Chapter 24

Mike was seated in a corner booth furthest from the bar. When Lily walked in, he motioned to her with his right hand and she walked toward him, trying to steady herself by keeping her knees straight. She pushed her bag and coat to the far end of the seat across from Mike, sat down and picked up a fork before she looked at him. When they finally made eye contact, his eyes were tentative and glossed over. He clenched several paper napkins in his left hand, twisting them tightly in front of him, until he saw, even in the dim light of Hough’s Tavern, Lily’s face. She was close to crying herself.
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They looked at each other and said nothing. Mike was braced, Lily was terrified.

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Finally, she said, “Mike, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ve never in my life been involved with someone who was already committed, and I’ve asked myself a thousand times why…”

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“Stop, Lily. I’m not interested in your doing penance at my expense. I’m here because Alex is sick and our children are involved. And our children need the adults to make this crazy situation tolerable. And Alex needs her strength to fight.”

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Mike stopped. He was afraid if he continued he would blow apart all the way to where Danny and a few of the other guys at the bar were trying to ignore him but were periodically glancing over to evaluate his composure.

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“Mike, tell me what I can do. Please, tell me what you think is best”.
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Mike pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. He stared at it for about 10 seconds, it, moving his eyes rapidly from top to bottom, side to side, like one of those old Smith Corona typewriters.

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“Well, first off, Alex will be staying with you. She and I already talked about that, she wants come home on weekends—you know when the kids are more likely to get in trouble, with cars and parties and all, .but I don’t see that, really. I don’t think it’s good for her to move around like that. So I thought it would be good if the kids had dinner with their mother at your house on Fridays, and maybe one other night…that is, if you can handle that.”

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“Of course, Mike” Lily hesitated, “Will they come?”

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Mike scowled."Lily, they will come because they love their mother. They need their mother. And she is sick. So yes, they will come. I’ll make sure they’ll come."

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Lily said nothing.

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Mike continued, “You have to understand the kids are pretty upset. If they’re not nice to you, cut them some slack. And do whatever you can to spare Alex from feeling in the middle. I’m not able to do that, but surely you ought to be able to. As for myself, I don’t want her agonizing about her decision The more comfortable she is, the stronger she’ll be to fight the cancer. And that’s paramount important. So I want you to know, not right now, but sometime, I will try to be in the same room with you. For the sake of my family. Just don’t stick my face in it, Lily”

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Mike saw the broken look on Lily’s face. “Listen, I know you aren’t out celebrating. But this has got to be easier for you than it is for me”.

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“Mike, I never intended for this to happen. I know you love each other. I will never interfere with that. I can’t explain or excuse myself. For the last six years I tried every minute to move on. I knew she was with such a good man, with her family. I wouldn’t have interfered Mike. I’m so sorry it’s come to this. I love her too, Mike.”
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Mike straightened his back and shoulders. He looked at Lily directly, firmly.

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“Listen Lily, she’s got to get herself to remission and stay there. Maybe someday we can all be the weirdo one-happy-family. Or maybe she’ll…” He stopped, paused just a second.

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“The kids will come around. I know they will. And I know you will help her with her needs. But I just want to be sure we understand one another: I want Alex to live. I’ll do what’s needed to help her with that. The rest of this mess: I’ll deal with it after”.
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He paused. “Who will stay with her when you’re at work?”

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"I’m taking the rest of the semester off. The next semester too if I have to. I’m working on a book I can write from home. And Alex said the woman—Carmen, is it?—will continue to come.”

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“Good” Mike said. “She wakes up sometimes pretty disoriented. You’ll need to keep an eye, ok?”

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“Mike, you are an incredible man”, Lily said.

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Mike looked down at his paper.

“Chemo and the Healing Circles?. Whose going to handle those? I could still do Thursday afternoons and Mondays.”

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Lily is crying.

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“Mike, should she move back home with you?. Tell me.”

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“No ” he snapped. “Just don’t leave her alone for now, OK?”

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“I won’t.”

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“Ok, call me if you need to, ok? See you around, ok?”

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With that, Mike looked straight at Lily, forcefully dropped his chin and nodded, threw a twenty dollar bill on the table, picked up his jacket, nodded again, and headed to the bar, where Danny’s dark brown eyes were guiding him to the only empty stool, his hands patting it, waiting for his friend to settle in and have a beer.