Sunday, February 06, 2011

Momentous Mish Mash

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This weekend is JB's birthday. This is a time when she is happy to indulge herself and knowing that I try to indulge her too. I bought some flowers, a cake, a few presents and ingredients for her favorite dinner (New York strip steak, a baked potato with sour cream, asparagus and red wine). It's been a relaxing day, driving in challenging weather with no complaints and no problems.
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I shopped for the best food today. I love grocery shopping. Makes me feel secure and thankful.
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No snow storms today, but it rained. The temperature is below freezing.
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ICE.....
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Plenty of worrisome ice. Look at my neighbor's house:
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Hard to believe. This is not a common sight.
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But this week, icicles are everywhere.
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I've been comtemplative this week.
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After my lazy reluctance to return to work, it was all good. I love my work: I am so glad of that because it makes such a difference in how I view myself and my life.
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A while back I had a conflict with a work colleague. He was unable to sympathize or help me when I encountered multiple computer problems with my agency's software and I couldn't get the required reports done. I was in tears from the frustration and instead of support, he blamed me for not being more computer savvy.
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I will work at the relationships that matter to me, but he and I were mostly co-workers and barely casual friends so in the aftermath I chose to pretty much ignore him. I was cordial, but made no effort to seek him out.
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This week I sent him an email asking a work question. He wrote back and answered it, but he also wrote that I was giving him the cold shoulder, why the change?
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I told him I had been hurt and disappointed by how he handled the computer problem with me. I said if he wanted to talk about it I would be willing to do that.
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He emailed me again, this time blasting me for wanting him to do my job for me. His words were defensive and angry and I let them go.
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It wasn't that important to me. But the more I thought about it, I don't need to be right. I don't need to let conflict fester. So I walked in his office. He greeted me immediately. I told him I knew emailing back and forth was not the best thing and asked if he would like to make some time to clear the air. He readily agreed. I could tell he was relieved.
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Two years ago this month the end was spinning wildly with the most difficult conflict I've ever had with someone I cared about. Resolution has not been possible. If forgiveness is to happen, it will probably happen without acknowledgement. That makes me sad. But I know I won't hold on to the negatives. It's harder for me to choose to care and not to blame or defend, but I know that is the best way for me. No face to face resolution, but who am I to say? Maybe the blessings that got overlooked find a way to hover safely in the sky that unites.
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I leave you today with mish mash images of JB's weekend birthday. Happy happy birthday, JB Ms. Petunia. Here's wishing you at least fifty more.
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Oh, one more thing. You know that question: would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?
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Honestly, I think the answer is a no-brainer. Love the people you love whether they are here or there. Love yourself. This is what I know today and I'm passing it on just in case you may have forgotten.
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love
kj

35 comments:

  1. Aww happy birthday to JB. I hate conflict at work but it's always best to confront it face to face rather than email, so much can be misunderstood. Love yourself . . hardest thing to do.

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  2. Absolutely. Happiness trumps rightness any day for me.

    You were very brave to walk into his office. I mostly ducked the issues since I was basically in a place of powerlessness with my job. However, that being said, there WERE some memorable moments when I did not keep my mouth shut. Still didn't get whole hearted support from those who should have known better but I felt better for not taking an email scolding that was just plain wrong in all possible ways. I'm so glad I'm retired now. I've never been happier.

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  3. hells my dear wonderful friend, how you could not love who you are would be a mystery to me. you are the real deal and so easy to love that you smittened me from the start :)
    (i think i made up the word 'smittened')

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  4. Oh. p.s. In the midst of all that I forgot to send a Happy Birthday, JB, shout out. HB, jb.

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  5. annie, it's obvious you are enjoying yourself and that is all the power you need! xo

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  6. This is a very wise post like only you can make, KJ. You absolutely did the right thing to clear the air this way. But I think not many people are able to copy this.

    Happy birthday for JB and many more returns of the day. (I have read this somewhere and I think it a beautiful phrase. It was a pity that I used it during a wedding whahahaha)

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  7. Thanx KJ for a beautiful advice,and wish You both at least 50 years together,profitez des ans ;))
    xxxMar

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  8. Happy Birthday JB!!!!!

    And conflicts at work sucks..... But you handled it well much better than that immature colleague! You are brave to just go in there and talk it out. He is just someone who needs to learn how to deal with things and people. I hope he doesn't do the same work as you, he wouldn't do such a great job having his ego in the way all the time......

    LOVEly cake there KJ! Yummy!
    And Love the see the love lights still burning ;)

    I have send a card this morning hope it gets through cyber space.

    Those icicles are so unreal.....
    Sure it is pretty but I hope spring comes soon!

    Have a wonderful birthday weekend!
    love to both of you
    ♥♥♥
    >M<

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  9. Would I be wrong to rightly want a piece of that cake? Best of days for a new year JB!

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  10. Happy Birthday to JB !!!

