Saturday, July 03, 2010

Color



Yesterday's post was a bit serious. I get embarrassed when I publicly lament. But it seems that every once in a while I have to reinforce and remind at least myself that I am not yet past something and someone that has hurt me without a care. Maybe that's part of the way I grieve. But not today. It's a four day weekend. No have-to-do plans. It's a good day.
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This morning JB and I went to the local downtown Farmer's Market. We had a shopping list: at least one flat of zinnias, a six pack of coleus, whatever fresh vegetables caught our eyes.
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There are two things about living in Western Massachusetts--farm country--that never fail to excite me.
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One is the abundance of fresh and inexpensive fruit and vegetables and flowers and plants.
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The other is the way the grass feels on my bare feet.
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Note: a transition is now occurring: After the Farmer's Market, after I (finally) inquired (and can now arrange) to get more disk space on my hard drive (between that and Blogger, I'm never sure I can reliably upload my photos), and after I found the apricot moisturizing cream I ran out of and love, JB and did some quick shopping before returning to the garden .
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First, let me tell you about these candles. They are the best candles you will ever have. They last and they GLOW. You'll find them in many shops and specialty stores: I encourage you to seek them out. Sometimes they are on sale. Does anyone else have them? Because if you do, I know you will agree with me.
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In my town of Northampton, which is essentially a college town surrounded by farms, there is a one of a kind store called Faces. It is collegiate, colorful, funky. Take a look:
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(Here comes transition # 2): We are making progress in the yard. I am in no rush: I enjoy the process and result of every weed I pull and every flower I plant. My professional work and career has often been difficult and sometimes impossible to quantify or measure, so for me something like yard work is delightfully creative and refreshingly concrete.
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. This is the bowl Annie Coe made. Isn't it gorgeous
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What? Another transition?What kind of writing is this?) JB and I ate outdoors tonight. She grilled vegetables and potatoes and I sauteed fresh scallops. I dipped them in an egg and then lightly in flour, and added lemon 1o minutes later when they were done. I buy my seafood at a local fish store so small you can hardly turn around. The owner threw in a lemon for good measure. That is another thing I like about living here: people are easy going.
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And then cappuccino. The cappuccino machine was a splurge during the three or so months we thought JB and I thought we were millionaires. We had sold our Victorian house in Newton, made quite a profit, and since we were moving to a new house anyway, we HAD to shop. The limitless abundance didn't last long, but was it ever fun for a time.
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Yesterday I wrote a pretty sad post that included the dramatic stories of the death of weeds and certain over-extended plants. I mentioned that JB had rehabilitated the pansies that were destined for the wheel barrel trash. This afternoon I pulled out the rest of the pansies and now we have rehabilitated pansies all over the house.
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Not to mention a few singular hydrangeas: my second favorite flower after pink zinnias.
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It's been a relaxing night. I am sitting in the little den across from the kitchen looking for colors. (It's now a habit: I see something that excites me and I can't wait to share it here. What great friends and blog visitors I have. What fun we have together, even though it's sad sometimes too).
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(Final transition): This is Rosie. She died several years before we adopted Stella. Everyone knows how much I love Stella, but I have to say Rosie was the most special dog. She was happy and bouncy until the very end, and when had to leave, she sent a dog to find me the next day. He showed up and nudged me from behind, kept rubbing his face into me. "He's never done that before," his owner said. I didn't say anything but I understood. Vanessa, Ms. V, I am sorry for the loss of your dog Baby. I know how sad you are, with good reason.
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So today was far better than yesterday. I know why I was upset yesterday. I brought it on myself. I don't think I am ever going to master not feeling, and I will always hold loyalty and kindness to the highest standard. I received so many wonderful comments about that post, and they all helped me get a grip. Thank you for your comments.

So what's up for the rest of the weekend?

JB and I have agreed to meet at 7 am in the yard for a few hours of cooler weather yard work. (after my precious first cup of coffee)

I heard there is a place that sells special lilies only three weekends a year, and this weekend is one of them.

