A Little Intro to Santa Fe

Ah, this photo is dedicated to two spirit sisters I totally adore.

You both know who you are....right? You do know I mean you, right?

I am home after spending seven hours in airports, five hours flying away and to airports, and one hour picking up and driving my Toyota RAV back home. I am writing this at 2:30 am because I am inexplicably wide awake. I am glad to be home and super glad JB and I had such a great few days away. These are just a few random photos. I'll be more organized tomorrow.

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But the beauty of New Mexico surely shines through, doesn't it?

It was all pretty awe-some.

xoxoxo

Heading home: I Can't wait to get home so I can blog about my time away!

Gone Fishing

Courtesy of Mada Signs

I am off to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a spontaneous four day vacation! I am not really going fishing unless you count playing slot machines at a Casino as "fishing", which in that case would be fishing for the unlikely luck that I will leave with more cash than I came with. Very unlikely.
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And yet I love the thrill of it all. I have never won more than $ 200 at one spin and never more than $ 400 in one visit and, okay, if I were asked to put this in perspective, I have gone to a casino maybe 3o times in all and I have left with some winnings three times at most. Not good odds, but shouldn't the thrill of anticipation count for something?
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This is what I, along with JB, am going to do in Santa Fe:
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1. Visit Art Galleries, one after another
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2. Eat Mexican food
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3. Drive to the art colony of Taos, and hopefully meet up with Blogland's very own Blissful Bohemian.
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4. Eat Mexican Food.
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5. Shop and Peruse
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6. Eat Mexican Food
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7. Find a Casino (preferably late into the wee night)
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8. Eat Mexican Food

Why else would I have been on the South Beach diet for the last two weeks if not to eat Mexican Food?
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These days I work three days a week, which I am paid for, and at least one half day a week writing reports, which I am not paid for. I call the latter my volunteer work. Until I took this job as a psychotherapist in an urban and poor city, I had been self employed for most of my career. I have owned a counseling firm, developed an artisan cooperative, promoted an arty movie theatre, started a restaurant, run workshops, built programs, provided career counseling, been a case manager, and given advice to businesses.
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When my daughter was young, she used to squint her eyes and shake her head and say, "Mom, you mean people PAY you for your advice? That is SO ridiculous!"
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Now I am a writer too.
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Probably the most meaningful thing I've done for work was my two week stint in New Orleans three weeks after Hurricane Katrina. JB and I were literally plucked up by the American Red Cross and assigned as District Mental Health Area Directors . It was sheer luck that we ended up together, in the heart of New Orleans, holed up in the only hotel that at least had electricity. We were in Saint Bernard County, on the streets, when people returned to their homes for the first time. They found 12, 20 feet of mud inside their living rooms and their cars buried by muck in the driveway. We were there to witness them realizing they had lost everything. All day we saw families wearing knee high rubber boots scavenging through the mud to save one glass vase, one plastic watering can, small memories of a way of life incredulously gone in a flash.

I learned about privilege through my Katrina Stint. I had a working car and a cell phone and I could go anywhere I wanted, to every part of the city where no one else but the National Guard was allowed. I was a Red Cross Manager, I had authority. I would flash my badge and I became important, powerful. This was not something I misused but I could feel I was in the upper echelons.
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I feel that power on the streets of the poor neighborhoods where I now work. I see clients in their homes, mostly, so I am driving all over the place. I drive a silver Toyota RAV, I wear only slightly dressed-up and mostly casual clothes, but I can tell the police, for example, know I am one of them. I am afforded a respect that comes with that. I don't misuse it or overplay that respect, but I notice it.
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One day I am at McDonalds' and the cashier sizes me up and says, "You're not from around here, are you?" I laughed, "No, I'm not, but I'm here alot. Hey, why did you ask?" She smiles at me, "You just look different." I do. I am quite white for one thing, not black or Hispanic, like so many of the faces around me. I am probably older too. I often forget to notice. I think that is mostly good but sometimes I think I should be more aware, more vigilant. Still, when I smile, and I smile often, most times every one smiles back. That reminds me of something good, everytime.
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Anyway, I work three long days a week and that is pretty good. The rest of my week is not boring, not one bit. I write, I help my mother, I have a list of chores a mile long, I walk Stella (not enough), I promote my book, I volunteer (slightly). I shop. I blog. I blog and lose track of time. An hour can pass and I fail to notice. I am the beneficiary of some true friendships from the blogs. I wouldn't have believed that was possible three years ago.

So now I am going to Santa Fe on a whim. JB has work there next week, but first we will arrive without any real idea of where we are or what we will do (except the Mexican Food Part.) I have my camera and my laptop and my sneakers and my moleskine and a wonderful partner-companion. And some stash for the casino. That is plenty.

I'm going fishing. If you don't mind, I'll be letting you know what I catch.

Animal Wednesday: Emily & the Ten Commandments

HMMPFF!.
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Hello, it's me, Emily. I have been very good while kj bribed me last week to be nice and write about doing some nice things for other people, and I didn't stamp my feet because I had to wait while kj wrote this sad story about Andrea, who I'm sure was very nice and it sounds like she definitely knew how to have fun, which you know is my kind of person so I tried not to throw things because I had to wait too long, but this is Wednesday and it's my turn to write about the things that I think are interesting even if kj doesn't like them and really even if nobody else likes them because that is not my fault either, right?
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Today Ms. Rhonda Roo asked me to say 10 honest things about myself, which I am happy to do anytime but I since I learned about the Ten Commandments last week in school I am going to tell Ms. Rhonda Roo and every one about them and about ME at the same time.
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First of all, do you agree with me that it is very silly for a rabbit to learn the Ten Commandments? And I'm not just saying that because I got a "D" on the test.
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Here we go. I hope you will learn something you like:

1. I am the Lord your God; you shall not have strange gods before me.

I don't have to worry about strange Gods because I only listen to my Mother and mostly when she tells me I am going to be punished if I am not a sweet little rabbit or if I stay out all night and lie that I am helping kj because she is sick, which I have done seven times and I have gotten caught twice. And by the way how would you even know if it was the right God at all if the God was strange? Am I the only one who noticed that?

