This is what I woke up to this morning: snowballs just outside my bedroom window. It is not the ocean, I don't feel the breezes, my bedroom here is not white and spacious and airy like it is in Provincetown, but oh these flowers. They were the first thing I saw when I woke up and thank God, because I didn't sleep as well without my ocean breeze. Mim said being near the water heals and I know she is right. I'm sure this is true of the breezes too. My bedroom here is going to be an adjustment. (Just a fact....) :)
We have tomatoes in the garden. Plenty of them, and they are lushly red.
I look to the porch and I see Stella's cookie in the middle of the futon. I think if Stella can mark her spot then I can too. I don't want my life to be difficult because I am unable to settle down, or because I am clueness about how to pursue the details in the way I choose, or because I am unwilling to stick my neck out to recognize and appreciate and participate. I got myself cracked open in the recent past and I got hurt in the process. Healing is still an effort, but I know I getting closer to dancing with abandon. I know I want to love deeply, even still, and I want to laugh my ass off.
And I want to be an improving writer.
And I want to have fun.
I have several things going for me. For one, I have happy zinnias. This morning I am setting up the French Press for my beloved Peet's Major Dickinson coffee and the zinnias are waving to me outside my kitchen window. I can hear the g.d. bulldozers and trucks digging up the street outside, a mess of a road project I didn't support and don't like one bit. But I'm doing my best to ignore that because I prefer to wave back at the zinnias.
My first day back from vacation and I have bills to pay, chores to do, calls to make, tomorrow's work to organize. I want to keep it simple but the car is stacked with about 20 bags of coffee makers and gifts and clothes and pillows that first must move from the car the kitchen floor. Lucky for me that JB gets us focused tonight and we empty each bag, put things away. I have managed to effectively tackle about 65-70% of what is mine. That is progress for me.