Wednesday, August 07, 2013

For Deborah xo


This is Reese. She is one month old. I am highlighting her for my friend Deborah, who has a little grand girl of her own and whose family has been unfairly targeted by fecking cancer. I hope she makes you smile, Deb. 

Reese is the fourth child of my beloved and only child, Jessica. From age seven, Jess grew up in a two Mom household and I would have bet all my riches she would never have four children. Reese has three brothers, Mr. Ryan 6, No Longer Baby Drew 4, and Logan almost 2. 

We expected a fourth boy. It has actually be a shock that Reese is a girl. Which is interesting.

How petty to admit it's partially about the clothes. Boys' clothes are really boring; I'd be surprised to hear much disagreement about that. Already I've bought Reese a fall knit dress even as I lay on the couch nursing my new knee. 

But it's more than just the clothes. I've worried about my daughter when I am too old to take care of her. I've looked at her boys and I've guessed it will be Drew who will care for her most and best when she is old and needs care. I look at the situation with my brother and myself and I thank god there is me to tend to our Mother. Forgive me because I know there are exceptions, but we girls get it better: we understand nurturing and care giving and we seem to accept what is needed and expected. 

So I am glad my Jess will have a daughter.

But not just that either. I expect I will do different things with Reese. Maybe not. I imagine simply by nature of being a girl that she may be calmer than the boys. Maybe more interested in spending time coloring and cooking and going through my jewelry box and not as much physical rough housing. I KNOW I may be wrong here; I really do. But still, it feels different. 

Reese's two youngest brothers kiss her every morning and evening, want to hold her, speak softly to her. Do they react differently because she is a girl? Will they wrestle with her in the same way? And will they tend to protect her in ways different from their bonds with one another? 




Don't get me wrong. I love these boys. Adore them. Every year JB and order their pajamas for the year. 
It is the most fun thing. Mr. Ryan via his Mother sent us a photo yesterday. He was excited to try on his new pajamas. 

Last year just about this time I bought Mr. Ryan a big boy camera for my birthday. It was quite an event: I took him to a camera store and a very nice man taught him some basic instruction. I told him this is something he and I will do together for years; gallivanting and taking pictures. At the time Jess politely said to me, "You can't be serious that you bought a real camera for a five year old?"

Well yes I did. Last weekend Jessica told me, "Wait until you see the photos Ryan took at the beach--pretty amazing." I am not surprised. This will be one of I hope several assets he will carry into life which will help him feel competent and curious. That's what assets do: they build up your self esteem.

I am so glad.

 
Love
kj

40 comments:

  1. Wait until Reese is about 8 she will by then be kicking boy ass. It is inevitable that she will just by being surrounded by boys be one of them until her first date. Think Jem in To KIll A Mockingbird.

    Yeah I know what you mean about assets and self esteem, you should see how i feel about shit with my assets being in the City of Detroit. hahahahahaha although seriously even a broke city should be able to collect my garbage before 11PM.

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    1. Mark I am so sorry sbout Detroit. It all sounds so dysfunctional. You would find western mass, even Springfield, very different

      Love
      kj

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  2. Oh oh oh! I am late getting ready for school, so I will return to read and drool over This Baby when I get home!!!!!!! Lovelovelove and Happy Birthday ♥♥♥ Deb

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  3. I have a fecking migraine.

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    1. What the feck?! Hope you feel better!

      Love
      kj

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  4. Oh, this is such a wonderful post kj.
    Your grandkids are just blessed to have you in their life, I think, as of course they bless your life.
    I love the photos of both Reese, and Ryan.
    Especially her asleep, in the yellow print dress.
    I think she may have some fiestiness in her, which will be a good thing. But still I need to agree that a girl does tend to like calm pursuits like dolls, colouring, and dressing up with grandma's jewelry.
    This was just very nice to read.
    Hoping you are continuing to feel better.
    Brenda

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    1. Thanks Brenda. Reese seems pretty calm. But her mother is feisty and I am feisty so feisty is likely :-)

      Love
      kj

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  5. Oh oh oh. DeLovely. It is not that we love girls more...it is simply that it is such a TREAT to experience both. Yes, yes, even the boys are different little individual beings, with their own personalities and preferences, but to have the opposite is simply the icing on the cake. The extra. The thing we didn't NEED, as the Prodigal Son did not NEED the ring...it's just L O V E overflowing. Reese will certainly add a new dimension to this family of boys. She will bring out their softness and protectiveness, and they will make her STRONG.

    Lovelovelove,
    and Love again,
    Deb

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    1. Deb, going to be fascinating to watch and be part of. Sometimes I wish I lived nearby. I struggle with that sometimes just so I would be a regular presence

      Love
      kj

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  6. P.S. Yes, my Mister sure IS cute! Every time I close my eyes, he's 28 again.

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  7. She's beautiful and she will have three big brothers to watch over her and keep her safe.

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    1. Deb, I wonder who will bond with her the most.

      Love
      kj

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  8. adorable kids. yes, it will be interesting to say the least to watch this sweet girl grow up among her brothers. keep an open mind about the dolls and jewelry etc. best is to be healthy and joyful. could you buy me a years worth of pajamas please? LOL

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    1. Suki, do you wear pajamas? :-)

      Love
      kj

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  9. Speaking as a girl in a family of 3 brothers I have to say it was not as you would expect, maybe because we were all six years a part and I was in the middle, but I got teased, a lot! And I was a pistol, I teased right back! I love having my brothers and now that my parents are dead, my older brother has stepped in as a parent figure. I would not have had it any other way.
    Reese is darling.
    Glad you are getting better.
    xoxo

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    1. Great insight, Annie. I wish my Jess had brothers and sisters . I am so grateful her in laws are so wonderful

      Love
      kj

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  10. she is way cute and will have those boys dancing on her in many ways in the years to come. Girls are definitely different than boys - my nieces and nephews are like different species of beings.

