Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Mish Mash Wednesday

1, Where have I been? Not an easy week, I'm weighing how to handle something that has consequences no matter how I approach it. Too important to be anything but thoughtful and too concerning to back burner my feelings. I keep reminding myself that love is at the root of it all, no villains, no judgements. I trust the love. But in the meantime, my heart hurts.

2. Change of subject: I am writing this on my new MacPro laptop. I have been so excited about this purchase: I feel like I have stepped into a modern world that will welcome me. I've found I cannot write this second book without the confidence that I will not lose new material, not to mention my snipped together revising manuscript. It's the worse thing, losing new work. There is no way to recreate fresh words strung together into sentences, then paragraphs. So, I'm told I'm not as likely to accidentally delete anything on this Mac, I keep checking Dropbox to be sure its updating, and now I will also at the end of a writing session save a manuscript copy to a little external drive. AND, thanks to Pam, I will sometimes email a copy to myself.

The Mac is awesome. I have a high learning curve, but we will become good friends.

3. The photo above is Provincetown. It's no surprise I love the place. In the off season, meaning not in summer, there are less than 4,000 residents. That swells to 20,000 when the temperature rises, beginning Memorial Day. Summer is a funky wild beautiful beachy boating time, but I've recently spent a string of dark desolate very quiet winterdays and nights there, and what tiny charm and peacefulness. JB and I walk to a movie matinee and sit in a threatre with only 65 seats and usually less than ten patrons. Provincetown is famous for many things and people, but the top of the list is its light. The light bounces of the bay and the ocean in magical ways. I am always grateful to see the shimmering light of the bay just about anywhere I walk.

5. I'm intrigued by many of the comments on my last post. Turns out friendships born from the blogs are more often than not primary friendships. I knew that, of course, because some of my closest friends have been made from blogging,, but I'm surprised with the polite disagreement regarding my recommendation to keep your 'day' friends. I get it, but in a crisis, or in lonely social times, I can't imagine not having a friend nearby, close enough to knock on my door if really needed.

I've posted a little poll on my side bar about friends and blog friends. Please contribute your two cents if you don't mind. I think it's safe to say the world has changed, the way we find and make and hold on to friends has changed. I can't imagine not having my friend Marsha twenty minutes up the road, or my friends Lo and Liz and Heather close enough, but I also can't imagine not coming here to greet my equally precious friends. Here I share in ways I often don't and can't in daily life.

6. Finally, there might be a snowstorm tonight, the first snow since October. Too funny, just as I'm in search of my first crocuses. But I don't mind. I'll be writing today and if I end up writing tomorrow instead of working, that's okay with me.

I am now about to hit 'publish post' with no idea how my new shiny MacPro will space or spellcheck. I'm just happy to be typing on it. It's really cool.

Love
kj





45 comments:

  1. I guess you have already mastered your new Apple. Fabulous and I like your plans for Mss backups.

    I am sorry your heart is hurting. big hugs to you. my heart is hurting too actually due to various newses about friends.

    always love seeing and hearing about Provincetown.

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    1. I hope your friends are okay, suki. Xoxo

      You know, I keep thinking of you in ptown. I've thought how much you would love the winters there, for so many reasons

      No mastery of the mac, not even close. But I'm happy for it

      Xo

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  2. KJ, whatever it is that's hurting you,,,I want it to stop.
    Right now!
    I do know that that's not always reasonable,never mind possible.
    So I hope that you are able to bear up under it and become stronger because of it.
    You have such a good heart, and I'm sorry it hurts.

    Yeeehaaaw for you in your meeting the challenge of your new technology. I have a new camera,,and I am gnashing my teeth much of the time. The older I am the less I like change. Sometimes I'm forced into it,,,,and in the end it's good that I am.
    XOXO ♥♥♥

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    1. aw dearest babs. thank you. it's something you would understand right off. i don't so much give a damn about me bearing it, i want to make it better. i want to be heard....

      is it true we learn technology slower as we get older? the thing about computers and cameras for me is it is a language i do not know. but i know enough to get in trouble xoxo

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  3. Glad you got the MacPro and are enjoying it. I've had nothing but Macs. And they work so well.

    As for the mish mash of stuff, you even skipped from point three to point five in your post, to keep us on our toes. Well done. Except the sharp-eyed Bear caught you in the act. Which is funny in itself; Bears have great noses but (generally) terrible eyesight.

    Speaking of eyesight, have you seen emily rabbit recently?

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    1. bear, emily is throwing avocado pits because i would not let her post today instead of me. i told her i had to be in the mood, not to mention that she certainly owes me bail money spent on gummybears.

      i think the mac is going to solve alot of what i don't know. if it's anything like my iphone, it's so easy logical. btw, thank you for confirming that i skippped a number on purpose (wink wink). you rock, mr. rob-bear

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  4. My next laptop will definitely be a macbook pro - bought my son one and he loves it.

    I hope whatever you are struggling with comes to some sort of peace for you.

