Friday, February 08, 2013

Whirlwind


I don't know why. I'm in spot where much is happening though not so obvious to the eye. For one thing, I am changing/reconfiguring/decreasing/leaving/re-evaluating my work. I am staring hard into the eyes of practicality and money and insisting that they and I look at now, and a year from now: so what if it's at the expense of life at ninety? 

Also, my Mother has had a small stroke. She leans to the left and is weak. For a number of days her green eyes, those eyes I will always see and love, seemed vacant, to varying degrees. (My Mother is now 97. She has broken her hip, her shoulder, her arm and her finger, all separately. She was in bed honestly dying for three months last winter. So I and everyone who knows her is not counting her out. ) What I am doing is treasuring this remarkable woman I have come to know, adult to adult, daughter to Mother.


And JB had a big round number birthday this week. I made her a cake, we took the day off and went to lunch and then to see Argo at an afternoon matinee.  We had plans to spend Friday night in Boston at the Elliot Hotel but instead we have stacked firewood on the porch and are watching a blizzard unfold that is predicted to drop 12-24 inches of snow. Two feet is alot of snow. 


We are not in Boston going to museums and acting sophisticated. Instead, we are home quietly and consistently eating birthday cake. :^)


Soon I am going to do a post on this poster.  


One definite thing about predicted snow storms in New England is that people (over) prepare. We have flashlights and candles and batteries and food. I spent the morning casually and happily cooking. I made spaghetti sauce, my Father's recipe. I'm making beef stew in the crock pot. I may bake bread. 

Like a Senior Squirrel Girl Scout, I want to be prepared if we lose our electrical power. Food. Fireplace. Light. I remember my parents planning for storms like this when I was a little girl. I remember how great it felt to lose power and glow in the dark. I remember I had a pretty happy childhood.


Here he is: Mr. Chase. He is getting abit softer. However, he howls in the middle of the night (like a wolf), he will not pee no way on a leash, he declines to come when he's called. And his seizure medications are too expensive. 

That said, I'm glad for him. Today he we took him  into Look Park as some serious snow and little wind gusts hit us. It was entirely new for him. He had on his fleece overcoat that greyhounds need in winter because their skin is thinner than a baby's. He liked it. 

Chase is not always this relaxed. We think sometimes he has baby seizures and then his face is tighter. But all in all I think he is going to have a good life here. 



Hmmm, now who is this?

the little speck of a yellow house is mine
JB and I are settled home until this blizzard ends sometime tomorrow night. I might get up at 3 am tonight just to see the height of the wind and drifts.

I am now finished with this post and I've ended up not writing about the whirlwind of my life currently.  Instead, I've focused on a snapshot of a day or two, with good reasons to be thankful. I am thankful. But don't go thinking I'm at the place of peace where I want to be, and I want to stay, because I'm not there.

Happy weekend
with love
kj

47 comments:

  1. Stay safe in the storm, dear Twinkles!
    xoxoxo

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  2. sweet Chase :)

    I'm in that storm with you as well as enduring a private storm of my own.

    Thanks for being there♥

    Happy Birthday JB!!♥

    xoxo
    Lo♥

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    1. Been thinking about you all night into the morning. It's now 7:43 am and we still have power. But what I see on tv of Rhode Island makes me hope you are warm.

      How about these drifts, lo?! Thank god they will melt and pass, in time. So too your troubles.

      Love, always
      kj

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  3. Oh, there is a lot going on in your life just now. Mine too.
    Let's be like pretty blowing leaves in the wind, just settle down and do some good somewhere.
    Hope you are safe and stay warm and that the storm will not be too bad for you. xx

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    1. Hi Kay, 'do some good somewhere'

      What a great way to think and live. Thank you my friend

      Love
      kj

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  4. Stay warm and safe dear!!!
    You are one of the 2 blogs which are loading on my pc but unfortunately not all your pictures so I will have to get back for those I am missing now.
    Good you are well prepared! Boston.... wish we will fly there one day! And than long layovers please.......
    Glad chase is doing better.
    Happy Birthday to JB. Bet you had a cozy time home instead of being in the big city. Hug her from me will you.
    Sorry to hear about your Mom, hope she will recover from this.
    Hoping you all be safe and that later this year we get to meet again somewhere.............
    Take care dear!
    ♥M

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    1. Marianne, I am now going to ask the sky goddess to add Boston to your flight schedule :-)

      We are prepared but JB is nervous. And until we are plowed out there in no way chase can make it outside to pee. The snow is now DEEP--not sure I can get the doors open!

