Sunday, February 19, 2012

Damn



She's been my biggest fan. Actually I don't think of myself as having 'fans' so that's always made her even more special. Her name is Linda Shepard and I met her on the blogs during the time that our mutual friend Renee was sick and she never failed to cheer on my writing and then I met her in her Arizona kitchen one afternoon and she cooked JB and I an incredible meal.

JB and I were on our way to a week's vacation and we were nearby enough to steer our rental car to Linda's beautiful home in the middle of nowhere. She kept saying, "I cannot believe kj is here in my kitchen! I cannot believe I'm having dinner with kj and JB!"

The last time I heard from her she said she was having some medical problems, that she would be in touch. That was a year ago. I've written, I've tried to call, I've contacted her condo association, I've googled, I've checked the town census. No word. And let me tell you what you already know: this is the absolute worse part of blogging. I fear the worse about Linda Shepard my friend and I hate that I don't know if she is okay, not okay, alive or not, in need or not, somewhere, nowhere. I don't think truly she would have stopped contact with me if she could help it.

I repeatedly say that it is important to have IN PERSON and local friends; that it is not a good idea to build your friendships only around blogging. Instead, why not take the unconditional regard and love we offer one another and model that in all our other relationships, the ones that are more conplicated, more demanding, messier and more challenging. I stand by this belief, keep your day friends!, but tonight what I also know is I have lost a good friend and I would like to know what happened. I would like her to know how much she matters to me and how much I have always appreciated her support.

I'll end by letting Linda speak for herself, this introduction on her blog, Arizona Skies:

I'm an early retiree with a 60's social conscience, living in and loving the American Southwest. This is a landscape of my world and you're welcome to come along whether I'm blogging from home or traveling in my RV. Every morning when I look up at that luminous blue Arizona Sky, I'm happy. Here is this brand new day dawning that I can fill with new friends and experiences. There is no telling what will come next and no nibbling around the edges. I take big juicy bites, till it runs down my chin and makes my fingers sticky. Indulgence is a heady brew so I'm jumping in with both feet and laughing out loud. Life is amazingly good.

Good to know how to hold on to people from afar....

love kj

52 comments:

  1. Kj I hope you hear from your friend, not knowing is hard...

    Wander

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    1. chris, i actually no longer expect to hear from her, so i would be jubulant if i did.

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  2. KJ, some of this kind of thing can be avoided if we exchange contact information. I'm slow to do it, but I do eventually it partly to avoid just what you're talking about.

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    1. yes, snow. good. i'm glad. me too. info coming ♥

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  3. Linda seems to be such a wonderful person, kj. I hope you find her. Maybe she's disappeared because she's in cahoots with emily rabbit.

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    1. possible but not likely, rob-bear :^)

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  4. Did no one know what is the matter with her? Or did they not answer your questions at all? I understand your frustration completely. Not knowing is bad.

    I have a blogstop myself too, but I am fine and will come and read your and other blogs regularly. The faithful blogger friends all have my e-mailaddress and I have theirs. We'll keep in touch.

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    1. no response from anyone, wieneke. i sent a letter to her home address, asking for contact. i called the police, her condo assn, checked the obits, left word on her blog, called her cell phone. her son lives in ca. and it's possible she is with him, but i know i would have heard from her....

      you too, wieneke. i would not want to lose contact with you. ♥

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  5. Hope you can get an answer KJ to where she is or if she's moved, etc.
    It took me until last Fall to find a friend from NOLA through the internet~~had no current ph # or addy; googled, etc, was ready to go through obits online.
    And then happened on a page where I found someone who sounded like her~~and it was!
    I only WISH there were people around here like my blog friends.
    Where I live it is not a matter of choice, but necessity to reach out of this place into a more educated world.....
    I hope you can find an answer.

    XXOO~~
    Anne

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    1. anne, i am mightly glad to be your friend! and yes, our friends here are nothing short of wonder-ful.

      love ♥

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  6. I absolutely hate that part of blogging - people just disappear and you never know why. I sure hope you hear from her or find out in some other way what's happened.

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    1. i know where to find you, cs! and you know where to find me!

      xoxo

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  7. Kj, This is awful. I always say that if I disappear for a long time and I have not told you, something bad has happened because I know how bad this feels and I would not do it. I hope you hear from Linda soon.
    And yes always keep you day friends!
    xoxo

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    1. aw but annie, could you would you make arrangements for a friend to access your blog and say something. because to just stop hearing from you, knowing something bad has happened, would be very difficult for everyone who cares about you here.

      xoxo

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    2. Kj, I will, most of my friends don't blog, but Becky does so I will give her my info and then I will be all set, good idea :-). xoxo

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    3. Kj, I will, most of my friends don't blog, but Becky does so I will give her my info and then I will be all set, good idea :-). xoxo

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  8. KJ..I have wondered about Linda too... you *introduced* me to her before you and JB visited her...and we shared a few comments.
    I loved the photos of her home - and you there! Her humour is infectous - (I remember the story of the quest for a new handbag - hilarious!) I hope she is ok...and perhaps just tired of blogging...still, it is worrisome.

