Monday, December 20, 2010

A 4 Step Holiday Survival Guide

I've borrowed this from Nerissa Nields who got it from her friend, Michele Woodward, Career Strategist & Master Certified Coach. Fa la la maybe, but just in case you are now finding the holiday anxiety revving up to third or forth gear, I think you might find Michele's advice helpful; if not helpful, then at least worth a smile or two.
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Says Michelle:

I wonder if you're heading into the coming "magical" Christmas week with slightly more than a teensy bit of anxiety? So much to do, so little time. A lot of moving parts, and moving people. Gifts to get, food to prepare, people to be polite to (it's that last part that's the real challenge, huh?).
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As Ricky Ricardo might say, "Ai, yi, yi, yi, yi".
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Four things. That's all you have to remember to not only get through this week, but to really enjoy it.
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1. Have no expectations. This doesn't have to be a Christmas to remember (great song, but sorry, Amy Grant). The more you push to make it "magical" the less likely it is going to be magical. You might have an expectation that the True Christmas Experience means handsome mother and father in matching Christmas sweaters sipping a hot toddy before the fire while their well-behaved children play quietly and reverently with their well-appreciated new toys. Honey, unless you live in Stepford, I don't think that's going to happen. Everyone has wild cards in their families. A puppy. Or toddlers. Or teens. Or Uncle Ralph. I'm just sayin'.
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If you're single, or newly divorced, or newly partnered, or newly widowed, holding this unattainable expectation of the fabled True Christmas Experience in your heart and mind will only bring you suffering. Drop it. Love what you've got. Oh, of course, recognize the learning in the yearning and work toward getting some of that - connection, belonging, love, perhaps - into your life another way. Maybe by volunteering at the food bank or mentoring a struggling reader. Remember: You can create what you want.
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2. Be present. I mean: when you're with people, look them in the eye. Participate in conversations. Help with the dishes. When you're checking your office email, or mentally checking off your to-do list, you're not really "here". You're "there". When you find yourself with alone time during the holidays, be equally present. With yourself. Feel how you feel. Pay attention to the book you're reading. Really taste your food. If you're present to yourself, you'll be a fuller person, and, voila!, much happier.
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3. Find the fun. Let's just say it out loud - the holidays are hilarious. You are making the stuff of family legends, folks. To tell you the truth, memories of the unintended humor inherent in Christmas gatherings can keep me going through the dark, cold days of February, like when Andrew ate potpourri, thinking it was a snack (priceless). Or, like the time my friend Karen and her family woke to the sound of "Crash (tinkle, tinkle, tinkle)" to find the Christmas tree had toppled, the ornaments had all broken and sappy tree water had run all over the gifts (OK, they laugh about it now). Oh, and remember that spontaneity can be an instant fun creator. Have a snowball fight. Or a margarita party. Dance. Do the Wii with great-grandma (I bet the old girl could nail Beatles Rock Band).
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4. Give generously, not reciprocally. Yes, this is the lesson Scrooge finally learned, and we all know it because we saw the Bill Murray movie. But times are still tough for a lot of people, and what matters most is that you be the kind of person you want to be this Christmas. Want to send something to your nieces and nephews? Go ahead, do it - even if their family can't reciprocate. And you don't have to give Things - you can give time. Trust me on this one, even teenagers appreciate it when someone makes time to listen to them. Give because you want to be a giving person.
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Oh, and don't forget to give something to yourself this year. I mean it - find a little something that will buoy your spirits, and give you joy. Wrap it up and put it under the tree. Or give it to yourself in a quiet moment of reflection. It can be as low-cost as the gift of a nap. Or as expensive as a new car. Choose what feels right. Because taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others.
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When you hold Christmas in a clenched fist of direction and control, or focus on the keeping and settling of scores, it's a lose-lose-lose situation you're setting up. And you'll have a lousy week. So, lighten up. Relax. Enjoy. And sing along as great-grandma belts out "I Wanna Hold Your Hand."
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She's gonna nail it.
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Love
kj

9 comments:

  1. good advice! I just sneaked under the tree and opened my presents to see what I have as "surprises" and now I know what to go out and get for myself! I'll make this a memorable Christmas come hell or high water

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  2. Yes indeed, very sound advice there ... to much pressure of expectation and for what? It can be joyful in all sorts of ways but being present is absolutely crucial to this.

    Might buy myself a little something to put under the tree this year. What a nice idea. Ho ho ho 4 sleeps to go (argghhh don't panic don't panic ... I said don't panic!!!). xx Jos

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  3. mimm WHAAAT??? YOU PEEKED???! hahahaha, i can just see you peering into the wrapping paper! mim, i will tell you publically that one part of my memorable christmas is your friendship. to have a steady friend like you is such an awesome gift!!!! (no more peeking!)

    jos, yes! yes! give yourself a present! i like that idea alot too. my way of staying present is to keep an eye on my feet, because that tells me where i am!! ♥

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  4. always good to get real in this fantasy season. i still have trouble with the expectations part sometimes but know to look at what is and appreciate what i have...that's what matters.

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  5. I have no problem giving gifts to myself - lol!! I just bought myself another one last night. It won't get here until after the holidays, but that makes it even better. Great advice, and I hope I can chill out and stop fretting and get over it all and just enjoy seeing my family. I'm pretty sure I can. I'm ready to just make come cocoa and watch old movies. Of course, I have to wrap presents, and visit my mom, and... :))

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  6. I know you will just leave me to and my old lady to stick to our Christmas traditions right? None. That has worked so well for us for so long us two old dogs will

    A) One will send the other off to work

    B) the other will sleep most of the day away.

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  7. I have to send this post to all my friends and family. fantastic advice! Even though I know all of this already, it feels good to hear it said by someone new.

    Mim peeked?????? hahahaha!

    I want to peek at a few of my bloggy gifts. Maybe when you come tomorrow! Not Robin's though, I promised.

    Walking Man...hahahahahaha!! That guy keeps it real.

    See you Wednesday, dromedary ;)

    xoxo
    Lo♥

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  8. Definitely good advice. I've been slow getting into the spirit this year but having fewer expectations and a load of fun is definitely on the cards.

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  9. ah kj, well done, and so thoughtful of you. can i add a bit more?

    plan to be surprised (expect the unexpected). if gratitude is in your every breath, no matter what happens, life is grand. it really really is.

    love you kj

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