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    1. you'll love it, cs. i think it's as good as the iphone.

      thanks for your wishes. the more something or someone matters, and feelings could linger, the harder it is to know what's best. i am praying for clarity xoxo

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  5. Good to hear that you and Mac are getting along fine! What a fab photo of PTown - did you take it? It looks like a painting!x

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    1. no caroline, i didn't take that shot but i agree it's grand. it's a happy sky, yes? ♥

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  6. Congratulations on joining the Mac world. Word to the wise...while it's not words...it is equally important to me, and I have twice somehow deleted full "events" worth of photographs without knowing I did, or knowing how I did. Purchased software later, I was able to retrieve most of them from wherever they hid themselves.

    On the first note, be brave and do hard things. Love has never been something I trusted in and may never be, but I sure love that you do. ((Hugs)) KJ, from one hurting heart to the next.

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    1. dear aannie, alas i know poof! is possible at any press of the keys. it is so nerve racking. i worked on the book today for almost 7 hours and soon i will send the document to myself in an email. harder to do that with photos, i'm sure.

      thank you, annie ♥ do you know jos and i are walking a hopeful warrier path together? i just made that name up, jos doesn't know i called it that :^)
      you can join us. we've made promises....
      xoxo

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  7. i hope this learning curve doesn't stress too much kj, it seems these days, there is always one, wheather it's computers, cell phones, cameras, technology in general. sometimes i feel so dumb when i have to ask what feels like an obvious question. it's awesome you have a new mac and i'm sure it will be like an old friend soon!
    province town sounds like a magical place, i know i would like it in the off season best.
    xx lori

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    1. you are so right, lori. so much technology requiring language skills well beyond me!

      i think of you often when i'm in provincetown. i see things i know you would see too

      xoxo

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  8. kj kj kj.. ur blog is my personal "feel good" place.. i come here to feel happy and .. positive :-) just wanted to say that..

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    1. oh jeez, what a sweet sweet comment, hdwk. thank you so much.

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  9. A mac convert! We love that.

    Took me awhile on my mac and sometimes I don't know where things go but they're always somewhere.

    pretty snow eh?

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    1. well, that's comforting to know, mim!

      xoxoxoxoxo

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  10. So you have gone over to the dark side..mac..pshaw! I never lose anything, but then I have everything backed up on memory sticks, separate external hard drive, my lap top, and my PC. By the by I have replied to your reply below.

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    1. mark, your comment on my previous post was precious to me. i will always remember it.

      i held out with pc's for a long long time. i had an ibm thinkpad and a dell before that.

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  11. Ah, you did it. I have always wanted a Mac, but the cost is beyond me at this point in my life, I am happy to have my old PC. No matter what computer you have saving your book on a disk is very wise.
    Wish I was looking at the ocean right now. Taos is also known for its light.
    As for friends, I take them where I find them and I am lucky to have many day friends as well :-). I must say I have never had a shortage of friends, and I am most thankful for that. xoxo

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    1. annie, i bought it on a 12 month no interest plan and i'll make monthly payments so in 12 months it will be paid off. no credit card bill :^)

      i love your comment on friends.

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  12. Listening to all the wise council here regarding Mac's, I know I will get one - one day... I think you are right though about the older one gets, the harder it is to learn new software etc. But, the important thing is - one does! And...you are! Brava!

    We could both write volumns on Love...what is does to one - both good and bad. The important thing (as we have so often discussed) is that no matter the risk of heartache and/or betrayal...LOVE IS worth it. The feeling of being enveloped in Love is like no other.. so on that end, you are lucky to have experienced it - more than once. The struggle to heal after heartache is monumental....it takes time....and perhaps will never fully heal.

    I have said all I need to regarding the state of many people who (not by choice, but by Life's quirks) do not have *Day Friends*... it hard for many to comprehend - as their situations are different. The Blogs are such a Lifeline for a lot of people.... I thank Renee EVERY day.

    Love, Always,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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    1. robin, i can't believe the COLOR on the mac! purple like you won't believe! :^)

      in my current challenge, there could be no healing. not ever ever. i pray to be able to say what is difficult and to be the stronger and closer for it.

      but....i heard you might have a day friend :^)

      love
      kj

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  13. I understand you love your Mac. It is great for artist designers and writers so no wonder.......
    That number 1 sounds difficult but also as something you have to sort out. Maybe it won't be so bad as you expect...... Hate it that your heart hurts dear.
    Blogging is like a little miracle it has brought me closer to some new friends in this world and even met them!
    Off to see your poll
    Take care and stay warm dear
    ♥M

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    1. marianne, i was afraid to buy the mac. i clung to my pc. it took me months to finally do it, long after my laptop died on me. thanks for your well wishes xoxo and stay warm too, there is now snow on the ground, but i think not for long. i'm psyched for spring ♥

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    2. Me too can't be long now......