2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.

Like who else would want the name anyway and then feel vain about it? If your name was God Easter Bunny, that would sound very weird. Or God Obama. Or even God lololo would be odd, don't you think? So why not just be vain with your own name?

3. Remember to keep holy the Lord's day.

It is not my fault that I don't know when the Lord's day is. I don't even know who the Lord is. There used to be a violin player in my neighborhood named Lord Chipmunk but I don't think he had a day and if he did he never told anyone because we never did anything special, except once on his birthday my mother made him a peanut butter and pumpkin seed pie and he ate it all without sharing even one bite. That should be a commandment: don't eat all the candy without giving a piece to everyone who looks like they love the smell of it.

4. Honor your father and your mother.

I looked up honor in the dictionary and it kind of means respect and listen to. Well, I really cannot do that some of the time and being a little rabbit I don't think it would be a good thing if I did that all the time because then how would I learn to have fun and to wiggle my way into and out of good adventures? I would honestly rather see a commandment that says "Have fun most of the time" because I think you learn more than way and then you are usually in a better mood and nicer to people, which is the point, right?

5. You shall not kill.

Once I killed an ant and once I killed a beetle but it was not my fault that they walked in front of me and I squished them flat. And then I had them stuck to my feet and it was gross so maybe it's actually not a bad idea to have a commandment that says 'don't kill' because I don't know anyone who ever says anything good about killing anything anyway. And if anyone does tell you it's a good thing, I think you should move your seat or tell your mother because they might not see things right and then maybe they won't see you right either and you could be in trouble by then. And while we're on the subject, I do think it's alright to kill a bug by mistake, but it is never alright to kill a rabbit or any other little animal. Just because you don't see it happen, if you see a little animal on a menu, you can be sure they got killed so don't eat them. That should be the commandment: don't eat little animals and probably big animals too but I'm only taking care of myself right now, maybe later I will include big animals too.

6. You shall not commit adultery.

I have no idea what this is. I asked kj and she said that means be faithful to the person you are married to. Is that right? Well I am way too little to worry about that but I can tell you that I don't think this matters to rabbits the way it matters to people. Rabbits are known to multiply, not divide. I think that applies to love too. I heard kj say that very thing once: 'love multipies, it doesn't divide'.

7. You shall not steal.

HAHAHAHA! This must be a joke. Because if you can't sneak into a garden and steal a carrot or a radish, where is the joy in life???? That is all I am going to say and I think you should think about this. Plus if every one shared more maybe no one would steal.

8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

WHAAATT? Does anyone understand what this means? kj said she thinks it means don't lie or blame someone for something they didn't do, but why would you do that anyway unless you were in a real jam and you needed someone to take the blame one time for you, like when I got arrested and I told the police that it was really a seven year old girl selling the multi-colored rabbit pellets at the church meeting, not me. Okay, so she wasn't my neighbor so maybe this commandment doesn't count anyway, but maybe you should find out what 'bear false witness' means and then you can see if you should do it or not.

9.You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.

I don't understand this one either. At first I thought 'covet' meant put a blanket over some one's head but why would you want to do that anyway unless you were playing with each other and if you were playing what would be wrong with that, right? But kj said 'covet' means you want something that isn't yours but what if your neighbor doesn't care or is mean and you are nice to his wife and you want to go bowling with her or something. These commandments are too exact if you ask me because not everything is simple, even kj says that's true. But I don't care because why would I ever covet anybody's wife at my age? You should figure this out by yourself, but my advice is just be fair and nice and that takes care of almost everything.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.

I am going to hell! I covet my neighbors supply of jellybeans, chocolate covered pretzels, pogo stick, swing set, tree house, secret hole in the yard, and that's just the beginning. I have way too much fun to stop coveting, so please don't ask me to because then I would be very sad and I would cry very deep and for a long time and you would probably finally tell me to be quiet, which would make me cry more, and by then it would be obvious that I was better off quietly coveting.

P. S. Please do not tell me I am not being respectful to the Commandments because don't forget I am just a little rabbit and I don't know any better.

Sincerely Yours,

Emily Rabbit

Andrea

Maybe this is going to be sad because Andrea died. She spent a weekend at the Big Yellow writing retreat, pushed herself and her oxygen tank into Packards for Friday night drinks and onto my couch for our Saturday night group Hootenanny. When she died just two days later, our Big Yellow group lost one of our own, one of our best and brightest.

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I don't know what brings me to talk about Andrea today, but she is in my mind. It might be because my beloved friend Renee reminds me so much of her. Their ages, backgrounds, circumstances are different, but their spunk and courage and ability to live life large is so similar it's uncanny.

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So I'd like to introduce you to Andrea. This is a post from her blog, written in the midst of her spunky no-holds-barred battle with cancer. And if you like this, you may want to go here: http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2008/05/essay-winner-surviving-cancer, where you will find Andrea's award winning essay in Glamour Magazine. After she and we waited for months with unbridled anticipation and pride, she died the day before it hit the stands.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The other Andrea Coller got married. This is my theory. How do I know?

