Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Story of SadHappy

I have written about them before. I met them three years ago when they were 2, 3, and 5 and living with their mother. Now they are 5, 6, and 8.

Scene I

I met them before 3 year old J---was kidnapped by trusted adults and horrible things happened before the police found her in another state and brought her home. Before the sheriff presented the eviction notice and everything they owned was thrown on the front lawn and they stood on the porch with their mother, until the State Department of Children and Families stepped in. Before J ---went to one foster home and her two brothers to another. Before the boys were moved from one home to another, four different famlies, four different placements in all, and and for X--, four different schools, all in just two years.

I met them before their mother abandoned them and they would not see her again. Before their illegal immigrant father pleaded for custody despite his severe poverty. Before the boys lived with him and before J--- was afraid to visit him because she was afraid he might kidnap her and before he was arrested and just three weeks ago deported.

I met them before J---'s foster mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Before X--- ended up in a hospital program because when he couldn't sit still in school it became clear that like his sister, he had been abused too.

Scene 2

Before J---'s foster mother was told that she will be able to have permanent guardianship of J---until she is 18. Before the boys were last week permanently placed with the foster parent- grandmother they have been with for the last four months, who canceled her move to New York in order to keep them with her.

Before J--- started called her foster mother 'mommy' and before her foster mother could finally stop worrying about her being taken away. Before the cancer fell into remission.

Before the boys were welcomed into a loving family.

Scene 3

I am their therapist and I can tell you clearly that never in my wildest dreams did I expect these three children to prosper. I am required to document clinical words to describe their challenges: problems with abandonment, belongingness, attachment, abuse, neglect, post traumatic stress. I have come home some nights and railed that the world is so unfair that these three darling children would have no chance.

But that is not what is happening. They are now safe and loved. They belong somewhere.

J---told her 'mommy' that she doesn't need a ther-a-pist anymore. X finally can say that he hears voices in his head from when he was locked in a closet. Now that part of him can be helped. The littlest guy isn't sucking his thumb so desperately anymore.

Yes. Of course. There will be challenges and problems ahead. This level of trauma will certainly be triggered and our bodies don't forget. But I'm here to tell you that I work with some pretty hard facts and some very unfair circumstances.....and these three little kids are no longer among them.

Thank you universe. Thank you very very much.

love kj


  1. please don't tell me how wonderful i am to do this work. i appreciate your kindness but this is not one bit about me. i am jumping with joy this week becdause something bad is turning out good. that's the real story. ♥ kj

  2. Maybe you deserve some of that credit.

  3. I wrote before I read your "footnote." Still, KJ, whatever good comes to these children is from various sources, and you are surely one of them. Still, as you pointed out, it is an occasion for gratitude rather than plaudits.

  4. All I am going to say is: BRAVA!
    God IS Good! How wonderful for these little ones to finally *belong* somewhere and to feel loved.

    That's what it's all about.

    Snow is right, of course!

    So I will end with another BRAVA - or rather - BRAVI - to everyone who cared, who helped to make this happen!



    ♥ Robin ♥

  5. snow, ♥

    wrobin, hello! what a relief! i am lighter from letting go of this worry ♥

  6. Super kudos to the foster mommy for hanging around. There are some great foster parents out there. It's a wonderful program and those parents don't get near enough credit. Thanks for the great news!

  7. What a miracle this story may have a happy end and they are on the right track.
    How lucky these kids are to finally found loving homes and all the way that you were there for them

  8. What a hard way to start out in life. I am grateful that these kids are getting another chance, and with an adult who is one. :)

  9. thank you for telling their story, giving voice to their pain and now their joy at finding a home.

  10. You never can tell can you KJ? Hopelessness and despair are natural enough in the face of such hardship, but life sometimes has this funny way of moving the goal-posts around when we're looking the other way. Some of these kids become winners ... or at least not losers :) ... somehow the universe turns and re-balances in ways we would be hard pressed to imagine.
    I am glad that this weight at least has been lifted somewhat.

