Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Animal Wednesday: Emily Rabbit in New York and a Letter from Uncle Bunny

Dear Emily.


This is your uncle Bunny. I am writing from Hollywood where I am still working with Steven Tyler while he is doing American Idol. I am helping him match his clothes and stay out of trouble, neither of which are easy, especially since he likes to put stripes and even plaids together, not to mention that he wears long earrings that too often get caught in his floppy hats. You might remember that I met him when he and I were both in rehab, him for drugs and me for my addiction to radishes. And speaking of addictions, we have to talk about you and your jellybeans. I think it is out of control.


But first let me tell you your Aunt Fluffy was 100% right about Jennifer Lopez: she is not smart at all and she is mean to all the stage people and i have sadly discovered especially to rabbits. Steven needed some dark purple nail polish and I made the mistake of borrowing some from Jennifer’s dressing room and she made a federal case of it. Steven told me it is now okay if I swear at her under my breath if she bothers me again and so far I have said eight different swears on four occasions in three different languages. It was easier to work with Janis Joplin, that’s for sure, because she just told people to ____off. Steven is too nice so he just rolls his eyes ad he swears under his breath too.


Emily, I have recently learned that you are currently working in New York City. I won’t tell you who told me but i know you are the one lone rabbit on the Carousel in Bryant Park and I am not comforted by the fact that there is one lone cat also besides you, among all those horses with the giant teeth.


For one thing, you are too young to being working and for another I don’t think you have the maturity or the temperament to work with the public. I order you not to bite anyone no matter what. This is especially true for anyone under six years old. You made the foolish decision to let children ride on your back in a public park--and for what, more jellybeans?, not to mention that you should not have spent that bail money on gummies no matter how good a deal they were--and now you must deal with little sticky fingers and maybe even being pinched.


I am also ordering you to keep your paws to yourself and do not borrow or take anything that isn't yours from the children or their parents. This includes wallets, watches and lunch bags.


The New York Police Department will not be lenient with you, Emily. There do not have much experience with rabbits and they especially don’t like crimes against children. Your mother and I have enough worries trying to get your father released from the National Institute of Health. He is still there involuntarily although he has been promoted to unit manager, which means he has a larger cage, more carrots and an extra hour of free sniff time every day.


Now, about your obsession with jellybeans. If you could just sneak into someone’s garden, get yourself a good supply, and hop off, that would be one thing but you have to have money for jellybeans and that is where the trouble starts. I learned in rehab that money is the radish root of all evil but I think jellies and gummies are worse.


I am proud of your enterprising spirit in starting the Green and Mean Avocado Company but have you thought about the damage frozen avocados can make if they accidentally hit a nice person instead of a mean one? I think you should stick with frozen peas and frozen grapes. I would also like you to consider a brief stay at the Jellybean Canyon Treatment Center here in LA. I will make the arrangements and I promise you a new bikini and rubber flappers that you can use at cape cod when you get out.


How did you get to New York anyway? Why aren't you in school? Your Mother contacted Mr. O'Hare and he told her you are attending school everyday wearing a head scarf and burqua; he said you told him you are doing that in honor of international women’s rights, which everyone knows doesn't even sound like you. You probably think you are pretty clever having some bunny show up disguised as you in school, But didn't work my way up to be Janis Joplin’s road manager without knowing when someone is trying to pull my rabbit’s leg, so the jig’s up, Emily.


Please call me collect when you get this letter and we will make arrangements from there. Meanwhile, do not bite any one for any reason, not even their toss.


With love

Uncle Bunny

24 comments:

  1. :) Ahhh the joy of fictional problems, fictional addictions! Uncle Bunny has his hands full as Steven Tylers sylist, that's for sure! Even so, he has time to care and mentor Emily.

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    1. Fictional? Does that mean made up? No, no ms Winey word, I am in trouble and it's not my fault!! Help!

      Yours truly
      Emily r.

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  2. I wish I had a nice Uncle Bunny to help me along, LOL.

    Thanks for the tip about Colrain.

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    Replies
    1. But suki, do you think I'm in trouble, and jellybean rehab? That can't be good.

      Help!

      Sincerely
      Emily

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  3. This was fricken fun!

    Ok this is for Kj, I hope she has access to this...

    Thank you for your explanation, works for adults better than an eight year old:-) that was a long time ago....

    Wander And have fun keeping your furry friend hopping, hopefully she doesn't have to go the rout of a leporid friend (cage mate) of mine...

    Is Away

    On a key chain
    Dangling there
    Maybe a conversation piece
    Dyed a garish shade of blue
    You may have a paw
    But the rest of me
    Is away

    Chris Mcqueeney 9/9/11 11:09 PM

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    1. Mr wander-ing,a key chain??! And blue fur??! See, this is why my frozen avocado business is going to be such a hit.