We will take my Mother out for a lobster roll.

I have bills to pay.

And photos to order.

Some special cards to write.

Maybe a swim at the Clarion pool.

More plantings and weeds-be-gone. Even some design.

A dozen or so work reports that are due on Tuesday.

And a reminder that I live in a free country, that I will never take my freedom for granted.

Happy fourth of July to my American friends.

And Happy tomorrow to everyone.

love

kj

16 comments:

  1. "Yesterday's post was a bit serious. I get embarrassed when I publicly lament."

    Hot damn! I'll go straight to the source of your embarrassment then.

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  2. What a lovely colorful post. You know how I love color!!!
    That barbie doll lamp is cool!
    And your former dog such a sweetie also!
    Enjoy freedom KJ, one of the most precious things in life.
    Enjoy the 4th of July!
    Thanks for your mail

    ♥♥♥
    >M<

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  3. I read y'days post and could have sworn i left a comment! but i see i didnt. What leapt out to Annie also leapt out to me: that what we think is love maybe isnt. Yet, who can really define love or qualify or quantify the emotions we feel? I know that almost all of the men I have been attracted to in my life and thought i was in love with, and i may have been on some level, were alcoholics or recovered alcoholics or certifiably mentally ill or both wrapped up in one. I discovered years later that my alcoholic ex-husband was, after the divorce diagnosed w/bipolar disorder. Nothing wrong with these things of course, but i think it must say something about my pysche that i engaged in romances with severely dysfunctional though engaging men.

    Was I attracted due to the history of alcoholism in my grandfather's life? Some unworked out inner angst within me? Rather than true love.? So interesting (after the fact) to ponder.

    I consider that i will never have another romantic relationship as I can pretty much guarantee that anyone i am attracted to will be majorily messed up which only reflects my own messed upedness.

    I have done a lot of "work" on myself, healing work of all sorts and yet.....there is an area that remains f...ed up.

    Well, I do go on but today's post so lovely. thanks for showing snippets of your world.

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  4. snow, i've wondered when and hoped you would show up here. i'm glad. i will be sure to let you know when i have occasion for a HUGE embarrassment! :)

    marianne, HAPPY BIRTHDAY
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY
    I LOVE YOU!

    dear suki, i know what you mean. only once have i chosen the 'wrong' person--by that i mean someone who did not choose or was not capable of accepting my gifts and frailities, but even then, i still can't say it was a mistake. not yet, anyway.

    but i cannot agree with you about your future. you are not destined to choose unworthy or unavailable people to be in your life, certainly not with the insight and honesty you have about it all. i will think about your comment and write more after this morning's mulch. but suki, i believe in you with good reason. surely there is a way for you to share that belief with me!!! ♥

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  5. Now when you do posts of your house I smile because I have walked those floors ;)

    I think I'll pull my pansies and put them in pretty vases. The presented themselves at the door since May, it's the least I can do for them instead of tossing them.

    I'm glad you took me to "Faces" when I visited. Of course I had to buy some cards, one of which you have displayed in the kitchen ;)

    last night's dinner sounds yummy! I'm not a huge scallop fan but I like them well enough. These look perfect!

    I love seeing Pam's skelly on the windowsill! That's the only skelly I've ever liked. I don't understand the skull fascination but she makes it fun!

    Okay, I'm rambling. I'm paying for last night's over-indulgence. I hate it when my wine glass keeps getting refilled :P

    If you figure out the mystery of the disappearing lillipops, please share!

    talk to you later, alligator.

    oxoxoxox
    Lo♥

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  6. Hi kj! I don't think there is any reason for embarrassment at 'tall! And (transitioning!) I love your town. I love college towns, with their infusion of energy and creativity...and energy (wait, I said that! haha!). I have informed the DH that wherever I park my behind for my decrepit years must, must, must be either a college town or an art one. Not that I'm picky. Have a lovely day, my friend! xox Pam

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  7. It sounds like you and JB have a wonderful day planned! Umm....have one of those Lobster Rolls for me!

