My days are different. I still notice when it's 4:00 and I still have waves of emotion when I think about my Mother, but there is relief and freedom too. My daughter is content, we currently have no pets, my work schedule is as flexible as I want it, and I can almost see my way past paperwork. I'm free to zig and zag.
We had a pretty nice Christmas. In the midst of it arrived this remembrance lamp from Jessica's friend, Janna, and boy do I like the warmth of it.
JB sewed and I painted this rocking chair for our little grand daughter.
And Christmas day was filled with very fun children--many boys and one little Reese.
JB and I headed to Provincetown the next day, opened our Christmas stockings to one another, and took in the sunsets at the land's end.
In 2014 I operated with a mantra that helped me enormously: WAIT TO WORRY. I also adopted a different approach to accomplishment: I called it TURTLE living. Instead of becoming overwhelmed I just did a little bit most days and trusted that would be enough, that the whole would end up complete or complete enough. Both these approaches have cut down my worrying by 95%. My overwhelming yard work got done this way, and so did my normal chores.
Last weekend Mr. Logan age 3 had an overnight with us, by himself--no grabby brothers to compete with. The whole event was just charming. He slept in a big-boy bed for the first time.
You can tell by his expression how proud he was of himself.
Last post I mentioned how many cards of condolence I've received. Dozens. I keep staring at them. Inside is the love and caring of my friends and family. Lucky duck, I am. I won't forget.
I made ravioli for New Year's Eve. By myself. From scratch. My Mother's recipe. For JB and our friend Liz. I was proud and they were good.
What does it mean to lose your Mother? In my case I feel a softening taking place, as if her kindness and grit and joy of life has taken residence inside me. They'll be no resistance from me.
And finally: yesterday was my Mother's birthday. She would be 99. JB wisely suggested we celebrate by going to my beloved casino. It was a joyful day.
I hope in 2015 to see my second book published. It is an honor to be writing it. That must be a good sign.
Happy New Year. WAIT TO WORRY! And don't be afraid to TURTLE your way along.