Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Maybe

Oh thank you universe: this is my final result card in a recent tarot reading (given by yours truly to yours truly):


Meaning: The Ace of Cups reminds us that the law of the universe is Love. This magical affinity holds atoms together and draws souls into harmonious relation. This card’s appearance heralds a time of great connectedness, both with others and with our own inner selves. The door to your heart is opening, and only good things will come of it. Like a bee spreading pollen as it travels, this journey will fertilize every facet of your life and of those around you, spreading joy, pleasure, and fulfillment. This is an especially creative time, ideal for the conception of a great work. The ultimate in benevolence, this card foretells a favorable outcome in every matter. Drink from the fountain and be inspired by the beauty and harmony of the Ace of Cups.

I've been wondering what will change if I let myself live as though this is true. Because I'm close. For reasons unknown to me, I am feeling better, more hopeful, more like the person I want to be. Lest you think I am Ms. Mary Poppins, I say this having emerged from a dark sad place.

And then there's this:



 I tell myself to keep trying and venturing even when my knees knock. Which they often do. My biggest fear is being embarrassed by failure. I wonder what will happen if I let go of that fear?

And this: because I think curiosity is the most impressive trait a person can have. Right after kindness.



Myself, I have two, no, make it three, favorite expressions:

1. Trust in god but tie up your camel
2. Ride the horse in the direction she's going
and...
3. Never cut what can be untied.

I might be ready to start living as if I already know what I need to know.

Which might be true....

Care to join me?

Love
kj

36 comments:

  1. Either I already know what I need to know, or I can pick up the details fairly quickly. My biggest challenge is figuring out which of several interests is most worth pursuing.

    Count me in, kj.

    Blessings and Bear hugs.

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    1. Rob, how about you pick ONE and don't second guess for 30 or 60 days? I've found the absence of ambivalence makes things simpler

      I'm glad you're in ♥

      Love
      kj

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  2. Im mounting my horse even though i have no idea how to ride.

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    1. :) I like this one Suki!

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    2. Hold on tight, suki. We'll start on level ground :-)

      Love
      kj

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  3. ha, keeping my camel tied, but betting on love...smiles..

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    1. A wise good bet, Brian; even when you lose, it's a wise good bet

      Love
      kj

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  4. What a timely post, KJ!

    Just yesterday I had a moment of absolute knowing what it would feel like to live without fear; moving forward without hesitation; going through life without having to protect my self; loving without worry. It didn't last long, but WOW did it feel good!! That's how I want to live! YES!!

    Love, Silke

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    1. Silke, yes indeed.you've said it all

      Xoxoxo
      kj

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  5. i have a favorite saying too...drive aimlessly and you'll eventually find your destination. So you cupeth overfloweth but you're not sureth you bevleiveth? Kiddo that is backwards believe it's overflowing before the juice hits the rim and that stuff will come pouringout beyond measure.

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    1. Manifest destiny....

      Thank you, mark

      Love
      kj

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  6. "... I tell myself to keep trying and venturing even when my knees knock. Which they often do. My biggest fear is being embarrassed by failure. I wonder what will happen if I let go of that fear?

    And this: because I think curiosity is the most impressive trait a person can have. Right after kindness ..."

    Yes!!! Right after kindness. I think kindness is super important. It comes from a good place in our hearts and expands to fill all sorts of other places that need the light of kindness shining there.

    Well ... sign me up KJ!!! Much love xx Jos

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    1. Hahaha jos, you got signed up already!!!

      Love
      kj

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  7. That's funny - on my extensive list of worries, being embarrassed by failure doesn't even appear! But I've got plenty others to make up for that missing fear.

    My own peculiar revisions of your sayings:
    1. Trust in the goodness of others but tie up your camel. (since I'm a godless sort)
    2. Ride the horse in the direction she's going... unless she's headed toward a ravine. Then use a little sense and turn her around.
    3. Never cut what can be untied unless cutting is the only sane response.

    So, yeah. Balance. Like Ani Difranco, "I'm a Libra, so I say balance, balance, balance. Can I ride along anyway? ♥

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    1. Can you ride along anyway? Hell yes, cs!!
      I would be sad if you weren't there. And maybe not as smart :-)

      Love love
      kj

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  8. I love Secret Agent's revision of the first one, I am of the godless sort also.