    You must remember that for some people - acquiring *Day Friends* - particularly if you are not working, or don't have parents or siblings or are *not so young* and all your one-time neighbours have moved - is nearly an impossibility in this 21st Century. If you are blessed to have all of those things in life - it's wonderful.....but it is not always the case. It's one reason why I have e-mail and phone numbers for all my blogging family....

    I continue to say prayers for Linda...and hope that someone *ot there* may read your post and let you (and us) know what is going on with this lovely lady.

    Love,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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    1. i'm more than worried at this point, robin...

      you raise some interesting and important points about friendship. i cherish the friends i have from blogging as well as the friends who have moved away or are far away, as i know you do. and, i think it's also important whenever possible to hold on to old friends and to be able to reach out to friends who can be close enough to sit with you and offer hands on help and love if and when a crisis occurs. those kind of friends can come from a shared history, from church, from work, from neighbors, from charity connections, from shared interests, but there is something precious about having nearby anchors and fellow gigglers. i know not every one has the benefit of such people. my point is more that blog relationships are often easier and oh so precious in some part because of many easier factors and it's a mistake to think to use them as a yardstick for other kinds of friends. does that make sense?

      love
      kj

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  9. We all fear this don't we. In all honesty KJ - if her condo association didn't write back to say she was deceased or gone, the something has happened so that she doesn't want to blog anymore. Who knows! We meet all kinds of people out there.

    My DH has my log on info so if anything happens to me - he'd log on and update.

    I won't lose you, you won't lose me. And bunches of others.
    I'm having a tough time commenting using my iPad so this is stilted but I want to stop before it stops working at all. More later. Love mim

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    1. mim, all the condo assn could tell me is that she no longer lived there.

      you bet you won't lose me xoxo. not in a million years.


      kj

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  10. I hope you hear from someone who knows Linda. How awful just to worry and not know what has happened. I'm with Robin and Anne - I am so happy to have my blog friends to check in with. They are my day friends! Lol! xox Pam

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    1. pam, from these comments i think we've hit on a third rail regarding how and who and when and where we choose our friends. it amazes me, the friends i have from blogging. it astounds me. and it makes me want to be sure that google blogger is not the only means of 'knowing'.

      love
      kj

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  11. Alright, give me a chance to contact some friends in Arizona and see if we can put a posse together to find out without intruding where and how she is.

    Send me some info about her city - if I have any of my friends nearby I know someone would be able to find out. I know exactly what you mean about friends on the ether but I agree with Robin as well.
    We have personal, "live" friends around us but that is because Beloved was born here, I have lived here for many years and my oldest friend in this country - 39 years - lives five minutes away while another dear old friend lives across the street. But, they are not a part of my online family, and you must remember the flaming hoops I had to run through to get info about Renee from the Hospital and not until I said I was her cousin I got to talk to Heidi and found out from her what was going on, since I didn't want to intrude on Jacquie or anyone else at that time.

    So let me help if I can. I certainly cannot promise I would be able to, but as sure as rain I will try.

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    1. allegra, thank you so much. linda live(s)(d) in chandler. i will email you info and i am most grateful for any effort. yes, i remember you and i were both renee's 'cousins'. a second year is coming up, allegra. and not the smallest fading of such deep love and connection.

      love,
      karen

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  12. This has happened with too many people I have known online. I hate it.

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    1. barbara, makes me think to be sure i don't lose contact if i can help it.

      xoxo

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  13. I can see how this is upsetting, esp as you met in person! I am surprised the condo association didnt reply. can you telephone them? A year is a long time not to hear from her. so sending prayers that she is well. If she lived in a condo group it is hard to believe she had no friends!

    I have to admit that i havent set up anything with my son to let people know via my blog if something should happen to me. I guess I could add him on as a contributor so he could post. Otherwise, if I just stop blogging because I dont want to anymore I will let everyone know. But as Annie said, if I just disappear for a long time, like six months or so, figure the worst.

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    1. suki, i spoke to her association by phone. it is a huge complex with hundreds of 'homes'. they gave me the # of a neighbor, no luck. i have written, left phone messages, checked the internet. thank you for your prayers.

      suki, it would be horrible to not hear from you for any length of time and not know if you are okay. you have friends here, in new england, i among them, who would help, drive to you, whatever, any time needed. please know and remember that.

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  14. ps thanks for removing Word Verification

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    Replies
    1. oh you are most welcome!

      damn blogger!

      Delete
  15. pss i read on FB today that Mary Oliver is seriously ill. two women started a blog where folks can post messages to MO.

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    1. yes, i was told this last week. mary oliver has roots and a home in ptown so word traveled fast. double damn.

      xo

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  16. That's the shits KJ.