      Love
      kj

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  5. I am twirling along with you in that odd blizzard called life. After all day here we have 2 inches. Really????

    Happy B day to JB and I am glad you didn't go into the city, you'd be there for days! and cozy home warm food birthday cake sounds good to me

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    1. Ha no more two inches now Mim, right?!!!

      I hope you have heat. No class for you today: maybe you will be in your studio all day with the water lily girls :-)

      Love
      kj

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  6. "That place of peace" ~ oh, I so want to be there! There are days when I wonder if I ever will again? Inner peace seems entirely elusive these days...

    Happy Birthday to JB and big get well wishes to your mom! And a scratch for Chase. And a hug for you!

    Reading the words on that poster gave me goose bumps. It's all pretty miraculous considering how big the universe is!

    Love, Silke

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    1. That gentle place for you and me and all our friends here.

      It's not easy for a little crocus to break through the ground. But every spring that is what happens

      Hang in, little crocus

      Xoxo

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  7. Oh, and I see you brought out your zinnias - that made me extra special happy today! xoxo Silke

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  8. Your weather is making my weather easier to bear.

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    1. Damn right, snow. There is 24 inches in my yard, town, state!

      Love
      kj

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  9. Happy Birthday to JB.
    Hunkering down with birthday cake sounds wonderful...
    Enjoy and stay warm.
    xo
    Kristin

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    1. Only two pieces left. Kristin :-)

      xo

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  10. KJ, i'm going to say it. not sure if it's true or not but it seems so and certainly applies to me - if we're not in that place of peace...it's because we don't really want to be. perhaps we want to go between that place and this other one. there is no peaceful state on the planet, or only a peaceful state if you remove yourself far enough and are able to witness the balance that is. for myself, i think i need the tension between the peaceful state and this other state to afford me more opportunities to grow. perhaps for you too? oh, what do i know? i might just be right full of beans. certainly another day i might have a different thought. either way i hope that food is good and filling, your house stays warm, and your mom stays as dynamic and radiant as she seems. don't worry one dot on what will happen at 90. think now, my friend.

    this life is so complicated. i become stupefied by it daily, and then, as you do, acknowledge my gratitude.

    be well))))

    xo
    erin

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    1. Erin, I think sometimes circumstance demands sorrow and peace is not possible. This is not the case for me, but I think if something happened to my daughter or SIL or grand kids or partner, I would not be at peace until grief had its way.

      Balance, yes. But doesn't that mean the top if the roller coaster has a bottom too? I do a pretty good job at bring centered and I have many blessings. But sometimes, my heart insists on a journey that is chaos!

      Love your comment,
      kj

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    2. Erin, I loved your comment. I think my comment is dorky :-)
      xo to you :-)

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  11. Note: holy moly there is a blizzard! 3-5 inches of snow an hour. We still have power at 1 am but the winds are howling and will continue all night. At least 8 inches on the ground so far: could be up to 24 inches .

    I hope my friend lo is alright in Rhode Island . And I hope my daughter Jessica and her family are warm

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  12. oh my goodness! i am watching the weather reports, hope everyone stays safe. it's so exciting too, how i wish i were there watching it fall, and i might like a piece of the cake too :) snow snow snow!

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    1. 24 inches, Lori! My my my!

      It has been exciting!!!!!

      Love
      kj

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  13. Nemo is a much too nice name for a snowstorm like this. My best wishes to you both ánd Chase for your safety. But I read that you are very good prepared for things that hopefully will not happen.
    I am sorry about your mother. But she is a tough one.
    Congratulations for JB. Forty is not too bad :-)
    Good to see my boy Chase in such a good health.
    Take care!

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    1. Hello wieneke! All is well here except we have to shovel more tunnels (paths) :-) for chase in the backyard. He is fussy just-so in his toileting habits :-)

      I wake up to your many presents, my friend. Always brings a smile

      Love
      kj

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  14. Well to all that is and all the might have been, to the scaling back while moving forward *tink* to JB and her happy birthday. *tink* to your mom who taught you how to have a happy childhood and *tink* to over preparing. here we just say fuck it, whatever, we are badder than the weather and the weather knows it an passes us by unless of course it pays us something first. Detroit is the weathers troll under the bridge.

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    1. Love those tinks, mark. Thank you :-)

      This was a bad ass storm! Even by detroit's measure. But now, it's easy coasting :-)

      Hope you are well, my friend

      Love
      kj

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    2. kj we got maybe 4 inches. I tell you the weather is afraid of us too. *shrug*

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  15. nice...sounds like a cool birthday, been waiting to see argo...might take it in with the wife this weekend...happy birthday to JB as well...we caught the tail end of the storm so got little...but stay warm...over prepping is not a bad thing at all...smiles.