    I have been giving some thought to what you said about healing KJ. Sometimes I guess we hope that the wound will close and over time even the scar will fade into semi-nothingness. If this is what ever happens then I think it must occur so slowly that we are almost unaware of it.

    There are times that we try so hard to heal that the effort is almost too much. We end up straining the scabs that were forming over the wound ... pulling them a little ... not much, just enough to set the healing back by a notch or two.

    The funny thing is that the sensation of that pull ... that notch being knocked down one can feel surprisingly good. Deceptively like healing even.

    There are times when it is hard to "let it be" and never more so than in matters of the heart. There is an element of going over it again and again and in doing so somehow we're are perhaps trying to force a different outcome ... or at the very least a new perspective. And maybe that works I don't know.

    Someone told me once that all this thinking I was doing was really in truth about me trying to re-invent the past ... to make it better .. or at least change my perspective of my role in those long gone events to make me feel better about myself. I'm not sure I'm making much sense here so I'll stop.

    In my experience old wounds heal better if left quietly to get on with it. xx Jos

  11. Oh wow, KJ, I'm so proud of them, coming through all this trouble. My heart goes out to ever they are and certainly they must be special people! :)

  12. Kj, Heartbreaking, I am so glad things are finally working out for them, and pray that they continue.Yes, gratitude is in order :-).xoxo

  13. Oh my, I'm over the moon happy that there (hopefully) will be no more moving for these kids. I'm going to keep them in my prayers that the demons will stay away and that life will be safe from now on. Here's to the power of love and trust...and hope.

    Thank you for being on that journey with them.


  14. A lovely (heartbreaking in parts) story to start my day off. :)

  15. oh my god - my heart was in my throat at part 1. I didn't know about the father being deported.

    and I never sent you the clothes. I am ashamed of myself.

    I am so happy they are thriving, so grateful.

    and are wonderful too. so there

  16. Gulp. I love children so much and cannot fathom what they go through and survive. Gulp again.

    I need your snail mail address. Write me at Direct order. Edict.


  17. that's a wonderful SadHappy story... and I like it that the children have you as a stable on their journey also.

    love x

  18. Since you want no credit,I won't give you any.
    I will just say thanks to God for putting you in the path of these kids.
    He does that, you know.

    Knowing that these kids have warm forever beds tonight, we'll all sleep a little better.
    Ain't it good!

  19. 3girlknight, there are not nearly enough foster parents, and it's a shame because it can be such a win-win.

    i'm thrilled marianne.

    pam, i've learned more about trauma in kids than i care to know ♥

    hi suki!

    jos, "in my experience old wounds heal better if left quietly to get on with it." xx there's acceptance again! thank you, jos. what a kind comment.

    julie, every once in a while i meet people who are so giving they make me want to cry, happy tears. i love knowing people like that!

    thank you annie. your prayers are always welcomed. xo

    hello dear ms lo, you know this story and thank you for listening to it for years now. ♥

  20. angela, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

    kay! hello! i've seen your stones and i love them. my father and grandfather were masons. my comment is still in my head, but i'll be by ♥

    mim, ashamed? are you kidding?!
    ANNOUNCEMENT: last christmas mim bought two winter jackets, jeans, tops, socks, for these two little boys. she shopped for everything and i got to hand deliver this huge bag at christmas time. mim, you are wonderful. i love you for life, you know...

    sharon, tsup! (translation: affectionate sound, like throwing a kiss) email's a coming. but i'll want reciprocation. :^)

    robyn, you know, honestly, i do think i've helped...

    i love you, babs.

  21. SO beautiful. now happyhappy.

  22. What you do though is fight, work, and comfort when you can. Yay for good things Yay for that.
    But what you did is big whether you know it or not. It is not just a job is it? You feel.
    Thank you for being that, thank you!!!

  23. Ah, that's great. I love, love, love when we get to see our people healing.

  24. Oh, I remember these three. I am beyond happy to hear that love and a measure of peace has found them. This post made my heart sing this morning, kj...thank you so much! xx