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I googled myself. (Come on, EVERYBODY does it, right? And my Mom says it's perfectly natural...) And now, it seems that the other Andrea Coller has taken on an additional name. I'd like to think that she was inundated with so many "ohmygodijustloveyourmusic!!" emails from all of the kids out there that she just changed it to avoid all of my rabid fans. In reality, though, it seems that she met a nice Scottish boy and settled down.

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Bitch.

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So if any of you don't know, I'm kind of glued to my couch these days. It blows, but it's my own fault. By New Years' I had completely run myself into the ground with my constant working and no-time-for-sleep-no-time-for-food lifestyle. God, I miss it. I sigh now and think about how fucking fabulous that cycle was- coffee, work, coffee, coffee, rockshow, drinking, pass out, coffee. And I did it all in heels and pencil skirts. I'm jealous.

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Making a looooong story short, on January 2 I went to the ER because I felt totally awful. I woke up a couple weeks later at Brigham and Women's in Boston. It seems I'd developed severe pneumonia, in addition to a full-body toxic infection, which caused complications with my heart and lungs. Couple of weeks in the ICU, then regular hospital, then another... It's some slow-moving shit. So I just got home last week. I'm still hooked up to oxygen, and not able to walk much farther than my kitchen. I'd normally describe this as a fate worse than death, but I'm trying very hard to be optimistic.

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I hate optimists.

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I bet the other Andrea Coller never had to deal with crap like this.

My Mother's House

Last night and most of today I stayed in the house I spent my first 22 years in, the one that my father and his brother built from the ground up, where my mother and father lived for 66 years, until my father died there, in his own bed, surrounded by his wife, his two children, his beloved granddaughter Jessica.

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The house has been empty for the past two years, since my mother reluctantly moved near me because she should no longer live alone. At first and often, and now, thankfully, only occasionally my mother asks me if I think she will ever be able to go home. Now when I tell her I don’t think so she nods ever so slightly, and I know she agrees that she is happy where she is, that she knows this is best.

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This weekend JB and I began sorting through 66 years of Rose's kitchen dishes and pots and pans and utensils; bureau drawers and closet shelves filled with summer, winter, casual, and dress clothes; slippers and shoes, toiletries, crucifixes and metals, jewelry, hummels, china cups, canned goods, special souvenirs and presents collected and given, postcards from the war, my father’s proud navy documents, two love letters written by my parents.

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We put twenty five or so large garbage bags in front of the fence for pickup on Monday. We filled my car with special remembrances to keep forever and things to show my mother: photo albums and so many pictures of family and friends, spanning a lifetime: her 11 brothers and sisters and 4 step brothers and sisters, her parents, friends before she met and married my father, their friends throughout their marriage, children—so many children: my brother and I at every age, Jessica and Chris and cousins and neighbors. I put aside certain things for my brother and sister-in-law to look through. I know it is important that they too go through this process of remembering, of letting go.

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My Jessica spent many a Friday night at her grandparents. My mother made her home made macaroni and cheese and chocolate pudding every time and my father dropped his gruffness so he could sit on the couch with this little sized love of his life, side by side while they watched I Love Lucy. I look at my father's small horse collection, this one in front of the fireplace he was so proud of, and I tell him as I often do that I hope I am taking care of "the best thing that ever happened" to him--his wife, my mother--well enough.
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These two days were not all work. Jess came with baby Drew and we sat and talked and laughed and played with Drew while we circled around at all these memories together. Hours before I had found the diamond ring that my mother had hidden three years ago because she was afraid the cleaners would steal it. We all had looked for it everywhere but last night I found it in a bureau drawer tangled with all kinds of odds and ends, and today Jessica took the diamond ring for her own. That is what my mother wanted. She also took the United States flag that draped my father’s coffin now 13 years ago. I was surprised that she wanted that flag. It is in safe keeping now.

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My godmother Marie, who live next door and is herself 93, baked us a hot apple pie; Joey, who I rescued when his parents died and left him alone, came by for coffee. I saw my special cousin Maureen for the second time in a week after years without seeing one another, and we talked about how open my mother's house always was, how there was always room at the dinner table for an extra plate and a needed hand.

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Jess’ friend Annie, due to deliver her first baby today, stopped by and laughed with us about the goofy trips and times she had with our family when she and Jess were in junior high school. JB and I did not expect all this company and it was just….lovely.
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I left my mother’s house late afternoon, I and it in a state of organized disarray. We made significant progress in the kitchen, bedroom, some of the dining room. We have the china spread out on a table, clothes in piles of keep-throw-donate. Books are everywhere. There is so much more to do the cellar, the garage, the yard, the bedrooms, the living room, the shed. But we will get there over the winter and in the spring we will rent out the house to help with my mother’s rest home. Besides, it's not good for a house that is used to welcomes to stay empty. The love in the walls has to be fortified and shared.

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This is bringing up all kinds of emotions and memories, but it’s all good. JB said I’m lucky to be doing this while my mother is still alive and she is so right.

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In the midst of all this, I called my mother to tell her we finally found her diamond ring. She didn’t remember it was lost, and instead she asked when she‘d see me next.

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“Tomorrow, Mom.”

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“Oh good” she said.

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She lives near me now. This is her home now. That is what is most important. I have spent two days in the house I spent all of my first 22 years, and tomorrow I will visit my mother and she will greet me with the widest smile. I will show her some of her memories that I’ve tucked in a sturdy box, and I will thank her for so many reasons, one of which is because I understand that home is where the heart is.

A Test....

I pride myself and am blessed with intelligent, thoughtful, insightful blog friends and visitors. I do not frequent dozens and dozens of blogs because I prefer to savor and appreciate the special people I do visit. I always learn something, notice something, feel something. So in that spirit here is a little "test" for you today:
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1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
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2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
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Wrong Answer.
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Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3.The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
Attend ... Except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
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4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
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Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
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According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

(Epilogue from kj: Smile...)

