Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I'll Be Damned!

Much better than expected. 

Christmas has so much weight to it: the weight of expectations, real or imagined memories, family, traditions, losses, hope. I've always liked the season, but I know better than to give my hopes free reign. This year was a definite gamble.

This year I won. 

I somehow had enough time:


JB and I have spent Christmas Eve for 25 years with the same two friends. This year they brought the appetizers (oh my my: all kinds of fresh cheeses and quince jam and smoked mussels and of course crackers) and dessert. JB made feta shrimp and rice, guacamole, chili-cheese cornbread.


Our friends slept over. On Christmas morning two other friends joined us for brunch: date and nut bread, pumpkin bread, bagels, cappuccinos.  They brought a pineapple filled with berries. They also brought gifts: homemade cinnamon bread, chocolate chip gingerbread, and one winter squash from their summer garden.

I have good friends. That is something I no longer and never take for granted.


And I have a partner who is dear and kind and sweet. She also gave me presents, including almost all of her stash money, with a note saying it is for the casino later in the week. Slot machines: wait for me--I'm coming!


At noon on Christmas day JB had dinner with my Mother at her rest home. All the food served there is family style and home cooked. Our Christmas menu included baked stuffed shrimp, green beans in mushroom sauce, mashed squash, cheese potatoes. We had no room for the turkey, mashed potatoes or stuffing. All of this served with condiments and eggnog and never a charge of any kind.

My Mother's rest home is an incredible place. There are 30 residents in all and without fail dignity and patience and companionship for every one there.


Later that afternoon, my daughter Jess, Mike, and their three boys and dog Sadie arrived, more presents. They stay the night so we are not rushed. Sometimes it is chaos. But not this year. We played, talked, colored, watched  cartoons, ate meals, opened stockings and gifts from Santa, and watched our dog Chase, who has zero experience with children, run with the boys in the back yard; all of it and all of us so gleeful.





Dr Ryan cured all my complaints.

JB and I made our homemade raviolis and four dozen meatballs I made for my son-in-law. Jess and I made garlic bread. After the kids were in bed, we grownups opened our traditional stockings and gifts and it was all very wonderful.


We all played and relaxed.

this is drew and the alligator he has coveted


There is a lesson to be had in all of this. 

My take on that lesson is this: YOU NEVER KNOW. I have had grand plans some years that fell apart in minutes and then, sometimes, a string of days create a lovely peaceful and safe sanctuary. 

I tell my teenage clients that consequences have babies. They almost always understand what I mean by that: you don't just flunk a class but you get punished and maybe the teachers write you off and maybe you won't get promoted to the next grade. In my case I have spent quite a bit of time lamenting the unexplainable. 

This Christmas, not so much.

Good for me.

Here's to I'll Be Damned moments. The thing is, I think they sneak in when expectations don't get in their way.

love
kj

20 comments:

  1. What a special Christmas this sounds like. I love the idea of a gift of one squash. What better!

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    1. I loved the 'homemade' gifts the most, ruby jack . Little gifts....to me that's what it's all about.

      I hope your time was/is good too

      Love
      kj

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  2. Well, I LOVED every word of this. I am so glad that your Mom is in such a great place and that dignity is kept intact.

    I think the photo of the little, pajama-clad leg and foot got to me the most.

    So happy to have you and J in our lives.

    Love,

    Sharon

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    1. Hi honey! I thought of you and hoped your days were a lot like mine.

      I write this from bed: flu like sick! Darn it! I am so glad it held off until the house was quiet again :-)

      Equally happy to have you and J in our lives too. Maybe see you this summer!!

      Love
      kj

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  3. i'm so so glad it was wonderful. all the pics are beautiful, as you all are. we too had no crises - what a blessing!
    so happy merry to you and many many more, xoxo

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    1. So glad to hear no crises on your end, Mim. I think for many if us an easy holiday was almost a surprise

      Hope to see you soon, I do :-)

      Love
      kj

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  4. Beautiful. Those "I'll be damned" moments of "well, that went a LOT better than expected!" are the most perfect gifts we get in life. Wonderful memories with very little expectations attached, that we're able to just gratefully receive, with no agenda, no leftover hope for anything more, and just hold them in our hearts.

    I'm so glad you had a wonderful Christmas KJ :)

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    1. Tracy, that is do true! How great when time and plans and people just synch!

      I'll be you had a blessed time too this year :-)

      Love
      kj

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  5. Kj I am soo glad you had a good time this Christmas :-)
    A huge holiday hug from me to you...

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    1. And the same to you, Chris. So glad to meet you in 2012 xoxo

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  6. sounds like a lovely christmas. say, would Dr Ryan like to make a home visit here? haha. blessings, suki

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    1. Doctor Ryan loved his doctor's kit, suki. It touched my heart . But he is too young to travel to nh just yet so keep yourself well!

      Love
      kj

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  7. Yeah it is a good thing when everything is just a'humming along.

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    1. Amen mark amen, a humming time followed instantaneously by the fucking miserable flu: the ironies of life!! xoxo

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  8. That last sentence is to true. Sounds like a lovely christmas.

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    1. Deb, I wish I remembered more often, or at least faster!

      I hope your days are good ones xoxo

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  9. Kj, I totally agree, expectations get in the way. Over the years I have learned to drop them along with plans and control.
    I spent Christmas with good friends and my furbabies, it was a lovely, peaceful time. Glad you had a good one after all :-). xoxo

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    1. I'm so glad to hear you had a good holiday, Annie . You are wise. It's best when we go with the flow, ride the horse in the direction she's going xoxo

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  10. I'm glad it's over. But not because I won or lost, which isn't even how I think of Christmas.

    I'm glad you had a good one.

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    1. I'm abit sad it's over. :-) I consider it a win when I can say it was good, comfortable , comforting.

      Now don't go thinking I'm into dualistic thinking :-)

      Love
      kj

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