    Well And when I read Einsteins quote I realized I just love people who are passionate about something , (well it has to be a good thing of course).
    Passionate people always have something to talk about and have a sparkle in their eyes.
    Happy you draw that card dear. I know this feeling of being close but then sometimes I just lose it again and have to start all over again.
    Hope you can hold on to that feeling andlet go of the fear, that will only work contra-productive.
    ♥M

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    1. I lose it too, Marianne. Sometimes it seems what I worry about is so ridiculous . But I'm glad I recognize passion when I find it. You do too

      Love love
      kj

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  9. Interesting that you posted this ... I took a test yesterda on a site called Authentic Happiness: Using Positive Psychology (great TED talk by the man who runs it, Martin Seligman) that measured my strengths. The first one? Love. Which, of course, is a double-edged sword, eh? I wrestle with my own sad dark place -- sometimes more poignantly, others with barely a thought -- and last night was a very difficult one. But love and getting broken to pieces leads to a strength we never could have known otherwise. I'm with you! :) (new post up on my blog -- yay!)

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    1. Melissa, I know dr seligman--studied his work a lot in my own work on happiness

      Ah love. It rends and rights. We would be colorless without it. How can anything be so simple and so confusing?!

      Love seeing you here, Melissa

      Love
      kj

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  10. "I might be ready to start living as if I already know what I need to know.....
    Care to join me?"

    NO!!! (but send me a postcard, please, and if your report comes back favorable, I'll try to scrape together enough money for a ticket to join you)

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    1. Start saving your pennies, snow . I'll hold your one way ticket :/) we might as well think we are as smart as we like to think we are :-)

      Love
      kj

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  11. Well you can count me in...of course I'm already on the way same as you are...of course we'll have times of dark sadness...we are human...as long as those times are getting shorter and we have a knowing that 'this too will pass'...because it does always pass....life is constant change...ups and downs... I saw the movie Castaway for the first time this weekend and towards the end some good advice...'just keep breathing, keep breathing and tomorrow the sun will rise'...how I wish I lived closer dear KJ so we could have chats face to face when times are hard...it makes such a difference to share to likeminded people...I thank you for this post...it reminds me of the interconnectedness of us all...how we're really all the same...all one...bless you sweet girl...

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    1. I loved castaway, Chrisy.

      I wish we lived closer too :-(. We are indeed interconnected so it's hard for me to grasp that a very wide ocean prevents morning coffee together.

      I'm glad to know you, Chrisy

      Love
      kj

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  12. I'm in need of a reading.

    My dreams don't scare me. They lift me up and give me hope. It's my nightmares that scare the bejeezus out of me!

    And I'm not embarrassed by failure. I'm encouraged to do better next time because everyone fails at one time or another. I guess I would use the word "discouraged" rather than embarrassed when it comes to failure and other things like it. If I truly tried, then why be embarrassed?

    And I love Einstein's quote! Passion and curiosity can keep our fires stoked for quite some time, and give us a reason to get up in the morning to boot.

    xoxo
    Love,
    Lo♥

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    1. I will read for you.... :-)

      You sound philosophical in this comment. Sometimes easier said than done, as we both know. You just show up, lo, and that is so brave and impressive

      I loves you

      Xoxo
      kj

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  13. I've read this a few times, and love it. also keep thinking to myself "KJ is the most curious person and fearless person that I know". You are you know, you are!

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    1. Awww Mim. You are the dearest most wonderful friend. I am lucky. Thank you.

      Love
      kj

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  14. Well, I could try but fear, worry and dread have been such a huge part of my life. Hard to shake off habits of a lifetime.
    But I'll give it a whirl!

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    1. I understand totally, Kay. And yet when I visit your blog I am always warmed by the little things you remember to cherish xoxo

      Love
      kj

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  15. My dreams scare the shit out of me Kj...I'm scared...because... WHAT IF I CAN....Breathe Cat ...Breathe...holy cow,I'm starting to hyperventilate as I type...
    I'm in friend..I'm in.
    xoxo

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  16. Isn't that the worse , cat: success?!!!! How silly we are sometimes . I'm glad you're in. Let's keep acting as if we know :-)

    Love
    kj

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  17. Come on Skype and read me my cards, seriously?

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    1. Hells, I will read your cards

      Xoxo

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  18. i'm joining you darlin' big time. that tarot card rocks - use that energy and ride it all the way past your fears, because there is something far worse than the embarrassment of failure - sadness at never having given it your all.

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    1. Amanda, yes yes YES!

      I'm super glad you're along for the ride. I had no doubt about that

      Love
      kj

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