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    3. my fingers are crossed, marianne xoxo

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  14. "No healing, ever ever..." those are sad words Kj:-( Again like on wine's last post my white night wants to come out and fix! but like I told her In his last joust he broke all his fixing equipment...but you can join us in the foxhole, I have extra flack jackets and helmets, and when the morters stop falling we can storm the lines!!!! Kj you are a friend that I wouldnt soon walk away from:-)

    Wander

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    1. And as far as the friends thing goes...I think real friendship is a special thing and you take it from where ever you can get it!

      my full name is Chris McQueeney and I live in Oregon City Or and I am on Facebook feel free to send me a friend request Kj and you have my Email already:-)

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  15. Wander, i meant to say that I will never allow the need to heal in this case: I will not let anything interfere with my commitment and love for my family no matter how hard . I've avoided saying this is about a family matter , but isn't it true than any depth of Pain in such an instance is exceeded by such abiding deep love?

    Thank you for the foxhole, Chris . I will be in good company xoxo

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    1. The more the merrier (I hope that is how it is spelled)
      The selection of Jackets is slim, but we have a wide verity of helmet styles, sure to please even the most diserning eye:-) xoxo

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  16. I have met amazing, loving, ever-so-important friends on the blogs and you are right there at the top. I couldn't imagine my life without you now :)

    Hey, speaking of Provincetown. I have a dear friend who has offered me her condo for the weekend for free! I haven't had a vacation in eons and you know how I struggle financialy. What a blessing for me and Bri and the dog to be able to get out of town.
    Thank you, dear friend♥

    You know, I think I'll just call you! That sounds like a plan.

    I hope you resolve your situation soon. I can't stand to think of you hurting in any way, shape or form.

    xoxo
    Love,
    Lo♥

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  17. Kj,

    My life would certainly not be the same without you in it. You are an awesome friend; one who knows me well. You are one of my treasures.

    I'm so sorry you are going through a challenge right now. I know you will face it with strength and love...and don't forget to place in some humour, now and again.

    My granddaughter has a Mac and she looooves it. It looks difficult to me, but she tells me it is "the easiest thing in the World, Nammy!!"...and I know Graham wants one. I am not that great with learning new ways with computer type things...I still do not use my cell phone! haha...I thought I was doing great using a lap top!

    Stay warm, kj...crocuses will be back soon. xx

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    1. aw marion, you are so dear to me. thank you most gratefully.

      the mac is actually EASIER, even the word processing part. i'm proud of myself for making the transition. i've wanted to.

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  18. Stopping by with a fresh batch of virtual hugs for you :)

    I hope this comment finds you relaxed and at peace no matter what consequences you've had to face. I'm dealing with some tough no-win stuff right now too, so I can empathize.

    I'm sorry to hear that you've lost touch with Linda - not knowing must be very difficult.

    I treasure the friendship that we've formed online. It's funny, because when I am going about my day to day life in the "real world" frequently something I see or hear will remind me of one of my online friends. I think all of my friendships, whether formed in person or by computer hold special places in my heart. (Do I sound sappy, or what?!?)

    xo
    Kristin

    p.s. Congratulations on your new laptop!

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    1. virtual hugs and chocolate chip cookies, kristin! that is my reaction to your comment! i know you are 'dealing' too. it's hard to accept that life is sometimes hard. we try to see it otherwise.... :^(

      i don't think i will snap another photo without thinking of sharing it right here! and i feel as you do about all my friends. they have rooms, most with furniture even!, in my heart


      kj

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  19. Friends are fleeting
    Friends are few
    Friends come
    Go just as soon...
    Friends?
    Who?
    Me and You?

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  20. yes. joss. me and you....

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  21. when i first changed over to a mac i was nervous but now i've become a convert - there are too many cool things you can do on a mac that i would not want to do without in a computer. i'm happy to hear you are feeling more confident about keeping your manuscript safe from being lost - this is a fear you don't need when you're trying to create something. frankly, i think i would prefer provincetown in the off season - there are few places more inspiring than the solitude of a winter beach.

    i read with great interest your comments about friendship and blogging. i'm so sorry to hear about your friend linda and hope that you eventually find her doing well. i've had these thoughts often about blogging lately - it's a double edged sword....so many lovely souls i've met...and yet i have trouble working on my longer writing projects when i'm actively engaged in regular blogging. i guess i don't have the skill sets to manage both well, so i've actually taken a step away from blogging in recent weeks. i'll see how it goes, but i do believe you can find true friends through blogging, no question.

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    1. I'm loving it, Amanda. I didn't expect to prefer the word processing program. I've always used Microsoft word. No more, I love apple's pages so far

      I love blogging. It and you and my many friends and visitors here are part of my life. But the distances are hard. I'm glad I have local friends too. I do think it's a slippery slope because by the nature of blogging we are likely more accepting and tolerant of differences than we are face to face

      Love you, Amanda. Don't worry about being away. You have your own place at the table xoxo

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  22. Oh how I relate to the first item on your list, kj. Sometimes, though, as much as love is absolutely at the root of it, it can feel like it's absolutely wrangling the heart. Perhaps that's what's meant by the idea of being "broken open." I don't know about you, but I'm coming to find a place where darkness and light are at once indistinguishable. This co-mingling is disorienting to say the least. Hugs to you.

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    1. How much I'm smiling to find you here, Ashley. Man, you've said this well. I feel this way too. Who knew that even at its deepest and most loving, life is hard?

      Email me, my friend. Or call. It seems we're again on the same track. Ps I miss writing with you alot xo

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