    Of course we should choose happiness over rightness.

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  11. beautiful flowers, unbelievable cake, huge mother icicles and a brave you walking into his office!

    Why is my painting on the floor? :(

    Happiest of birthdays to Ms. JB, who by the way has a skinny arm!!

    Enjoy the birthday weekend girls.

    xo
    Lo♥

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  12. Happy, happy Birthday, JB! That cake looks so good...could you send me a piece? Through the mail? It might get here in time for next year's birthday, heh!

    I find that so many emails can be misunderstood. I've been in a situation where emails went flying back and forth, with nobody really taking the time to understand the feelings beneath the writing. I'm glad you went in to see the poor deluded man.

    Another Winter storm warning this morning...lots of snow already falling. And just as I was ready to write a post about Spring...

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  13. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JB! What a wonderful day KJ has planned!
    Beautiful gifts (is that a sexy leopard-print apron I see?), delicious dinner and wow - that cake!!!!

    Forget the chill outside - inside will be a warm haven of love!

    KJ - I am so proud of you for handling your difficult colleague as you did... that took courage!

    I know this is a time of mixed emotions for you.... but I also know you ARE moving forward....
    I hear it in your voice every time we talk.

    Please give that amazing "Finder of Lost Earrings" a big hug from me! And one for Stella! And one for YOU!!!!!!

    Love to all,

    ♥ Cupcake ♥

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  14. Kj, In the long run everyone thinks they are right, don't they? Everyone has their own side of things. You are right though, love is the answer, but sometimes you can love and that does not solve the problem, but it is okay as long as you still love. I am glad your co worker responded to you, some peole don't like confrontation, and that makes it difficult to resolve the conflict, your co worker was an easy fix, I am happy. Happy Birthday to the lovely JB! That cake looks wonderful, I am off sugar and have been dreaming of cakes :-), I may start painting them if my fingers ever unthaw. xoxo

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  15. many happy birthdays to JB (a baby if I'm reading right) and hope she and you have a wonderful day.

    As for the email colleague - there are simply some people who deal better face to face and really blow it in email. They can come off sounding angry in email but be pleasant in person. I don't get it, but it happens alot.

    And as for your question??? I'm never right.

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  16. Happy, happy birthday to JB!!

    I love that question at the end of your post. I ask myself exactly that question every time I have a disagreement - even when I am hard on myself in my mind... It's always better to be happy than right!

    Conflict is so hard whenever it happens. Sometimes we get to resolve it with the other person, and often we just get to resolve it in our own hearts. And that, too, is possible... I have found over the years that forgiveness is mostly for ourselves anyway - and I think that is hardest of all!

    Much love, Silke

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  17. wieneke, thank you so much. i love your sense of humor, and i'm glad my sex survey did not drive you away from here! ♥

    marja, another fifty years would have me at 103! well, maybe so, who can say? :)
    xoxox

    marianne, thank you for your always wonderful wishes. i decided to resolve the problem for myself as well as for him too. why not? that's the question i came to...
    no hint of spring here marianne. i will welcome it so much this year!!
    xoxo

    mark, if cakes could fly you would have that piece for dinner tonight :)

    sidney,you keep it so simple. i like that about you so much my friend.

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  18. lo, now, now, you know i love that painting. it is on the floor because we had to move things and we are thinking about where its new home will be. that was my first birthday present, when we first met in the flesh (clothes on of course, hahhaha). remember?

    marion, see my ocmment to mark. otherwise, there is a piece for you in the freezer but you have to come and get it :). more snow? you are so good natured about it. it is melting melting here this morning and i am finally less worried about my roof ♥

    robin cupcake, of course you know that apron! you were there! jb and i are going to TWO movies this afternoon. that is how she wants to spend her birthday. ring-a-ling coming soon xoxo

    annie, what i'm happy about is that i tried. i will probably feel differently about my relationship with him but hopefully it won't be as awkward. i knew it was up to me to move the problem one way or another. as for those times when you just have to accept, yes, i know. i don't prefer it to be that way, but once i've done what i can, i know i have to accept. i hope you are warm annie, jeez louise, that must be so hard. brrrr. xoxo

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  19. how true mim. i've found even the phone isn't as good as a face to face attempt to make things better. not always possible but for myself i know when that is what is going to be needed. plus, emails can be cowardly.... ♥

    silke, gulp. your words hit home for me in such a large way. some things and some people cannot be understood or circumstances fixed. but forgiveness in your own heart: difficult, and yes. ♥

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  20. Wow Kj I loved all the photos and your thoughts of today....

    I think you are one of the dearest people I know... and JB is one lucky woman *and i know you feel the same way : )

    Happiness rules over righteousness or even being right!

    Much XXX to you this Sunday
    Pattee

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  21. you are a wise woman, KJ.

    Happy Birthday to JB

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  22. Wishing JB a happy birthday and wishing I could have a slice of that cake! So pretty.
    Glad youand he made peace at work. Monday should be easier.