Animal Wednesday: Help! by Emily Rabbit

Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. This week I am in a very good mood because kj paid me $ 10 that she owed me and then I looked like an angel after Esther the witch got drunk and flew all over the house before she finally crashed into the couch and then she looked very stunned for two days after that. kj was not happy that Esther flew into lights and ate all the candy, which she probably really did do but it is not my fault that kj didn't ask me if I ate any of the Reese's peanut butter cups because if she had asked I might have said maybe I ate some but since Esther got blamed it is not up to me to volunteer information, right?
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Anyway, this week I am going to do something very different for me and kj says I will be rewarded in many ways but even though I'm not really sure about that I've decided to do something nice anyway and then hope for the best.
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kj started this Wishes & Dreams Foundation and she is going to collect money and nice thoughts to help somebody in some way somehow however someone wants to do it. kj came up with three ways that anyone who wants to be one of the someones can help the other someones to be happier and kj says when you do that it helps you be happier too. I don't know if that is true because I have never done it before but this one time I am going to try and then I will see if I end up with more jellybeans or chocolate pretzels or extra money or maybe even my father will come home from working at the National Institute of Health, which someday I will tell you about but not now because now I am writing about this instead.
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For everyone who makes even a dollar contribution to this Dreams Foundation I will have a drawing to see who wins and the prize will be that I, Emily V. V. Rabbit, will be a guest writer on your blog AND I will write about whatever subject you want me to write about (except kj says no sex topics and nothing about cooking because I really don't know anything about that and really I don't think you should ask me about investing money or politics because that has not worked for me very well already plus I really don't care about either because as we all know that can be very boring; okay not the sex part but the money and politics part.
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kj says the contributions can go to any one of three choices. One of the choices doesn't cost money at all but you have to be nice and do something nice for someone else and you can't exaggerate what you did to make yourself look better than it really was, which I have done a couple of times myself and I got in trouble both times, so my advice is don't even try.
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1. kj has this client who is 13 years old and can't live with her mother ever because of problems, plus kj says her school is not the best but she is very smart and kj thinks it's important that she be around kids who are good role models, whatever that is, it might have to do with rolling clay but I'm not sure, but anyway, any money raised for her will go for acting lessons next summer, when she would be totally bored and sad if she did not have something good to do.
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2. You might already know that there is this doctor named Maithri who works in Swaziland Africa and helps children who don't have mothers or fathers and need everything, even clean water. kj's friends Tessa and Renee have raised some good money already but if you want to do this instead of the acting lessons, that is fine with kj and that is fine with me.
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3. This is the one that doesn't cost any money, but you can't cheat!! You have to do something very really nice for someone else and you have to do it without getting caught so they will never know that it was you who did it. But you have to tell me or kj what you did because kj thinks it might be a good example for other people to think about how to be secretly nice too.
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Anyone who tells me this week that you will do anyone of these nice things, you will qualify for me to be your guest blogger. This is worth at least $ 100 if I were paid fairly even though I never am but sometimes that's okay because I do like the attention and I have met some very nice people including my best friend Marianne.
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I would appreciate if you would help me out because I think it is a good thing to do anyway and I think kj will be impressed if I manage to raise any money or nice deeds. As an added bonus, even if you don't win the fantastic grand prize, I am willing to give anyone advice on how to have fun and not care about getting in trouble or being too polite. This is something you should learn before you get too old, anyway.
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Oh, p.s. if you say you are going to contribute kj will contact you and tell you how to do that and then I will put your name in the Grand Drawing. I will cry very deep from my stomach if nobody helps me or wants me to be their Guest Blogger. If I do have to cry, this is how it will sound:
BOOHOOHOOBOOHOOBOOOOHOOOO

for a long time. kj says it hurts her ears.
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Sincerely yours,
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Emily Rabbit

Excessive Halloween Drinking Fells Local Witch

I am very sorry to report that a member of my household, Esther, reluctant mother of Little Mildred and fair weather friend to Angel Angel was found to be drinking excessively on Halloween Day. It appears she attempted to fly without her assistive device and was fortunate to sustain only minor injuries on her erratic trip back to the couch..
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There is evidence that Esther ate twenty-one regular sized Reese's Peanut Butter cups and three extra-sized Mars Bars during her state of inebriation. She attempted to stuff the wrappers under a potted plant but she failed to cover them adequately and they were discovered by JB during a routine watering.
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Esther has not provided information about how much liquor she imbibed but she did report a serious headache and significant hiccups minutes before she passed out on the couch. Little Mildred and Angel Angel did not appear to be happy with the incident but both have declined comment at this time.
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Esther will not be distributing Halloween candy this evening as planned. The remaining members of her household none-the-less wish to wish their friends, family, and neighbors a Happy Halloween.
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*Breaking news: The kj household will be hosting the traveling Milo in the upcoming weeks, as part of his world tour arranged by Deborah of Midlife Poet. It is likely that Esther will be required to undergo a brief period alcohol rehabilitation in order to assure that Milo is not negatively influenced.

