Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bittersweet


The little guy in my header turned three this month. Almost simultaneously, he stopped wearing diapers and moved from his crib into a big boy bed.

He can charm the socks off an eskimo. And he'll sit in time out until the cows come dancing home before he'll offer up an apology he doesn't think is warranted.

I used to call him Baby Drew and then Not-so-baby Drew and now he is Drew. This weekend he arrived with his baby brother and his Mother to visit his great grandmother, who he calls Gumma.

This was not an easy visit because his Gumma, his mother's beloved grandmother, and my beloved Mother, is not doing well. It was important especially that my daughter Jessica be able to spend some time with her grandmother, who she dearly loves.

Jessica prepped Drew in advance: he was not allowed to run, to yell, or to jump. He was to give Gamma a gentle hug and say "I love you Gamma.'

Unlike when he is his wild comfortable self, Drew is shy in new situations. I thought he might be overwhelmed once we we stepped in the rest home and many elderly people would be excited to see a three year old child. So I told him he should just wave each time someone wanted to see him. That's what he did: he raised his little hand, folded over his fingers, smiled, and waved.

Our visit was bitter sweet. My mom is not herself. She is too tired to be vibrant. But even so, it was oh so precious. I love seeing my Mother and my daughter together. Their love for one another is visible.

Drew was an angel. He hugged, he kissed, he learned how to put ice in a cup using ice tongs, he played with the rest home bird, Chippy. And with great affection and enthusiasm he flung my Mother's large yellow stuffed duck directly at her head, intercepted by Jessica one second before impact.

And when we left, he remembered to wave. He waved at each person we passed in the kitchen and in the corridor and in the lobby. When we got outside there were three elderly women sitting on the porch and he waved at them too.

And then, as we started down the steps, he ran back to one of them, steadied himself, and proudly told her:

I'M WEARING UNDERPANTS!

50 comments:

  1. It's funny how you can both celebrate and mourn each growing up step.

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  2. each growing step and each parting step....

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  3. How come only three year olds can get away with that? I'm glad you daughter and grandson made it for a visit. Sending hugs.

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    1. Thanks Lilith. You might be able to get away with that too. Why don't you try?

      :-)

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  4. oh kj, your title is perfect. sending hugs and love.

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    1. And hugs and love to you too, my beloved friend

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  5. Ah, the joys of watching youngsters grow up. Though this time, you're not entirely responsible for them.

    Blessings and Bear hugs to Drew. (Little Bear hugs; very little.)

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  6. Congratulations in your new gig, bear.

    You are so right: watching children grow is a treasure. Especially when the watcher is a grandparent :-)

    Xoxo

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  7. Beautiful post KJ. sigh......
    The circle of life so visible here.
    hugs
    ♥M

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    1. Ah yes Marianne. I so deeply feel exactly that

      xoxo

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  8. KJ, my daughter pooped on the toilet for the first time the other day...one of the biggest days of my life...these things are precious, even the hard ones:-)!

    Wander

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    1. Chris, write about her!

      Xoxo

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    2. Oh, I will...Also my son as well. He is so much like me and at times I sere my father coming through:-)

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    3. The circle game......

      Xoxo

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  9. Marvelous story. I saw it all happen. Many years later Drew will read this story, remember the visit and smile.

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    1. Wieneke,that thought warms my heart. That is one if the treasures if our blogs eh? They are a way to share remembering

      Love to you, my friend xoxo

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  10. Ah, kj. Well, this tugged at my heartstrings plenty. Drew took me back a few years and reminded me (again) how remarkable children are. His heart is so pure, isn't it? Thinking of you, my friend, and sending love and hugs. xoxo!!

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    1. Thank you , Pam. You so aptly live in that world. You make it look easy!

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  11. Fifteen years from now he'll lose the underpants...seriously you can see it in his face right now. My kind of kid. CommandoMan!

    Good flash insight into your world kj, stay the course, we are old enough now to know how to navigate the seas of emotion, regardless of the wave height.

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    1. Mark, what an incredible comment. You might be saving me years of therapy!

      You make me roll on the floor laughing. Drew IS CommandoMan!!!

      I treasure you ♥

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  12. After reading your tender, beautifully written words, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. So I'm doing a little bit of both. In your wisdom, you know what is important in life, and what to treasure above all else. Hugs to you, your dear mom, and your precious not-so-little Drew.
    xoxoxo

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    1. Angela, thank you, I do know what's important . You do too

      A tough time and many feelings about my mom, but everything is wrapped in love...

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  13. I can't say it any better than Angela, Sending giant hugs.
    Saying prayers. xoxo

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    1. Thank you, Annie. I know you understand
      Xoxo

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  14. Kids can be so healing. What a sweet recap of a heavy and tender meeting. There is a little girl in my apartment complex. She lives next door and she is healing for me. She calls me "the lady" and always points out to her momma my comings and goings. She tells me the color of her shoes and what she had for lunch. She cares nothign for my separation or the state of my finances. My friend Marcela came over yesterday and Lilly said, "Hello. I see you here." Marcela said she was visiting Annie. Lilly said, "I like her." It's nice to be liked. Age be damned. I have a friend.

