

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  7. I esp like the last stanza. Odd how we can forget things we have created. mostly happens to me with visual work. i dont recognize it as something i made at first.

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    1. Ah you too, suki. It's a strange feeling, to view your own work through different eyes. I always like it :-)

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  8. Lovely poem. Buddha said life is suffering, and it is, but the way out is to live in the moment and always remember it is not real :-).
    Keep writing.
    xoxo

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    1. Hi Annie,I can't agree with the not real part (though Plato can) but living in the moment: absolutely. We exist no where else.

      You are wise, Annie .

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  9. I'm always dazzled by your words. I'm glad you shared this poem by "what's her name!!" :)

    I'm off to CT in a while. Maybe we'll talk this weekend. I miss our daily chats.

    xoxo
    Lo♥

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    1. Thank you, lo. I hope you had a fine day. I did. I saw my good friend in her element looking fine

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  10. that must be the very best kind of poem, by yourself, for yourself, a perfect gift. maybe a book of your poems is in order too? move over mary. :)

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    1. Hello Lori! You give me too much praise and I appreciate every word. Thank you sf.

      I am stunned by your experience and photos. Travels straight to my heart

      Xoxo

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  11. isn't that the best, to stumble upon some writing, find yourself enjoying it and then realize - you wrote it! this is quite stunning, kj.

    to venture off with a faith that looks like zany circles
    not reassuring lines

    that's profound. i was just having a discussion with my daughter about how we need to become comfortable with ambivalence in life. these lines say what i was trying to say to her so much better.

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    1. Thank you Amanda, I love those lines too

      I am recently facing the fact that while I'm not perfect, I do my best and that us enough. Not so much ambivalence these days: just doing what I do. I don't know why life can be so hard but I've decided to live the questions :-) (Rilke)

      Love to you Amanda ♥

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  12. I would surely be leaving no footprints an'more in the sand if i were to stop a' questionin'

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  13. Mark: this is true! Just don't let the questions trip you up, you know enough ♥

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  14. I think it's a wonderful treat to surprise your self with yourself. lovely

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    1. It did make me chuckle alittle, mim :-)

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  15. A wonderful poem, indeed, and I am happy I arrived here and I could read it. Thanks :)

    Greetings from Madrid.

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    1. Thank you mari. And thank you for stopping by. I will visit you too

      Love
      kj

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  16. KJ,

    So intense and so beautiful!!



    ps: loooove your banner btw

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