kj Has Recent & Erotic Book Reading

Scene 1: kj, Lolo, and Debra Kay have finished an excellent Sunday brunch in Provincetown. They take an easy stroll along the bay side of the ocean, greeting dogs and their owners every which way. In particular they meet an interesting and genteel woman who turns out to be a Poet Laureate. She is staying at a first floor condo directly on the bay beach until December, writing another book. Kj tells her she (kj) is also a writer.
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Scene 2: Debra Kay emails the Poet Laureate and invites her to join kj’s book reading the following day. Meanwhile, kj is mulling over the chapter excerpts she will read. This is Women's Week in Provincetown and kj has written a love story about two women who belong together despite many challenges. She has been invited by a local bookstore to read along with two other authors.
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Scene 3: Lolo and Debra Kay help kj make final decisions about her reading and listen to her run through.
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Scene 4: kj, Lolo, and Debra Kay arrive at the reading venue. A large, dark and well maintained room has been set up at a women's club. There are three stools with three microphones at the front of the room. kj sits on the middle stool, sandwiched by the two other authors who will also read excerpts. kj is excited and a little nervous. There are approximately fifty attendees, including Lolo and Debra Kay. kj sees the Poet Laureate arrive and they quickly and formally nod to one another.
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Scene 5: The author to kj's right tells kj that she writes erotic lesbian literature but she has toned it down for this reading. She laughs. Kj turns to the author on her left and asks what kind of literature she will read. "Erotic lesbian fiction," she replies. kj begins to realize she may have misunderstood the event.
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Scene 6: The author to kj's right begins. She is animated and comical. She reads something along the lines of: “Every cell in my body was on alert from that electrified embrace. She grabbed my head and pulled me close, so that I could feel her breasts, hipbones, and torso. I got carried away, and so did she. The cheering sounded distant and muffled. I felt every lick and suck as if it was happening to my crotch. I couldn’t help the way my entire body responded. I didn’t stop her. I had to have it like morphine after a self-inflicted wound. There was no turning back. And then I let go. I came hard."
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Scene 7: kj steels herself to keep a straight face. When it is her turn, she introduces herself by saying she hopes it won't seem as though she's reading the dictionary. She reads the story of Alex and Lily in three small chapters, and the audience applauds. Kj mumbles a prayer under her breath and steels herself for author # 3.
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Scene 8: Author # 3 is a woman in her 70's who has written about two college cheerleaders, or something like that, one of which is named Laurie, and both of which are facing issues of their own infidelity. kj looks straight ahead as author # 3 reads with the enthusiasm and animation of emptying a wastebasket.
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Scene 9: The reading is over and kj rejoins her friends. They cannot keep a straight face. They do not know when the Poet Laureate left. kj would be mortified if it weren't so hilarious. "I had no idea..." she said several times.
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Scene 10: kj sells three books and the Author to kj's right sells ten books. kj is surprised, but not defeated. In fact, kj is illuminated. "I'm a serious writer," she tells her friends. "Who knew?"
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Scene 11: Non stop laughter ensues for the rest of the day and into the night.

Ms Manners' and Ms. kj's Blog Etiquette

This is my own version of blog etiquette. Please keep in mind it's my uncensored wish list, which is not to say I think I'm right and someone else is wrong. But if I were Queen of the Blogs, I'd be ruling the following with a guiding hand:

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1. If I visit you, I like hearing back from you, either through you acknowledging my comment on your blog or leaving a comment on mine. The blogs work best with equal visitation when possible. I don't mean in equal measure every time. But even if I love your blog, don't expect me to keep showing up if you don't reciprocate.

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2. Please let's not act like we are still in high school. Cliques bothered me then and they bother me now. If you want to have personal conversations or establish a special little group that one way or another has everyone else passively on the sidelines, how about taking your comments off the blogs and into email? Or at least understand that the exchange might not be too compelling for others, like me. Okay, occasionally the back and forth banter might be fun, but the key word here is occasionally. I'm not coming by to feel left out or restless, y'know.

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3. If you allow me to get to know you and care about you, please don't just disappear. No one should feel an apology or explanation is needed for time away from blogging but, jeez louise, I'd like to know you'll be gone so I don't worry what's happened to you.

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4. I have a site meter. Not always but often I can tell if some one's come by for 15 seconds, just long enough to leave a comment but not long enough to barely glance at my post. It's okay if you don't read what I've posted and it's more than okay if you just stop by to say hello, but if you don't know or care for what I've offered up on a given day, there's no need to pretend you like it.

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3. It's fairly well established (I think) that I am not a prude and I am not afraid to say 'fuck' for good cause or effect. But please spare me from the language of graphic bodily functions and especially spare me from the reference to and use of offensive (to me) female body parts. The "C" word and the "P" word turn me off totally. Just so you know...

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4. Does anyone really need to include ads on her/his blog? If you are making good money from them, well then, okay, I'm glad for you and because I like your blog, I can handle it. But if you're raking in a mere $ 3.23 a month, please consider uncluttering your blog with this stuff. Just asking....

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5. I'm not perfect. Who is? Please don't feel like you have to be up and interesting all the time in order for me to enjoy, like or adore you. The blogs I cherish most often have a mix of emotions and challenges. They might be personal, or artistic, or spiritual, but the common thread is they are real. I like real. And I'm happy to say I love all the blogs I love for that reason alone.

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6. I know this is asking too much, but if it's midnight and my household is quietly asleep, I wish I knew I would be hearing sounds and/or music just as I click on your blog. This is one area where I just have to learn the hard way. When in doubt, I'll make time during normal waking hours to click in. Otherwise I'm risking an uprising at home.

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So! That's my list.

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I would be interested in hearing yours. Please, somebody complain about something: otherwise if it's just me spouting off, it could reflect unfavorably on me. :)

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And by the way--if it's not obvious by now--if I visit you and I've taken the time to add you to my sidebar, you and your blog are special to me. Please don't let that fact get lost in my gripes and grumbles, which by the way, have been rather fun to share. Care to join me?