    I'm so glad you are on the mend, dinner soon

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  11. Waaay different, Mim. It 's kind of amazing

    Yes dinner soon. Yes!

    Love
    kj

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  12. I saw a movie in which one man wanted to show another man a picture of his baby. The other man didn't want to see it, saying that all cute babies look alike, so there was no point in looking at a picture of a cute baby, whereas he could see no reason why anyone should want to look at a picture of an ugly baby.

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    1. Snow, I wonder what an ugly baby looks like! I have never seen one in any species!

      :-) love
      kj

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  13. What a sweet baby girl and that little guy in his PJ's, so cute!
    We just looked at some old videos that that I had taken when our son was five years old. When I had the video camera, it was shaky and terrible...my FIVE year old asked for the camera and I gave it to him, THEN the video was steady and the rest of the video was perfect!! (With funny asides of him asking questions of the camcorder and the camcorder replying by movement of up and down!)

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    1. And still talented to this day, yes?

      Love
      kj

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  14. I adore the expression on her face. Like she knows some cosmic secret.

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    1. Maria, I thought that too. She doesn't look like she only has one mo tj's experience in that first photo

      Love
      kj

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  15. I love the fact that there is no script, that everthing is possible. And I love the fact that Reese is surrounded by love. Is there anything more important than that?

    I hope your knee is improving, and that you are TAKING IT EASY (shout). Big huge hug and sorry for shouting. xx Jos

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    1. Hello jos xo

      Yes I am taking it easy, reluctantly but I am :-)
      Slow walking so far .

      How are you? You looked so fine in that FB photo. I loved seeing you there

      Love
      kj

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    2. I am well thanks KJ, well rested after our hols. There's something so comforting about being surrounded by family. We all know the score, we all know that we're missing mum (who would usually be with us on our big famiy holiday). It was good. Back to work today though BOOOO!

      Glad you are taking it easy. Healing is not to be rushed. Big huge hug xx Jos

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  16. Pure ♥ LOVE for all of them! When I said before that I feel the boys would be very protective of her, you misunderstood me as if she would need protecting and wouldn't be able to protect herself. I think it will be natural for them to feel that way towards her. And there will be days when they can't stand her (talking from experience here.) But I know for sure the love between all 4 of them will be strong and true.

    I'm so happy for the family...and I understand about the cuter clothes ;)

    xoxo
    Lo♥

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    1. Lo, I don't think I misunderstood. My point is will the boys be more protective of their sister than they are protective of eachother?

      And if so, is that natural or learned?

      :-)
      Love
      kj

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  17. oh she's gorgeous kj! it's so fascinating the boy/girl differences and same ness. i think you are all going to have a super fun time experiencing it all! (i could maybe write some books on this subject, just my experience) i do remember that camera shopping trip, i loved that you did that. and the jammy's, SO cute.
    :)

    (get well knee) xoxo

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    1. Lori, I wish you would write these books! See my question to lo: what do you think the answer is?

      This year for my birthday I bought the boys school clothes from the boden catalog: two outfits each. I can't think of a better present for myself!

      Nice to hear from you, Lori xoxo
      Love
      kj

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  18. The surprises of Reese will undoubtedly continue :). I a huge fan of that adorable lemon colored flowers dress. I love her alert and knowing expression at only 1 month!

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    1. Any Amy, my daughter has three boys and never expected a girl. She is currently dress crazy. I keep hoping Reese's arms and legs are warm enough :-)

      One month old... I know. I took a picture if her hands at 3 days old and it could so easily be an adult hand

      Love
      kj

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  19. Hope you are continuing to do well. Good luck with the writing...a bit of a block on this end so more power to you...Re Reese I find it fascinating how quickly infants start to be such real , alert and vibrant little people... I don't know how to explain what I mean but I hope you get it...Z~

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    1. Zoe, I think I am doing well but gosh this is not a quick fix. I could easily be discouraged and sometimes I am. Patience! :-)

      I do get what you mean. It's incredible to watch her. Does she think? Are her movements voluntary? What does she see? Is that a real smile? Does she cherish her Mother's voice?

      Love
      kj

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    2. I don't know if you ever got to see any videos or pictures of the actual surgery. Its real carpentry that they do in there. It's a pretty violent surgery so it's amazing that you can walk at all...

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    3. of course that's not to infer that its not a freaking pain in the ass!

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    4. I couldn't bring myself to watch the video, Zoe. I can't quite wrap my arms around how major this has been and is. Truthfully, because the surgery was on my good knee and I still have a bad other knee and a Pilates hip injury, I'm afraid. I am looking at people just walking and I'm Afraid I won't be able to walk without limit. I like to walk. And I like to gallivant. It's only been 4 weeks and I'm hold it will take 6-8 months. I don't like that either

      So there: my current truth! I start outpatient therapy tomorrow and hopefully I'm motivated to work my ass off!!!

      Thanks for your encouragement xoxo
      Love
      kj

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  20. She is so pretty.. adorable!! and yes I completely understand about the clothes.
    I have a son.. yep boring clothes shopping... but I also have two great nieces who love pretty things.. fun shopping x

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