Monday, October 06, 2014

Streams of kj







I just feel like writing tonight. I'm leaving Provincetown tomorrow after being here since last Wednesday. Our house (a house in ptown: unbelievable) got hooked up to the sewer today. It was a massive job: a bulldozer digging deep into the gravel road, four men digging down into my yard,  I'd say 5 feet, laying plastic pipes like the toy tubes. By tomorrow the site of the old deck will be ready for the new (same) deck to be rebuilt there. It's been a week of required change and required spending.

I have been mostly alone. My friend Marilyn came by last Friday. Raul came by to fix the door. Hal Winard came by this morning for a deposit for the deck. The sewer guys have been great, but they are doing too much heavy labor to chit-chat. 

Do you ever wonder not just what you do or would do when you're alone, but is what you do or don't do worthwhile? Healthy? Legitimate? 

 I am writing up a storm: I've probably written 30 new pages and I've improved another 10 or 15. I've also planted luscious yellow mums in the outside flower and window boxes. And I bought a replacement blind for the upstairs bathroom. This, in a week.

That's about it. I wonder about keeping too much to myself. Which is really to say I worry about being too sedentary. I don't take walks. I don't because I'm lazy and because my right hip kills when I walk.  But also I didn't walk the one measly block to the ocean. I didn't see it, hear it, smell it, feel it. 

Instead I wrote. I have no idea if I am a good, average, bad or some other kind of writer. Honestly, I don't know. I know my vocabulary is limited, and that affects how I write. But I like this family I'm writing about. Many writers say they don't care if they are published or not. That is so not me. I want to write a blockbuster book. I would like that a lot.  :^)

That's all I want to say tonight. :^) I would  be happy to hear how you're seeing your life and days lately. 

(Never not care)
(Be Kind)

love
kj

20 comments:

  1. Kj...I wonder those same things...Get out and smell the ocean, see the moon hear the waves. What good is having a dream house if you don't make dreams out of it

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  2. chris, i know you're right. but in some way i've spent a week holed up writing a book that i am dying to write. so doesn't that seem like a wonderful thing to do?

    love
    kj

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  3. Sometimes holed up is just fine. When I get the odd week alone, it recharges my batteries and lets me be ....well, just doing things for me. I remember one week spending 12 hours per day drawing. In my bathrobe. For two days. It was glorious! Enjoy it, as you enjoy being with your loved ones.

    And keep writing!!

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    1. hi mim xo, you've made me laugh. i can just see you!

      I came here wanting to write a chunk of this book and I have. I'm up to 55,000 words, on my way to 90,000. i;ve also one and a half books to see how someone else handles lovemaking scenes and chapter sequences that span forty years. i'm a copy cat in that way. but i think the dissatisfaction i also have is my inactivity. i know it's not healthy to move as little as i've moved this week. no gym this week. and still extra weight. at least i'm real about it!
      love
      kj

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  4. When you are writing, and the juice is flowing fast and easy, you cannot stop and think what else needs done. I wish I still had those moments of lucidity, those moments of inspiration. Enjoy the ride, whatever it is, cause life will turn out something or other that will make you change course.

    )(Now I know why I keep missing your entries; we are on the opposite site of the globe, writing at odd times.

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    1. hi rosaria, i am enjoying your comments here. thank you. what you say is so true. my chapters are pouring out and i'm glad i have the time to catch and hold them. and yes, something or other will lead me elsewhere. these days i am aware of how quickly things change, and i am aware i fare best if i can keep myself steady. for me this means thinking more and feeling less, and that's a new one for me :^)

      so we both write at odd times. yup :^)\
      love
      kj

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  5. I know a writer, here in Edmonton, and he goes away for a week at a time, into the mountains, to write. I spent a week alone in England and thought I would write but did not. I like to blame my lack of writing on the big guy but it's not him, it's me. I would love to write a blockbuster as well but seem to lack the focus and energy to do the huge amount of work required to write an entire book. Sigh.

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    1. deb, i do all that too.

      i am accepting that i have no idea when or how this book will be finished. my first book was half the length this will be, maybe even a third, and this time i am concentrating more on describing places and scents and back stories. sooner or later i will finish this first draft and then i will take out my imaginary chisel and start refining, adding, deleting, editing. and then: cohesion, i'd guess. i hope i keep my motivation.

      you had an important visit in england.

      love
      kj

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  6. This post reminded me of a quote by Elizabeth Gilbert:

    "The other thing to realize is that all writers think they suck. When I was writing “Eat, Pray, Love”, I had just as a strong a mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head as anyone does when they write anything. But I had a clarion moment of truth during the process of that book. One day, when I was agonizing over how utterly bad my writing felt, I realized: “That’s actually not my problem.” The point I realized was this – I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write. So I put my head down and sweated through it, as per my vows."

    You love what you are writing and that's the gift. The rest will follow naturally. Creative blessings to you KJ. xoxo

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    1. thank you, amanda. i will hold on to this quote and i appreciate it immensely.

      i want to be proud as heck of the book i'm writing. one thing about me is i know i won't let it go until it meets my own standard. someday i'm going to (re) write about my first book reading, i sandwiched in between two erotic lesbian writers. i was stunned and it was hilarious.

      happy writing to you too,'
      love
      kj

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  7. I know nothing about the hazards of being a writer but I have reached a point in life where I don't question myself as much. If I spend days being a slug I just assume that is what my body needed. If I spend days out in the woods, I assume it is what my spirit needed. If I eat 3 jars of Nutella, well, ok, I feel guilty about that. But my point is that you obviously needed to spend that time writing and to get lost in it reflects your passion for it. And I, for one, still have the mother in your story in my head and can't wait to read more about her.

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    1. 8, hahaha for your 3 jars of nutella. anyone in her right mind knows you should take a short break after 2 :^)

      you know, your mentioning christine (the mother in the story) just touched my heart; that you've remembered. she's a gem. thanks, 8. truth be told, you're my special person discovery this year in the blogs.
      love
      kj

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    2. I am very happy to have discovered you too! I believe we live somewhat close to each other so perhaps someday we will share a cup of tea somewhere.


      (I could find no warning label on the Nutella about a 2 jar break)

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  8. PS- thank you for your comments on my blog. They meant more you know.

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  9. Very impressed that you wrote 30 new pages kj with all the plumbing construction going on around you ... shows your true dedication and staying power to keep at it through the distractions. Smiles to you - I can see I have some catching up to do and I just spied your murder of crows below ... off to read more*!*

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  10. hello annie! welcome back! when i'm alone i find i can write in long spurts. i'm trying to train myself to be be able to write in short spurts as well, so this last week i did both. the sewer installation was pretty interesting--these strong guys breaking up five plus inches of thick cement and digging digging. thank god that part is done!

    i'm so happy I'll be seeing your birds again!

    love
    kj

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  11. Sounds like heaven on earth! Keep writing up a storm. I bet you have to pinch yourself that you are living in your beloved Provincetown. So happy for you.

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  12. I hear ya and understand. Im not sure what Im doing these days though... gimme a week it will change :)

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  13. Kj, I am so behind... Why not walk to the beach and work there? To me that is the reason to live close to the ocean, you must visit it! Of course I am missing the sea so much I can't really relate. Glad you are getting some writing done though. xoxo

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