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P.S. I have to add a caveat: the whole purpose of blogging is to be, do and say whatever is right for you on your own blog. The most important thing is to be true to yourself and do what ever you want on your blog and in life for that matter. (Just be kind...I've found that takes care of everything else.) I have not written this for the purpose of changing anyone and I hope nothing I've said is hurtful or disrespectful. It's just me, one person, who feels safe enough among friends to let it hang out abit.

xoxo

A Best Friend

This is my Mom.

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My mother's best friend is named Dottie. They have known one another for 76 years, since my mother, who is now 93, was 17. Dottie lives in the town where my mother and father lived for 63 years, When my mother moved two years ago to the rest home near me, Dottie was two hours away.
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The last time they saw eachother was at my Mother's kitchen table, at her last visit to her former home, when Dottie and her daughter and Mom and JB and I sat around eating coffee cake and drinking tea and soda and laughing about all kinds of memories.
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Dottie's daughter called me yesterday to say Dottie had had surgery that didn't go well and she was going into hospice. I called back this morning, wondering how my mother could see her friend. I started crying when I heard Dottie's eyes have been closed for two days now and her body is preparing its leave. I cried because this was a woman, barely five feet tall, whose smile and good humor lit up a room. She was a great friend to my mother: practical, reliable, cheerful, helpful.
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Anyway, Dottie's daughter told me that Dottie has only spoken twice in the last few days. Here are the circumstances of when and why:
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1. Dottie's daughter is telling the physical therapist that Dottie is 90 years old. Dottie mutters: "It's just a number..."
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2. Her family is trying to help her out of bed into a wheelchair. Her daughter says. "Be careful not to wrinkle her clothes." Dottie pipes in, "What's wrong with wrinkles?"
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Her children are going to remember these moments. And when I am old and ready to die, dear God, let me remember Dottie, and my own mother, and let me hold on to, and tuck under my angel wings, my precious sense of humor.

The Perfect Weekend

Our Ms. Emily Rabbit has leased this drawing to me for the tidy sum of $ 5. The artist is one of my best friends, Ms. Studio Lolo. I was willing to pay Emily for this rendition of 'jubilant' because that is the kind of weekend I had.

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First of all, my good friend Heather arrived Friday night and stayed until this morning. I only see her a few times a year and I delight in fixing her my homemade meatballs and spaghetti sauce. Heather is a fussy eater but she loves my spaghetti. That makes us both happy.

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On Friday night we along with JB went to the Iron Horse, a small music club, dark and inviting, little round tables all with a good view, to hear my friend Nerissa Nields perform with her sister as the Nields. They are a local acoustic folk duo with a national following, and they sang their hearts out. I'm not into pulling a link together just now but google their song "Clean Heart" and you'll know what I mean.

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I fixed breakfast for the three of us: yogurt, nuts, fruit, scones, coffee cake. I liked doing that and I liked that we sat in the little room off the kitchen and contently smiled at one another.

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My weekend only got better: I was alone puttering all day Saturday and most of Sunday while Heather and JB were taking respective woodworking and jewelry making workshops at a local arts and crafts place called Snow Farm. That meant my dog Stella and I had the run of the house.

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I blogged. I wrote. I talked on the phone. I visited my mother. I blogged. I wrote. I talked on the phone. I slid by the chores around me, every now ignoring everything that even looked like work. I did not wear a bra. I did not stack the firewood. I did not empty my suitcase, nor did I organize my office, pay bills, mail books, or empty the dishwasher. (I am lying for dramatic effect: I did empty the dishwasher.)

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I did whatever I wanted. I go for months without a day like that, let alone two days. My rhythm was restored.

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Tonight I had to hustle to write the reports, make the calls, finish the mail. But this is now. I'm talking about Then. Then I let someone I love named kj kick up her heels and do her own thing. And tonight, not long ago, that someone I love named kj told me she feels jubilant.

BOOK SALE! BOOK SALE!!

Hear Ye! This is a pre-holiday pitch on behalf of my beloved first book!!

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The publication of The Light Stays On has been sheer joy. It's a thrill to hold it in my hands, to hear from people who've read it and liked it, to see reviews and excerpts in print. I haven't done the promotion piece justice in recent months, but The Light Stays On is finding its way through Amazon, Barnes and Noble. com, some book signings, a recent book reading, and several favorable critic reviews.

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I apologize if you've come to my blog for leisure and here I am promoting my book. I haven't and won't do it often, but as a jump on the holidays, if books are on your shopping list, I am offering my blog buddies, here and at Blogland Lane, a discounted rate of $10 per book for purchases of two or more books (plus postage).

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To get this rate, you will have to order here (see my sidebar) using Paypal. I will include a beautiful bookplate with each purchase, personally signed by me and inscribed to who ever you'd like.

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If you prefer to pay by check, just send me an email at karenjasper@comcast.net with your mailing address. The shipping charge is $ 4.80 for one or two books, abit more for three or more.

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If you are not familiar with The Light Stays On, here is the synopsis from the back cover:

The Light Stays On by Karen Jasper
$13.95 List price
Publisher: Chihuahua Press

Is it morally defensible for a wife and mother to leave her family because she's fallen in love with someone else?
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What if that wife and mother is terminally ill?

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And what if that someone else is another woman?
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For Alex Fournier, it is the pull of obligation and duty to her husband and children. For Lily Peterson, it is the challenge of loving a woman who belongs somewhere else.

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They are apart for seven years, until a terminal illness strikes. When they finally meet again, they begin an unforeseen and unimaginable journey through a maze of confusing and tender connections with each other and the innocent people who love them.