      By the way, I never count to ten and why should I? I are very right. And isn't kj a know-it-all? She needs to throw herself on the floor and boo hoo more.

      Respectfully yours
      Emily v.v. Rabbit

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    2. I meant YOU are very right.

      E.R.

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    3. little miss rabbit, hold your tongue...KJ is a good Woman, and your benefactor...show some respect. AND ABSOLUTELY NO BITING!

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    4. BOOHOOBOOHOOBOOHOOBOOHOO !

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    5. Emily Tell Kj thank you for the very nice things she said on my page...also tell her that I am having a showcase/interview...first of my life...on another blog on the 4th!! so cool

      Wander

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    6. mr wander, i told kj and she said she won't miss your showcase. why don't you tell me where it will be and i'll charge her $ 3 for the information and we'll all benefit?

      yours truly
      e.r.

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    7. OK er

      It will be at http://nadjanotariani.blogspot.com/
      on the 4th I think if anything changes I'll let you know
      and you get the three up front...cash in hand is key...

      Wander

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  4. I don't get the last line.

    Their toss?? Huh??

    The Jellybean Canyon Treatment Center!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
    Maybe I should check in. ;P

    Emily, was that you with the pinkinsh-blue burka at bryant park on Wednesday March 22??? I knew it!

    I thought I heard somebunny calling "lololo" but I wasn't sure if maybe I was sleep deprived from meeting KJ, Marianne and JB the night before when we were drinking like FOOLS on the 20th floor rooftop bar on 5th avenue.

    FYI, you look AWESOME on the carousel!

    Own it girl! own it!

    xoxoxo
    lololo

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    1. lololo, uncle bunny made a mistake. i know he was telling me not to bite any TOES. see, even my uncle bunny makes mistakes. this just goes to prove it is not my fault i took the carousel job. so far it is fun, except i cannot be expected not to steal lunch boxes.

      that was me at bryant park. i couldn't say anything because kj was there and you know she would have made a hullabaloo scene.

      yours truly,
      e.r.

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  5. oh my GOODNESS - Emily in the Big Apple!!! it's amazing and wonderful, despite all JB addictions. You look WONDERFUL on the carousel, just GORGEOUS!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mim. I knew I could count on you. Would you mind calling my uncle bunny and telling him you have a jelly and gummy addiction too and so what?

      Affectionately
      Emily

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  6. This story is frightening, even for a Bear. I remember working one summer on a carousel. It wasn't hard work, but it was boring. I was so totally dizzy from going around in circles that I cold Bearly find a place to hibernate that year.

    About Jelly Beans. Your uncle is right; you have to buy them, and that takes money, and that means a job. Or, you can visit a friendly Bear, who can show you the back way into the jelly bean factory. Call me, collect if you want, at 555-2327. (That's 555-BEAR.) Why work in the city when you can have fun and jelly beans in the country (grassland or woods).

    Fond regards,

    Rob-bear

    P.S.: If you come here, I promise not to eat you. I like jelly beans too, and have several year's supply on hand. Among with my hunny, Bearies, and nuts.

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    Replies
    1. I'm coming! I need directions!

      Ps you have to promise again not to eat me

      Sincerely
      E.R.

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  7. I know I left a comment here earlier.
    Emily,,,what did you do with it?

    I don't remember what exactly I said now, other than:
    You look sooooooooo fine on that carousel.

    But don't you worry about the kids? Sitting on your back?
    Some of those little piggies go wee wee wee,,, round, and round, and round.
    You knew that, right Emily?

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    Replies
    1. Heeheeheehee hee babs!

      I don't worry ecause if any little kid gives me a hard time I will wiggle until they fall off.

      But they expect me to show up by 10 am. Don't you agree that that is being pushy?

      I might quit.

      Yours truly
      Emily

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  8. I was so pleasantly surprised to see you in NY! I knew we would meet one day!!!!
    Nice uncle but don't listen to him too much , he is a grown up remember?!
    You are perfectly capable in planing your own adventure (ehum life that is)
    It was so much fun meeting you finally! But that merry go round is a bad idea...... you never know who jumps on you and you can't say no.......
    Can't you get work at le pain? There they leave you tips.
    See you next time dear
    hugs and HAW from your BF
    ♥M

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    1. Hello best friend! Will you call uncle bunny too?

      When I was in jail with those 3 women of the night, they talked about that very thing of someone jumping on them and they couldn't say no. They said they used inching powder secretly when needed. Maybe I should try that, especially with little kids who have sticky lollipops

      Thank you for not telling kj you saw me in new York, but how did my uncle bunny find out?

      Love from your best friend too
      Emily

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  9. hee heee heeee, i think you had more fun here than i did camping!
    oh emily! :)

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  10. Oh, Emily, listen to your Uncle Bunny. I think peas and grapes are the perfect things to throw!! xx

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