    The photos of the resurrected Pansies made me smile...and did my heart good. I still feel like them....but, I also feel (thanks to you, Lo, Suki, Marianne and others)that I, too, have been "resuced" from an inglorious fate and am now cherished again.

    Your photos always reflect YOU.....warm, bright, filled with joy and laughter......I KNOW you have your "Pansy-like" days.... but you are moving beyond them....

    I LOVE the photo of your former doggie....what a sweetie (like Stells)..and I love the story you told about his death and the "visitor". Moments like these soften grief.

    I am rambling too.... and don't have a good excuse like Lo!

    Have a GLORIOUS 4th....bask in the sun, in your Mum's smile, in JB's company....and come home to Stella, your garden (hoping Emily controls herself today) and your wonderful home.

    Love,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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  8. First let me ask Suki, have we dated the same men? :-). This is why I am single and will likely choose to stay that way.
    Kj-You can be serious anytime. We are complex humans and we have a wide range of emotions, I do like it best when you are happy though :-). I am glad you are using the bowl, I want it to be well used and loved. Your last pup looks like a doll.And I want some of those raspberries, yum.
    Happy 4th.
    Love ♥
    xoxo

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  9. I love the way you wear your heart on your sleeve and show us glimpses of your weekends and shopping sprees. So bright and summery this time. Have a wonderful weekend.

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  10. happy 4th to you and job. love annie's bowl, i have one of her mugs. what a lotta colour

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  11. Oh my gosh! I love this kj, flowers and farmers market and candles (where should i look for these?) and i LOVE Annies bowl.

    I love most how you have surrounded yourself with everything you love, it's so full of color and life, and did i say your photos are fantastic?!

    These are the most fun posts i think, but i agree, writing whats in your heart is always best. I am glad yours is so full of love.

    xoxo
    love,
    lori

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  12. hello lo, you leave the best comments. you don't miss anything, which is so sweet and attentive.
    pam's emily plush is a welcomed addition to the # 9 household. as are you. i think who ever kept filling your wine glass may be the same 'person'? who stole all the lollipops. i shudder to face emily's reaction when she sees all the lolli's are missing.

    pam, a college town or an art town but shall we add an ocean town too? maybe i'd settle for a lake, but water please. thanks for supporing my whining, ah, i mean lamenting, prudie2, my also friend.
    xoxo

    robin, did you read teri's comment to me? she said, 'grief comes in waves, and try not to let them knock you down but flow around you and let you move on.' how's that for good advice?! let us now be resurrected pansies!!!!!!

    annie, HAHAHAHAHA! you and suki could double date with the same guy! the bowl is beautiful, annie. see how happy those scallops were in it. they were very proud to look so lovely.

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  13. hells, i wear my heart on my sleeve? how about on my f----g forehead!!! but i'm not just a pretty face with a heart forehead. that camera of mine is coloring things up around here. i don't mind at all. xoxo

    soulbrush is here! YAY! how sweet your time with maggie. two beautiful women, sharing the simplest secrets of the universe...


    lori, you know, i think of you now when i take pictures. you totally inspire me. someday i imagine tagging after you, marveling at what you see.... xoxo

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  14. But if you can't publicly lament from time to time, what's the point of having a blog?Lamenting in the privacy of your own head grows wearisome.

    Beautiful colors. One thing I love about summer everywhere I've ever lived in the abundance of fruits and veggies and flowers.

    But that doll chandelier is freaking me out a little.

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  15. cs, hahaha about the barbie chandelier! sometimes i feel like i've been stuck for too damn long for reasons i can't begin to sort out. that's the embarrassment, i think. but thanks for your comment and of course you are totally right. i'm not able to have an honest blog without being honest. that's the bottom line. have a great last day of the weekend! xoxo

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  16. I haven't read your previous post yet, but whatever you've written I hope it did you good to get it off your chest! This post is full of goodness - love the colours, the pansies and those raspberries look scrummy!x

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