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And here are some reviews:

Karen Jasper's first novel offers a suspenseful story tackling all the complexities of real life. With a terse, unsentimental and ultimately hypnotic use of language we are treated to a page turner. An account of what it means to be human and what is to be done about it. I would not be surprised if Karen Jasper takes her rightful place, front and center, on the modern literary map.

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This story has a magnificent way of being both light-hearted and warm while still raising heavy moral questions and thought-provoking discussions. It is told in an easy to digest fashion and makes you want to read thought the entire book in one sitting. With engaging characters and well told narrative, this book is a great read.

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Delightful story of friendship and love, I couldn't put the book down. The characters are so well developed and realistic. Karen Jasper's story telling ability grabbed me from beginning. You'll laugh, be sad, be happy and shed tears with this tender story of triumph, friendship and love in the best and worst of times. I look forward to the other stories and characters Ms. Jasper will share with us.
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From the first page to the last this novel will bring you joy and bring you sorrow. It will surprise you with its unexpected twists and turns and warm your heart with its portrayal of love. With psychological acuity, Karen Jasper gives us insights into the emotions and reasonings that guide us to make our life choices. Once you have begun reading your light will stay on until you've read the last line.
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Okay, I did it. I promoted my book on my blog. I did it. I hope you don't mind. And if you don't mind spreading the word, I would appreciate it. I have sales goals in my head, and I'm over the top excited by every single sale!!!

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Thank you, thank you.

P.S. If you're looking for my previous post, I pulled it. I said what was helpful and important to me and I thank each of you so much for your support and wisdom. xo

Animal Wednesday: Make. Believe

Hello! It's me, Emily. Did anyone miss me? I have been traveling and having fun. I have gotten in some trouble but not enough that anyone squealed on me or made me cry so all in all I would say I am fine, except I did run out of money for a short time until kj left her wallet on the coffee table.

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I told kj that I am going to write about make believe this-and-that today and she said, "Oh, that's a mish-mash." I don't think rabbits use that term very much but if you know what it is then that is what I am doing now.

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Here is my first make believe mish-mash:

kj's blog and blogland lane friend Pattee MADE this witch and kj bought it for JB. Her name is Gilda the Witch and she is in a little frame that is going to hang in the kitchen for Halloween. What do you think of the expression on her face? At first she scared me but really I think if she was not stuck in wax she would be fun at a party. Maybe she will turn out to be fun at a party even though she is stuck in wax. That's where the make-believe comes in. First you make, and then you believe.

I went to Provincetown with kj, Lololo, and Debra Kay (more on that later) and they saw this women in a restaurant and Lololo told kj to take a picture of her for their friend Soulbrush. It will be nice if Soulbrush likes this and it makes her happy, but personally I would be very very scared if I had to be alone with who ever this is. Something about her body doesn't look right and those two big circles and little circles don't look right either.
. Speaking of Provincetown, here I am with Mim, who was supposed to come but she didn't because she couldn't so kj, lololo and Debra Kay carried her around anyway and they couldn't stop laughing about it no matter where they went. They laughed just about all the time about it for three straight days. By the way, can you tell how messy kj is sometimes from this picture, because everything around Mim and me is not very neat, right?
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Oh, and here I am again with Mim in front of a house that Debra Kay painted for lololo. One day for an hour Mim came with me to meet Gregory Squirrel but I have to tell you she was way too prissy to have fun with. She kept complaining that she could not climb a tree in her dress and I said to her, "Mim, I'm a rabbit and I'm not even supposed to climb trees but life is short so why do you care?" but she just said hmmpfff! and played with her hair instead. To be fair, I heard that Mim was more fun when she had a few drinks so that counts for something good, right?
. The place in Provincetown was beautiful. Even I appreciated that.

I met Muck, Truck, and Fuck Duck on this beach every morning and we bobbed and bobbed and once I sat on Truck Duck's back and he waddled too. I told kj I was at the library most of the time when I was actually playing with my friends and staying out late. One time kj asked me what time the library closed and I knew it wasn't eleven o'clock at night so then I told her Gregory Squirrel's mother had invited me for acorn stew and chestnut pie and I'm not sure she believed me but I told her squirrels do not have phones so kj did not check my story but I made sure I was home right at 11 so it wouldn't blow my cover for the next day. I am very smart like that.

Before my trip to Provincetown I went to Cleveland with my mother and Uncle Bunny. I have not shown anyone a picture of my mother before but here she is and you can tell that she is a good mother just by the way she looks, right? This was taken before she married and multiplied with my father. My mother tries to be strict with me because I am only 8 or 11 years old but I tell her I need to help JB and kj because JB is sick and sometimes I beg JB to call my mother so I can miss school and go on trips with her and kj. Sometimes JB will do it but alot of times she won't so I have to be more creative with Make and Believe.

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My Uncle Bunny, you should remember him because he was a friend of Janis Joplin's,

is starting a rabbit pellet home heating business and that's why we were in Cleveland, which, by the way, was kind of boring, no offense to anyone reading this who lives in Cleveland. Can you tell Uncle Bunny is smart? I think this picture of him says so.

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I was very bored in Cleveland but I met two nice friends in Provincetown. Lololo, Debra Kay and kj spent 14 hours a day together for just about four four or five straight days and they laughed their as**s' off the whole time. (I am not allowed to swear on kj's blog except to mention Fuck Duck because that is his name. ) I was off doing my own thing most of the time but I like Lololo and Debra Kay a lot because I could tell they liked me and I don't think they would have gotten me in trouble even if they could have. Besides they are very nice friends to kj and I heard kj say that she thinks they would wash her back, whatever the heck that means. kj told me she said 'watch her back' but I know she said 'wash'.