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    1. Hi Brian, I hope you see Argo this weekend. It is suspenseful!!

      I owe you visits and comments and thank you's!

      Love
      kj

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  16. Sounds like you're safe and warm! The news here is that this storm is really bad, so I thought I'd pop in just to make sure you were ok.

    So sorry about your mom, it's difficult, I know. She lives in your heart, as well.

    Lovely, calming post, kj, even if you don't feel it...xx

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    1. Marion xo, hello! Been thinking of you, email coming soon.

      Reconfigurations a happening all over the place. Right?! :-)

      Love love
      kj

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  17. sending healing wishes to your dear mom, and birthday wishes to jb. stay safe, and stay warm.

    xo
    amanda

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    1. Amanda, currently safe warm and loosey goosey

      I hope you are too

      xoxo
      kj

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  18. I am thinking of you KJ. I hope you and JB are staying safe and warm ... and eating spagetti too! I'm glad that Chase is improving and become softer. That is the perfect description.

    Finding a place of peace within when so much without is stormy (in the emotional sense of the word) is not easy. I find it useful to remind myself that I can find that place in the NOW. Yes there are things to worry and fret over, there are things that must be done and I am the one to do them, but fundamentally sometimes I have to remind myself that amongst all this stuff I am doing OK. That this stuff that is happening is the stuff of life. Without it there would be ... well nothing I guess!

    Much love, and stay warm! xx Jos

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    1. Jos, I am lucky to have your perspective and wisdom. How true that things are easier to handle in the now . I actually kinda sorta pretty much know this, finally :-)

      Love
      kj

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  19. I'm a new visitor. You write beautifully.

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    1. Welcome and thank you, Susan. I loved your thoughts about life maps. I'll be back

      Love
      kj

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  20. KJ - I missed this post. I was scrolling for a couple of days to get to the bottom. You gotta lotta friends, my friend. :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY to JB! Snow and cake sound pretty good to me, especially with Squirrel Scout First Class on hand, readying the house and filling it with delicious smells. Stay warm! xox

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    1. Hahaha, half if those comments are mine, Pam! I am my own friend!

      JB missed out on her night in Boston but we'll reschedule. She did get lunch and a movie before the blizzard blew in.

      Love
      kj

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  21. Happy happy birthday to JB! Big round numbers are comfortable for me, even if they frighten others away. I, too, have been waiting out a storm ... Quietly and consistently, the only way to eat birthday cake. Big Love to you, my friend. ♥Deb♥

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    1. Deb, not a day goes by that I don't think of you and Anne and your families. Big love to you too. Together Strong. Advice from the wisest among us

      Love
      kj

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  22. Kj, I keep having trouble commenting on your blog and Lo's and Pam's not sure what is going on!
    But know I am coming and trying, maybe it will work this time.
    I am sorry to hear your mom had a stroke, you know that is what took my mother, so I am non to fond of them. Sending hugs to her and you.
    Happy birthday to JB and kisses to Chase.
    Glad you weathered the storm.
    xoxo

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    1. Annie, how frustrating is that!

      The stroke was small. Brain spasms seem to he settling down. How can it not take it's toll at age 97, but my Mother is still as to show up and push ahead.

      Your web page is so awesome, which
      Is to say your art is awesome!

      Love
      kj

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  23. well even this feels a bit whirlwindy to me. sending prayers for your Mom. How lucky you have been to have her around for so long. May chase find peace and love with you, I know he already has, poor dear. Happy round number birthday to JB. best, suki oh by the way I tried to figure out a 10 year plan for my life recently. Why ten years I dont know. Hard enough to plan for next week much less ten years.

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    1. Loved catching up- I'm sure you will sort it all out for the best and come to a sweet place of peace that meets all requirements. Your mother is 97!? Wow. Hoping she is ok this time too. What a tough lady! Chase is soooo lucky - your love for him will heal him so much. Thinking of you over there in the snow. We are enjoying a not-too-bad summer over here. xx

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  24. The whirlwind of life had taken over myself the last couple years. I climbed out of dark hole hoping to see a new world. But realized I had to clear the path to healing before I could. I am slowly gaining my strength and peace of mind. Its a long hard road with bumps and potholes which i always tried to avoid. No longer am I going to avoid but push through. Hugs and Love KJ xoxoxoxoxxo

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