Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Classmates




I grew up in a working class city. It seemed that one or two of my classmates were rich, but most of us were lower to middle class. Recently an old classmate posted on Facebook that we shouldn't let our disagreements about Donald Trump affect our affinity for one another. This was posted while children were being removed from their parents at the southern border, and I disagreed. The response was disheartening. Here's the reply I didn't send: 

To My High School Classmates:

If there’s one thing that’s certain, the Trump presidency quickly drew a thick line separating people who support him and others, like me, who are aghast at his policies and beliefs. 

There, that’s out of the way: I oppose everything he stands for. But I wasn’t always this adamant. Even though he easily slipped racist and violent language into his rallies, I figured he’d moderate his views, if only because Presidents make some attempt to represent more than their base supporters.

For the last two weeks, I have been falling asleep each night with escalating concern about the 2000 children who have been removed from their parents. These are kids who fled dangerous countries and trekked across Mexico to apply for family asylum at the southern border of the United States. These are not the children of gang members or rapists or criminals. I don’t know of anyone who is disputing that, not even Donald Trump.

These are also children who will be forever traumatized by this separation. The facilities where they are being held has rules against holding and comforting them, so there are infants and 2 year olds and 4 year olds and 6 year olds, who don’t speak English, who are apart from their parents, and terrified. I don’t know of any childcare worker or mental health professional or parent who is disputing that either. 

Which brings me to my high school classmates:

I left my Waltham High School graduation in 1969 and like everyone else, built my life. I went to college, started a career, got married, bought a house, had a child, made new friends. But my Waltham roots are never far away. My father was a mason and my mother worked at the Waltham Supermarket and our Catholic Church took in immigrant families from war-torn countries and welcomed and sheltered them until they got on their feet. Even as a young kid, I remember feeling proud that my church did that. 

Fifty years later, through Facebook, I’ve reconnected with many of my classmates. How fun to see our families and grandchildren and vacations and talents. I had a disagreement early on in the Trump presidency with someone I very much like about the travel ban, and that was a hard surprise for me. I learned that not everyone saw the situation as I did and I still try to understand perspectives that are different than my own.

I’ve had grave concerns about the rhetoric and attacks on immigrants and Muslims and the free press and the Judiciary and our country’s agencies and allies. I’ve been scared about our withdrawal from the Paris Agreement on climate control and other international treaties. But I don't want to be strident and I don’t mind a fair-minded disagreement about these issues. I understand that people who voted for Donald Trump had have reasons they feel strongly about, and I understand they continue to support his approach to managing the country.

But recently, to witness some of my classmates—most of us Mothers and Grandmothers—support the immediate and mass removal of children from their families—to justify arresting and detaining their parents for a misdemeanor, for attempting to apply for asylum because they fled proven violence and fear in their own countries, and then to blame these parents for having their babies taken away: that has crossed a line that breaks my heart. And honestly, I find supporting Trump’s policy about this practice nothing short of disgusting. 

These 2000 children have not been returned. There is no plan to return them. Their parents haven't been given information about where they are, when or if they can be re-united.

How is it that women with the same roots as me could justify a systematic plan to discourage and punish immigrants by taking their children away from them? We can agree and disagree about how to secure the border, about how many refugees we can allow into our country, about the role of immigration control. But removing babies and children? Indefinitely? Possibly forever? 

I am heartbroken that any of the kids I grew up with, all of us with our immigrant grandparents, would ever argue that THIS policy is right. Justifying it leaves me wondering what’s happened in the last 50 years, since our childhoods and teenage days in Waltham. Why is it that the suffering of these children can’t be first acknowledged, and then protected. Donald Trump is dead wrong on this one—this policy is inhumane. None of us should tolerate it, including the kind and smart and decent people from my own childhood. If you don’t stand up against this, what would make you say enough is enough?

Sincerely.

kj

15 comments:

  1. I probably have nothing to say that I haven't already blogged about, so suffice it to say that I surely feel as strongly as you in that I can find so way to think well of people who support a man and a set of policies when every last thing he says or does falls under the heading of base, baser, or basest, or, if you would prefer, cruel, senseless, and divisive. To hear Trump supporters say that their support of for Trump need in no way hinder my respect and affection for them is like hearing a rapist say that there is no reason I should not continue to be his friend. Thank god that I am at least no longer a resident of the state of Mississippi where I would have to live surrounded by such people.

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    1. I reluctantly agree with you, snow. It’s near impossible for me to neutralize my reaction to people who support this man
      Love
      kj

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  2. I am in pain every day over the terrible treatment of the children and their parents. I have lost a dear friend because she supports Trump's policies and actions and I cannot imagine how she can think any of this is right. I have never felt as discouraged about the future of our country.

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    1. Whose comment is this? I agree completely
      Love
      kj

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  3. I wonder if this is how the German people felt as Hitler slowly tightened the noose?

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    1. I've wondered that too. I've also wondered how much support Hitler actually had and how much the lack of resistance was due to people being afraid to speak out. When Trump says that a free press is an enemy of the state, and expresses an interest in being made president for life, I ask myself how much more the people on the right need to hear before they recognize that this unstable man is a terrible danger. So far, at least, Trump, unlike Hitler, hasn't been showing a propensity for starting any new wars.

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    2. Deb, if we ever get to the point of concentration camps and murdering people, that would be unthinkable in the USA. Surely our congress and judiciary would intervene.

      I can’t believe I am writing this at all....
      Love
      kj

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  4. And then our PM was in the Oval Office. His name is Mark Rutte, he is a liberal and he is Always laughing. We call him Pinokkio because of his lies. But he did one thing very good: he sat next to Trump and he was not in the least under the impression. Hahahaha, you can see the fragment here:

    https://youtu.be/aC_MJDPlbdc

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    1. Wieneke, I like that he said ‘no.’ But I didn’t like that he said that with a smile.
      Love
      kj

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    2. Yeah, but I already said that he is ALWAYS LAUGHING whatever the message is. I hate it !!!

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  5. I thought his smile was appropriate in the face of such absurdity.

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  6. You know, I just defriend all those people. I can't stomach being "friends" with people who think current Republican policies are in any way acceptable.

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  7. cs, I really struggle with a couple of people I love. I can't fathom how they justify what's happening. I keep thinking if what's happened to these children and families isn't a crossed line, what would or could be? I'm not sure how to handle it all.
    love
    kj

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  8. I'm glad for this post and for the responses as well as your responses to the responses.

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  9. CS, I've thought much about your comment. I only know two Trump supporters, and I struggle with how bad things would have to get before I cut them from my life. What prevents me from doing so today is that I don't know what good it would do, but of course this takes me back to asking myself how much worse things would have to get. By way of comparison, I don't want a pedophile in my life, but is Trump supporters as bad as pedophiles? I think they might be. The two things are very different, of course, but the common thread is that I can't respect the integrity of either.

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