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Have you noticed yet that this week I am saying and doing what ever I want and I am calling it make believe? I do that most of the time anyway, but if you like any of it, you should do what ever you want and call it make believe too. Because you should decide to have fun and not worry about anything except a few things.

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That reminds me about kj's poems. Lately and for a while they are either sad or serious because kj says her heart got cracked open, which to me sounds terrible but kj says she hopes it will be a good thing for her sooner or later. But anyway since I know some of the sorry details I would not be as nice as kj has been for even a minute. So I wrote my own poem about it and I think kj should follow my example instead.

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A Poem by Emily V. V. Rabbit

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So long good bye

You made kj cry

You were very mean

you lima bean!

You called kj names

and gave her the blame

You phony friend'

The End.

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I hope that everyone is happy to see me back on kj's blog. I am going to ask kj to pay me $ 15 this week because this took a long time to write. Meanwhile, don't forget what I am trying to tell you.

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MAKE. and then BELIEVE.

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Try it. I know I'm right that you will feel better following my advice but of course if it doesn't work for you it's not my fault.

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Yours Truly,

Emily Rabbit

For Love

I wrote this poem to hold on tight and true even when love hurts. It's one of my favorites.

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It’s only one arm,
Okay its dominant
But I can still
Raise broth to my frozen lips..
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Only one eye,
The other choked blind
Though still I see your shadow
Gracefully in flight..
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I gave up my voice
So I could hear yours
When the wires
Misfired and static reigned..
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My steps though mis-shapened,
Hobble past space
Where molecular memory
Settled in..
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Forgive me on a day
When my knees give out
And I whimper toward
Whatever grace isn’t..
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When I was whole
I moved too quickly
To notice almost anything.
Lucky loss has given me sight..
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My smile survived
because it double duties
With its tearful turn downward
At midnight, through the howls..
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Yesterday I watched a cattail
Bend and balance
And I remembered when
My heart moved like that..
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This loss of limb and life
Love lust and luster:
What a tiny price
What a tiny price..
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I wonder in the years ahead

Should my parts regenerate

If I will miss

The space I’ve forfeited..

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I wonder if sorrow

Might reappear as joy

filled with the love

That’s made me whole

Memo to kj babe

Lighten up!

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So you got hoodwinked.

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So you made a mistake.

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So you're still an aspiring babe.

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So what?

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Go for it anyway, kj.

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Really.

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Start now.

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Today.

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Just dive right in.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL BAINO

She has been my friend for a long time now.

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We met on the blogs, have never been in the same room or breathed the same air.

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Have never hugged or shared breakfast or gone shopping together.

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But when I've needed a friend, she has been there.

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She has understood without judging,

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Made me laugh for no reason,

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To me, she's a soft shell marshmellow,

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Steady, courageous, insightful.

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She's my friend.

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And when we meet and greet one another,

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And we will,

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I am going to hold her dear and near

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Which is pretty much how I hold her now.

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Happy Birthday Hells.

Love,

kj

Mim & Her Magical Vacation

So it came to pass in October of 2009 that four of many women from the land of the blogs arranged to meet each other at the land's end in Provincetown USA. They planned and plotted, playfully pondering their many hows and whens, and in the end they had a perfectly purposeful plan in place.
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But alas, it came to pass that one of the four of many women was unable to meet at the land's end in Provincetown USA because her husband and her mother-in-law needed her.
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So three of the many women from the land of the blogs met without her and laughed their way through four nights and five days of riotous non-stop adventures. But they could not escape the obvious vacuum caused by the absence of the woman named Mim. Being artistic creative types, these three women from the land of the blogs cleverly devised a way to overcome all obstacles so Mim could be with them afterall.
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This is the true unadulterated story of Mim's vacation adventure at the land's end:

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Mim and her friends started every morning with fresh coffee and a full breakfast. Mim enjoyed people watching from her special vantage point and she even got to pose with a topless comedian, which as you can see she shyly enjoyed immensely.

After walking along Commercial Street in and out of art galleries and waiting for Debra Kay to visit every pet related store in town at least once and sometimes twice, Mim and her friends never missed mealtime.

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And often at the end of the day, or late into the night, they would sit on the couch in kj and Lolo's cottage and talk about art, love, friendship, fashion, animals, dreams, and sex (note: in no specific order).

Mim visited the Artisan Cooperative that kj developed and made herself right at home on one of the metal sculptures:

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At one point Mim may have had too much to drink because her friends found her precariously involved with a older gentleman who may have been a wild cowboy at some point in his life. According to Lolo and Debra Kay, Mim was "rescued" in the nick of time.

Mim also attended kj's book reading. kj is not freely forthcoming with the details, but it was noted that she (kj) was one of three authors reading and let's just say kj was surprised to be the only one who never mentioned nipples or nibbles.

After several drinks at the bar at Ross's Grill on the Waterfront, Mim was desperate to find the ladies' room.

Her friends surprised her by arranging for an afternoon of kayaking. Mim was very very excited until everyone decided to have another round of drinks instead.

She loved all the art in Provincetown, especially the interactive art.

But Mim's very favorite thing to do was to sit with her friends and watch the world pass by.

Debra Kay gave kj and Lolo presents she had painted and embellished just for them. Mim could not resist making herself at home on top of kj's lovely box.

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Before her vacation was over Mim sought guidance and wisdom from ancient sources. But Lolo, Debra Kay and kj took her aside and told her all she needed was to be her wonderful self and enjoy the love and affection of her wonderful friends.

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And that and this, in a nutshell, is the story of how one of many women from the land of the blogs was dragged along on a Cape Cod vacation even when circumstance demanded otherwise. It seems good friends know how to make magic happen sometimes....