Friday, September 07, 2018

September


Fall has come. 

Soon the swimming pool down the block will close and soon we'll plant yellow mums in our window boxes. I'm not in good physical shape. Two weeks ago I started a non-traditional non-surgical back repair program that includes heat, ice, laser, decompression, nutrition, and chiropractic treatment three times a week. This is my last shot to avoid surgery and although I'm complaining I'm committed. 

But that's another story. Here I am on the water's edge of Cape Cod and as always the light is glorious. Little by little JB and I now have good friends, good neighbors, here. If Jess and our grandkids were a little closer, living in Provincetown is spectacular in every way. I bid a happy goodbye to the summer crowds and a blessed hello to crisp air and golden glows.


My brother died a month ago. Because his heart capacity was so weak, he knew he would die but not so fast. He spent the last six months at home feeling better than he ever had, doing what he wanted to do, studying physics and cleaning up his computer and glad that he finally knew why he'd felt so heavy for so many years. He died in 10 minutes, from his kitchen to his favorite chair, and his wife was there to make sure he breathed without panic until the end.

My parents are gone; now my only sibling is gone. I know that there is a family history I will now never know. It feels strange. But what I think most of all is that my brother and I had a good relationship and we acknowledged that at the end. He apologized for not inviting me to his quickie wedding decades ago. I helped him with doctors and hospice. No regrets is its own blessing.

Frankie and our Mother


We're redecorating again. Yesterday we sold our enormous dining room table and in the coming weeks we'll redesign our living room-dining room: ceiling canister lights, wainscoting around the room, probably light aqua upper walls, a smaller table--all with an aim toward beachy coastal comfy.

We're also finishing up our side yard: new decking, a railroad tie retaining wall, a feel of the beach, hopefully, once done. There's nothing I like better than hiring someone to do all the work and I get to watch the transformation happen.


And finally: Donald Trump and the state of the state. I'm sorry to say the American economy and American businesses are rewarding his misguided and amoral policies: the stock market is up and jobs are expanding. This should be good news but the cost of financial prosperity has been at the expense of diversity, human dignity, international friendships, and decency. Donald Trump is an amoral man. It troubles me to no end that a third of Americans actively support him and almost all of the Republican controlled Congress complicitly enables him. 

I have to believe there will be an end to this and in the end American democracy will have survived. The first measurement is the mid term elections in November. It will be a happy day if the Democratic Party retakes the House of Representatives. If not: holy shit....

Finally, I want to add to and ask for good energy and blessings for my friend CS (Secret Agent here on our blogs.) Damn cancer has interrupted her good life and she in the middle of treatment. She'll probably push back on me if I say she's brave but she is, and she's willing to share her journey in a most helpful and intimate way. 

Best wishes in a new season, everyone. What's new with you?
love
kj


16 comments:

  1. Fall has not come and will not come for another couple of weeks. Stop rushing things ! : )

    I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your brother. I can't even imagine how that must feel. I am sending virtual warm and heartfelt hugs your way.

    Good luck with the house and back repairs.

    Love to you and yours.

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    1. Ah 8, Fall is in the air. Mums and apples are on my mind πŸ€—

      Thanks always for your good wishes. 😘
      Love
      kj

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    2. Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

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    3. 8, okay I admit this: I shudder to think of darkness at 4 pm. 😑🀬😑 !
      πŸ’œ

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  2. I'm sorry your brother died but I'm thankful the end of his life was peaceful and enjoyable for him. There are questions I still wish I could ask my mum but that time has passed and it sucks. I truly wish I had spent more time with her. I was always rushing, to what end I don't know.

    Hopefully something good comes out of Trump's maniacal presidency. One can hope.

    I also hope that your exercise regimen helps with your back and you can avoid surgery.

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    1. Thanks, Deb. I wish I had recorded my Mother telling me about her life. I can still ‘hear’ my parents’ voices but I will be so sad if a day comes when I no longer can.

      I don’t know what good can come from Trump’s presidency but I hope for that too.
      Love
      kj

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  3. Do you have a time frame for how long you'll try the alternative treatment? I totally get wanting to explore any option prior to surgery, so I hope it works.

    I'm sorry about your brother and glad he was able to really live at the end. I've lost two brothers. It's hard.

    And I'm not brave! (Sorry, had to.)

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    1. Hi cs πŸ’œ
      The contract I signed up for (all private pay) goes to the end of the year but i’m Giving it 2 months. My pain has increased and my meager mobility has decreased since I started the decompression (traction) but i’m Told that’s not unusual, including by my son-in-law who said one day he woke up after a couple of months of this to and his pain was gone.

      It’s my last non-surgical attempt.

      And in my eyes you’re very smart and very brave😘
      Love
      kj

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    2. If not brave than certainly strong.

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    3. Strong’s a good word too πŸ’œ

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  4. Your brother’s last moments brought tears to my eyes. We all deserve our last moments to be like that, peaceful and surrounded by love.

    Sending you so much love.

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    1. Thank you, Birdie. His one wish was that he wouldn’t fight to breathe at the end, and thanks to his wife, he died peacefully
      Love
      kj

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  5. I'm very sorry about the loss of your brother and wish you well as you continue to try non-surgical alternatives for back treatment. My problem is complicated and cannot be surgically remediated. It is also chronic and promises to be with me for the remainder of my life. You are right about CS and her strength.

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    1. Thank you, e. I hope you have a real way to handle pain. I’ve never had chronic pain before this lengthy bout and wow, sometimes it makes me feel sick. I just tried cannabis cream and it helps. I keep trying to figure out how to keep moving when I can’t weight-bear and that’s a challenge too.

      I so hope you are able to be comfortable.πŸ’œ
      Love
      kj

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  6. Will you email me information about the product you have used with success? Thank you. There is a link on my profile page.

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  7. KJ,

    I am very sorry to hear of your brother's death.

    I think it would be worth a recession if that's what it takes to end the reign of the Republican Party.

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