Monday, November 30, 2009

A Brief Story


(Please note: Ah! If you're looking for Milo, scroll down one post and you'll find him quite enjoying himself...Until then:)
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I'd begun to post some excerpts from book # 2, a novel-memoir that I thought I would be able to share here, at least selectively. But I'm learning this is not the time or place. Much of the story is too raw, too personal, too unfamiliar, too risky even, to be putting out while I'm still in the deep process of figuring out what and who I'm actually really writing about.
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So to those of you who started to follow my characters, they'll more than likely be back, but not now. Instead, I've decided to write a story a week, with one self imposed guideline: the complete story can be no longer than one paragraph.
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Perhaps a loosely defined paragraph, but that's all. Mostly Short. Brief. Concise.
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Contrition
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I had left three (vague) messages before I finally reached him at the rectory. He sounded gruff.
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"What's this about?" he asked.
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"My mother can't live alone anymore and she won't move in with me because I'm a lesbian."
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Pause. "Well, its not her sin."
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Slience: The sound of smashing glass.
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"Father...I am not interested in discussing this with you. I just want you to tell my mother it's okay for her to live with me."
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"Well, you are her daughter." Pause. "That's the most important thing." Pause. "Okay, I'll tell her."
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Pause. "Thank you Father."
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Silence: The sound of breathing out.
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The changes in red were added afterwards. When you read the comments, you'll understand why. Even stories are in the eye of the beholder... xoxo

26 comments:

  1. hi! No mystery how i found you..Deborah, our sweet darling ORDERED me here..;D

    you bet.. i will come hang out. ;)

    ;)
    ~Silver

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  2. welcome silver, thanks for stopping by. i've never linked someone at first meeting but tonight that is what i will do...
    :)

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  3. Hey, I am happy that I can read an exerpt of your new book, I really enjoyed reading the past one, By the way I am completelly recovered, so please let me know if I can help you in any way with your book, or whatever, You make this world seem a little nicer to me.
    M

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  4. wow!!! totally loved the whole piece! within a paragraph.. u build a suspense, create a situation and the release the tension too... loved it!!

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  5. Ha! Well that sounds pretty real! There's a 55 word thing going around the blogs and some of the stories are very poignant with so few words. Damn I hate judgmental people. And yes, I think it's probably wise to keep your special story for a time when you're comfortable enough to put it out there. Meanwhile you can 'whisper' to your friends and get it off your chest.

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  6. Excellent! What a juicy bit, too! Can't wait for January .... :)

    And, please tell Milo that I cannot wait to have morning coffee with him! What a cutie pie. :)

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  7. I am assuming this was priest the conversation was with? Grr!

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  8. Wow! kj, this is so powerful. I could see a whole book about these little pieces. I'd call this one 'Love'.

    If I had a bear, I'd have him give you a big hug. You will just have to settle for one from me.

    xoxo

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  9. mariana,i am SO glad you are back. i missed your thoughtful comments and friendship. next time, you can't sneak away without sending a message first. okay? xo

    how do we know, damn! i need to visit you! thank you as always. your opinion means alot.

    honey hells, can you hear me whispering?

    mim, yipee!

    melissa: january will be ORGASMIC!
    but no milo, he will have traveled to his next destination by then. unless he elopes, in which case deborah will be blowing smoke instead of kisses. xo

    mark, hmmmm. not clear it is a priest? hmmmm. more words needed?

    linda, 'little pieces': OMG! that might be a perfect title. MWAH! TSUP!

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  10. I get 2 people here that she's telling, right?

    First the one she'd been trying to reach by phone. A relative for sure.

    You wouldn't try reaching a priest by phone would you?

    And she didn't say "Father" in the first part.
    I think she got her consolation and permission (for lack of better words)from the latter.

    Maybe he was a Latter Day Saint!
    Sorry, poor joke ;P

    xoxo

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  11. Strong and powerful.
    Honey, I have been so busy with my baby cats and working that I don't even have time to eat :-), let alone play. xoxo

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  12. Dear KJ,

    You did an astounding job with your story.... and yes, it was very clear that one of the characters was a priest..... (perhaps because I am a Catholic, he was easily recognised)!

    You are one talented and caring lady! So glad we have "met"!

    Robin

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  13. Gripping. It is incredibly hard to write short short stories like this. An interesting challenge you have set yourself. I agree abt the early drafts of a novel/memoir etc. Raw and best to let sit a bit until worked through more although having one trusted person to share with or a small inperson group can sometimes work even w/very raw things.

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  14. This is really good; I could feel the tension and anxiety and anger. It's super you were able to portray it in such few words! That's very difficult.

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  15. kj, i'm not a good judge of writing but i agree with all your lovely commenting friends, you can write! SO much was said in such little space, i don't know how you do that.
    do whatever you like here though dear, we all love and support you i am quite sure. Mariana is right, you do make the world seem a little nicer. a lot nicer.
    xoxoxoxo

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  16. Very cleverly written piece kj, I love the idea of a novel within a paragraph, wonderful!
    xxsm

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  17. I love short shorts!
    (well, stories, anyway)
    Is it really a priest? I missed that entirely. I thought she was talking to her Dad about her Mom.
    (something I've done before)

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  18. lo, hahahahahaha! NO! she only calls one person and he's a priest. how else would you contact a priest--go knock on his door and interrupt his supper? but clearly i could be clearer, that's now clear! i made a change or two just now... ps xoxoxoxo!

    annie, that's okay, i'll swing in a nearby tree until you have time to come out and play. no rush. but i hope things are getting better and calmer with all three of you...

    robin, i am glad we've met too. but how am i going to reciprocate?
    xo

    suki, yeah, i just couldn't do it. plus i was worried about other people too. i have a memoir group who is a godsend. but let me tell you: writing can be painful! very painful!

    marion, i love the challenge of being brief. goodbye adjectives and adverbs. hello strong nouns and verbs. xoxo

    lori, i certainly love and support you, so thanks for returning the favor. i think you are terrific!

    sweetsweetmango, tsup! thank you for coming by when i've not been to see you. but i did earlier, and as always i'm the better for it. i've missed you, dear crush... :)

    babs, it's a priest alright. i made a change to make that more obvious.....

    xoxoxoxo!

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  19. Ha! I thought it was the dad of the woman as well! OF COURSE it is a priest...and your changes were perfect! They pull it all together for me absolutely perfectly, kj!

    I am going to practice writing short stories...thank you for the inspiration!

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  20. Hi kj!

    Love your story! The style reminds me of "short shorts," as these really short stories were called back when I knew such things.
    :0)
    Take a closer look at my blogroll, Twinkles - you've been there all along. I've got a bazillion blogs on the blogroll and they are listed by whoever has the most recent postings. I show 25 at a time, and at the bottom of the list you can click on "show more" and there you are! Every time!
    :0)
    Glad you liked the angel!
    ;D
    I'll tell you more about it soon.

    Hugs,
    xoxoxo
    Angela

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  21. I like this piece very much.
    totally understandable that you would want to keep the new work under wraps for a while. Thank you for sharing what you do/write.

    [I ok'd your last comment to me, but it doesn't seem to be showing up for me... wanted to thank you.]

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  22. I'm catching up, I love this story! It is amazing and powerful. It is a great idea to do it in a paragraph.

    I look forward to someday reading your published book.

    It is so sad when people limit their love by rules of right and wrong when really it is all just a crock of shit...

    much love

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  23. haha the comments are so interesting. lolo is so funny! Nice to see a new inspiration happening! good and compelling. Makes me want more :?) This is me with my big nose, haha

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  24. Priest father, not Dad father, right?

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