    I hope you find out one way or another so there can be an answer. of course I hope she's fine, just done with blogging.

    Mary Oliver's ill? Oh my :(

    Hey, xoxoxox!
    Love,
    Lo♥

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    1. hello pp, how nice to see you here! sometimes i think there is something wrong with me, lo. i feel strongly that linda would not have just stopped blogging and not contacted me. maybe i think myself too important, i don't know, but i just don't think it's come down that way.

      and YOU! stay put and stay close please!

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  17. I was here earlier today, without time to comment. I've thought about this a lot through out the day, and of course I too, hope she is well.
    But know what? I think it's very possible that she was just done. It happens.Happened to me with a real life friend of many years.No disagreement, no argument,,,just poof! My sister finally was able to track her down for me, and she said she was no longer into her past, but was looking to her future.
    Sometimes we just don't know where people are coming from,,,or where they go, or why.
    Just remember her in love,and pray for all her best. It's all we can do.
    (and I know that you do)

    XO

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    1. hi babs, see my comment to lo. maybe i live in a fantasy world. maybe i expect too much. maybe this is why i've mourned my not so private breakup for three years now. i hate goodbyes.

      and this one, linda was planning an rv trip to new england. she was excited. it doesn't compute

      and don't you be going anyway, please, babs. or at least not without saying so.

      love
      kj

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  18. This must be terrible, not knowing, hope someone knows something.......
    I can imagine you are worrying :(
    ♥M

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    1. yes, yes, yes, marianne.

      take care, my friend
      xoxo

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  19. kj sometimes you have to wait for the last page before you get to the end of the story. Speculation and worry can drive you wild and in your wildness if you find out "OH I just bustedmy pc and din't get another" well...then you go nuts from relief and anger.

    I don't mind when people move on or off without regard for what i think because i do not live their lives for them and no one gets to live mine for me...we can travel the path together fo a time but sometimes we or they both in blogopia and the face world just take an unintentional turn and shazaam you can't find your way back to the right road.

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    1. mark, this is true. you've said it beautifully. but i, i do mind when people move on. i may understand and even encourage, accept, but i feel the loss.

      hell, mark, wouldn't you miss me?!

      :^)

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    2. Why would I miss someone that I carry inside me, in that special room where there is never worry, fear or doubt. If you physically left me today, I would still have the best of you within.

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  20. Ugh. If this happened to me I would be so worried. I'm so sorry, KJ, what a frustrating and scary situation. I hope she's okay and maybe she's just needed to take a step back from blogging. Fingers crossed that it all turns out well.

    Hugs and more hugs,
    Tracy

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    1. hi tracy, i've been investigating some more and it turns out you may well be right. i take everything so personally..... :^)

      hugs to you too, billboard girl

      xoxo

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  21. Hey sweetie, I can understand why you're concerned...it just seems out of character for this lady. She mustn't be able to access a computer for some reason...hopefully she's not ill...see here am I already making up little stories in my head as I'm sure you've done many times over the last year...let's hope that somebody hears something soon. I'd be honored if you came lookin for me honey if I disappeared from the blog world....take care and sending a hug to you.

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    1. chrisy, i hope i'm in your country now day to look for you!

      xoxo

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  22. It's not the first time is it? Remember Anonybird? No idea what happened to her. Idon't blog much anymore but you'll know when I'm not around, I promise.

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    1. hells, i will always remember anon bird. i still hope beyond hope one day she will find us...and of course here too i think something happened to prevent her from doing that

      as for you and me, i promise too and it's good to know one sure thing!
      love
      kj

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  23. Ah, kj, I'm so sorry! I've often wondered what happened to Linda. We exchanged a few comments, although were not close. The last I heard was she was going on a trip with a friend, I think, but it was a long time ago and my memory is not that great, haha!

    You're such a good friend, in all ways. I would be very sad if you suddenly disappeared, since your posts are full of laughter, fun and wisdom. I know you could not pack up your tent and disappear just as I could not...but sometimes, there are things in people's lives we don't know about. Does anyone have her son's address? One of her followers, maybe?

    I'm not blogging on a regular basis, but I promise when I leave for good, I'll let you know. I know how this feels, it's happened to me over the years. Take care of yourself, kj xx

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  24. You hit the nail on the head with this one and I hope everything is fine with your blogging friend.

    My boyfriend stopped dating me to date a mutual friend and sadly, most of our friends were mutual and they spent their time spreading lies about me, so I just backed away into a corner. I mostly have online friends, now, but it isn't the same and they can "disappear" at any moments notice and they have.

    Hope you get reconnected...

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  25. oh kj... all my best friends are ppl who know me from the blog first.. so i know exactly how u feel... this IS sad.. but ... well,, just sending up a tiny prayer for u to find her somehow..

    in the meantime... we're around!!

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