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  23. happy birthday to jb, I hope you both had a wonderful day. those are such sweet and thoughtful gifts, flowers and cake, I'm sure she must have loved it all. Oh! and dinner too.

    I wish I had the courage you do, I'm not sure I would have been able to face that person. and then clear the air too. it was the absolutly right thing though. well done kj!

    Please don't stand under any sharp houses!

    xxx

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  24. pattee, thank you so much for such an incredibly sweet comment. i bow with humility! that darn ego we all have: it so likes to be right!!
    xxxx to you too

    suki, thank you. a supreme compliment coming from you xoxo

    OMG lynn, the cake was AWESOME! red velvet: like chocolate but not chocolate. i am on weight watchers and i ate three pieces. there, i said it. a 12 step admission of personal responsibility :)

    lori, i haven't cleared the air yet. i only hope it will go well when we talk because that is my preference for sure. i've learned the hard way to deal with things when i can, before they grow a mile high. i don't always do it, but when i can i do. good weekend all in all. i hope for you too, sf. xoxox

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  25. Is it possible to know that you have love? I mean to say when we are intelligent, do we really acknowledge the fact that we are intelligent..it emits in certain circumstances..so do with love. If we love we really don't understand it..it reflects on certain circumstances..when talking to people, when doing a work, when engage in some sort of creative work..it emits and shows that the person is a lovable one..

    I don't know what I am saying...

    Anyway, convey my birthday wishes to your friend. The cake looks lovely, handwriting on it is more than that.

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  26. Wow, those icicles are amazing! It must have got super cold for them to appear like that.
    I love birthdays, scientifically proven fact that the more of them you have the longer you live! :-)

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  27. Beautiful photos! I love how colorful everything was.

    A friend used to advise me: You can be right, or you can be in a relationship. That always stopped me in my tracks from trying to prove the people I loved the most wrong... and for what? My ego-flail? No thanks. I'd rather have friends and significant others and co-workers who enjoy being around me. But man...it was a tough lesson.

    I'm going through a conflict right now that is breaking my heart. Someone I used to be very close to has made it clear they do not want to be friends anymore, and there's no conversation, no dialogue. Just that person moving on and the cold, hard thud of my heart falling onto the floor.

    If you haven't read Eat Pray Love - I know it's trite because everyone recommends it so - but there's this great moment in the last chapter of the book where her soul makes peace with the soul of the person who hates her more than anyone else in the world - and it's beautiful. I'm re-reading it tonight when I get home, and I highly recommend that if you haven't read it yet, you at least give it a try with that chapter. (I'll send the page number and everything if you actually are interested in doing this.)

    Hugs and love to you, and thank you always for your kind comments.

    --Tracy

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  28. shubhajit, hahaha, your comment made me laugh! it's nice to see you confused about love! :) it is a mystery, isn't it? but when it takes the wheel, without a nagging back seat ego, we know it trumps anything bad.

    and the handwriting on the cake! shubhajit, i noticed that too! the best i'd ever seen on a cake! xoxo

    sag, here's wishing us all plenty of birthdays (did you hear the story of my 10 year old client who mispelled it and wrote a card that said 'happy bitchday'. i didn't tell her..... :)

    phoenix, i remember that scene,and yes, please tell me the pages. and phoenix, i've been there, am still there, still sometimes feeling harmful words land on me. how could the heart be expected to understand? all i can say is: together strong.....♥

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  29. I love this mish mash... filled with passion.
    I too was celebrating loved ones bthdy's this past wkend.
    Awesome photos.... the ice looks magical, but I'm sure it's not that way for people with it on their roof.

    Kind is good and that's a word that's easy to use to describe you.
    You are very kind.
    xx

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  30. dear robyn, thank you for saying i am kind. i want to be kind, as long as i am also michievious and funny :) ps you i so admire!!! did the post bring you anything interesting from the usa? yet?

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  31. jb's favorite meal and mine are the same! sending heaping loads of birthday wishes her way♡

    and to be right or happy? sure right feels good... but happy feels sooooooooo much better~i'm still working on that one ;-)

    p.s. word veri is: kings!

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  32. amanda, i'm still working on that one too! my ego tries to push me around :)i am not a red meat eater very often but JB loved having new york strip steak so we did. ps. i'm glad we're visiting one another. i won't lose you this time ♥

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  33. A very happy birthday to JB! Please give her a hug from me.

    How is your roof doing since you cleared the edges - did the snow slide off?

    (Me, I want to be right AND happy.)

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  34. Lucky you for loving your work - it is something I am working on changing. As for the conflict resolution, it's amazing how one person can effect your work/life day. Glad to see you faced it head on and worked through it together.
    And as for happy vs right - I'd take happy every day.

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  35. this was a great reminder to me today! thank you so much. the timing was perfect.
    happy hearts!
    c

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