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    1. Annie, I love this story!! Let it flow Annie; you are so worth it. Even Lilly knows

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  15. Beautifully written, KJ. Your words described the day perfectly....I saw it all...and felt it all too.

    CS and Marianne said it beautifully...

    We are all riding "The Carousel of Time"...you will be the link between your Mum and the Boys.....forever.

    Love and Strength Always,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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    1. Robin, I'm so glad Jess' boys know they have a great gumma. Her spirit will be a part of them, whether they remember or not

      Thank you xoxo

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  16. lovely story and I love the pride of underpants.

    I've been thinking of you and wondering how mom was doing...worrying really. Much love and prayers your way dear friend.

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    1. Been thinking of you too Mim.

      Dear friend indeed

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  17. That post, KJ, just summarized life, the growing and the leaving, the welcoming and the departing, and celebrating everything, even wearing underpants! I love it!! And I'm thinking of you and your mom as she is getting ready to make her transition!! Love, Silke

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    1. Silke, you have said this do perfectly. Thank you very much xoxo

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  18. My dear kj, you have made that invisible ribbon that holds the world together in uncertain, painful but also joyful times so clear, so real that it is impossible to read this without understanding the power of love. Drew has it because your Mother gave that you and in turn you gave that to Jessie and Jessie gave that to each one of the boys. "Will the circle be unbroken..."

    Thinking of you with much love in friendship, as with every gift from Renee, our friendship will always be a treasure to me.

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    1. Allegra, you honor me with this comment. Thank you so much. And yet I know you are correct that the love is circular, that it is passed on by word and deed and inner sanctity

      I am so blessed to have the wisdom you so freely offer me over and over again

      Love karen

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  19. My heart sings reading those words:
    "I'm wearing underpants".
    Milestones, one by one,,,and accomplished so fast. I could see his little face beaming with pride.
    All this, and a big boy bed too!

    I'm happy Jessie had this time with your Mom,
    and I'm glad you got to witness their love.
    Special. And priceless.

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    1. I hear you singing, babs :-)

      We sing the same song

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  20. I think he just charmed his way into my heart just like his big brother ;)

    Sweet post. Bittersweet, indeed.

    xoxo
    lo♥

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    1. Hello pickle lily, he's a character too!

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  21. So sorry to hear about your mum kj and what a little prince to behave so well. So many chidren are raised without discepline or manners. Sounds like Jess is doing a marvellous job with her children.

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    1. Thanks hells, yes, Jess is a wonderful mother. And drew is a spunk

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  22. there are few things more precious or more honest than what comes out of a child's mouth. i've no doubt that this little guy will be baby drew to you forever, kj.

    i'm so sorry to hear your mom is not doing well. visits such as these from her daughter, granddaughter and great grand children will always have a healing effect, and that will hopefully bring you a sense of peace.

    sending love to you kj, and many thanks for your kind comments over at my place.

    xoxo
    amanda

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    1. Dear Amanda, it is so nice to hear from you. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. For all the joy we share in the blogs we also share loss. I hope your family is comforted by the memories of your father

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  23. This has to be one of the sweetest stories ever!! Oh my goodness you have made my morning and my mornings start pretty early he he he he he! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and taking time to leave such kind words. Best to you and I will be back.
    Best to you.

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    1. Hello Vanessa! How nice to see you here!

      Honestly I am blown away by your illustrations. I will certainly be back too

      Love
      kj

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  24. Despite my absence you and your mom have been very much in my thoughts and prayers KJ.

    My mother tells me a story of when in the checkout queue in a supermarket when I was just a little older than Drew the guy in front asked me if I could tie my own shoe laces yet ... quick as a flash I said "no but I can turn on the bathroom light all by myself"!

    A thread of love weaves through this whole post. I hope your mom is doing OK. Allegra talked recently of knowing that the Universe is unfolding as it should and finding some sense of peace in that knowledge. I think sometimes all we can do is just BE.

    Much love to you. xx Jos

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  25. Jos, that story is darling.

    This has been a tough week: my Mother is not bouncing back and I'm wading through this damn pneumonia. Allegra 's words give such comfort and context. Aren't we lucky to have her friendship?

    And each other's. Look! There I am!

    Love
    kj

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  26. When he told the woman about his underpants, did she respond favorably? I'm wondering because what works for one guy when it comes to impressing women, usually works for another guy, and I'm eager to try it.

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  27. Snow, no no and no.

    You're barking up the wrong fantasy tree!

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  28. What a wonderful story, kj, and what an awesome grandson you have. We are both so lucky to have such marvelous grandchildren...I think about that every day.

    I know the residents enjoyed this little boy. Some of the elderly I visited would get dressed to the nines when children from the elementary school dropped by...it was their connection to youth and they loved it.

    Loved Snow's comment...and your answer, hahahaha!!! xx

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    1. Ah Marion, your comment appears and I
      Jump for joy!

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