Thursday, June 17, 2010

My Day

Don't ask me why. I just feel like writing tonight. I hope I don't bore you.
.
.
First of all, after spending last weekend in New York City and then the Foxwoods Casino, JB and I are on our way to a Vermont farmhouse tomorrow, for the weekend. I will see my writer friends and their families. I think we will savor food, smell manure, visit barns and animals and gardens, (I don't know whose), enjoy two great kids, catch up, write.
.
.
But that's not all of it Tomorrow my friend Lo of these here blogs is coming to dog-sit-and-talk with Ms. Recovering Stella, who is starting to move and feel better. I want this house to be very nice to Lo, to welcome and cozy her into whatever space and sanctuary she may want.
But that is tomorrow. Today I worked in different ways than my normal routine. School is out this week, so the locations where I see my kid-clients is changing (fyi: half my clients are kids), and there are graduations. This is what I did today (names changed to protect anyone, maybe even me):
.
.
9 am: Met Addie at her house and let her drive my car around the church parking lot and on her street. My car and I are going with her for her driver's test this afternoon, because there was no one else. I don't think this is an appropriate thing for a therapist to do, so I don't ask for guidance, just in case, because I think helping Addie take her driver's test is overall a good thing.
10 am: What name have I called her before here on the blog? I wish I could use her real one syllable name because it is one of my favorites and it's who she is. Anyway, I went to her eighth grade graduation ceremony. It was a full cafeteria. I stood against the wall, clapped loud and long when she walked across the stage. I saw her Mother, who has lost custody, and I was very glad to see her: we embraced for real. Good. But the thing that really got me is that Ms. Nameless and three of her 8th grade classmates sang the full version of "I Believe I Can Fly." I was overtaken by my emotions. I wanted to cry, in a good way. Transformative.
.
.
11 am: I'm still here. This is not the best school. But today everything is done right. There are balloons, a piped organ/piano player, and a Guest Speaker. This will tell you so much about the mill town working poor city of H------: The Introduction of the Guest Speaker, with fanfare: "We are proud to introduce H------'s First Female Firefighter!!!" She was great. She said, I'm just like you. This is how I did it."
.
.
11:30 What have I called her before? I like her real name too. Well, I will call her Cissie. Is that in any way a Hispanic name? I don't think so. Anyway, Cissie goes to the worst school I have seen. She was held back in 6th grade last year, was doing much better with younger-than-herself peers, until she got kicked up to 7th grade anyway, a setback for her. So today Cissie told me she failed two classes, thinks she will be held back again. I guess that she won't mind and she tells me, true, she won't mind at all. Since she is only in 7th grade, I ask her if she thinks she will make it through high school. She looks at me in a way I know she is really thinking, will be honest with both of us, and she tells me 'no.' I understand. That is my opinion too.
.
.
Cissie and I play "Pick Up Sticks" and then Crazy Eights on the dining room table. A year ago there were only beds and a couch in the house. We are in rare form today: we laugh and delight in sticking it to one another. This is a hyperactive, good kid. She trusts me. Her family life has improved way for the better in the past year. I think it will be a good summer for her.
Enough time to buy a cup of coffee and eat an apple, cheese, a peanut butter chocolate bar.
.
.
1:00 As I type this, I just realize this is a day for 14 year olds. I only have 3, and I am seeing them all in a row.
.
.
I see S--- at her house today, at the kitchen table with her Mother. The family is under hard stress and worry: S---'s father needs heart surgery. It will be risky. he is old and can barely walk from room to room. And there are problems with S---'s older sister. We are talking about S---'s difficulty controlling her temper when she is mad or hurt or sometimes even misunderstood. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia at a very young age; there are some cognitive challenges around regulating her emotions. Anyway, we three try to talk about it, about what might help, what can be done. I hear some things that are good to be able to say outloud." S---- doesn't ever give any pats on the back, but I think the three of us did good today. I like that.
.
.
3:00 I am at a meeting for a little 7 year old guy who lost his mother two years ago and is now in his third foster home, this time without his younger brother. Before this, he is bright and well mannered in school; not so much so if the environment is chaotic. He is so sad, says he couldn't stay there any more because he was 'bad', says he misses his foster Mother and wants to see her. The meeting is because he has suddenly begun to act up in his first grade class. He is agitated and even wild sometimes. I have only seen him like that once before in almost two years. The meeting is what to do, can he stay where he is?, a new foster Mother who seems nice, not that that lessens all the losses. I have to rush out, but I say clearly, several times: "stability, stability" ..."keep him where he is now, I fear he will numb out totally if there is another change now."
.
.
4:00 pm Addie's driving test. I am a wreck myself. I rush to the DMV, have to show my license and registration, prepare to sit behind her while she drives my car (I didn't think about her actually driving in traffic--can she really drive?). The test is stressful. Addie is nervous and her parallel parking is not good. But still, I thought she passed. But she didn't. The Registry Woman told her she could take the test again right away, told her she was only allowed to make three mistakes and she made six (not letting a pedestrian cross first; letting the front wheels touch the crosswalks.) I feel badly. I offer to drive Addie home, encourage her to treat herself to that Chinese take out anyway. She is a good kid. She needs some adults who will help her. Her teachers want to do that for her. Me too.
.
.
Addie asks me if I would do this (going with her) for all my clients. I don't hesitate: 'No." She is a smart, protective shield tough kid. She says, "You do nice things for people." It is as much a question as a statement. I answer, "Yes, I try. I think I do."
.
.
I buy groceries. I visit my Mom. I am fascinated by my day.
.
.
************************************
.
I probably won't be around until Sunday night. I might find a computer to sneak into, who knows? Think of me in Vermont: I think it will be a great time. Think of me having lunch with Ms. Studio Lolo.
.
.
And if you think of me, you can be sure I will here and there think of you too. It's turning out that way. :)
.
Love
kj

24 comments:

  1. You are some woman, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for walking me through your day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. barbara, TSUP! thank you. you're welcome.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'd have cried - 'I believe I can Fly' is a favourite tear jerker of mine! By the way, I think you really do do nice things for people!

    ReplyDelete
  4. caroline, i feel the same way about that song. to see these often underprivileged kids singing a song of such hope and such power, it hit me before i knew it. i TRY to be nice. you do too.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. That is a day. Bless your heart kj for all that you do. Every school, every child deserves a kj of it's own.
    Have a wonderful time in Vermont! How great that sounds...
    love, lori

    ReplyDelete
  6. A bit busy day, you can call it :-))) But I am just joking. KJ, you are the best thing for those kids to happen in their lifes. I admire you for it. Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy!
    Good news about Stella, I am glad.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A bit busy day, you can call it :-))) But I am just joking. KJ, you are the best thing for those kids to happen in their lifes. I admire you for it. Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy!
    Good news about Stella, I am glad.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amazing day. You have super energy for sure. have a wonderful weekend and how special to have Studio Lolo to take care of yr sweet doggie.

    ReplyDelete
  9. lori, here's wishing you a great weekend too. i think every grownup deserves a lori of its own!

    wieneke, hello dear friend@! i WISH i were the best thing for those kids. i'm not enough. but i know what i do do counts. xoxo

    suki, super energy? sometimes yes and sometimes no. but thanks for thinking that. and yes, ms. studio lolo is a coming calling! stella has no idea how pampering her weekend will be!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Unbelievable what kids have to go through today; I don't know how there are not more on the streets. I see broken families here, drugs, school systems that just pass by anyone who can't cut muster.....no parenting. YIKES.
    Could not do your job KJ.
    Have a fun weekend the two of you!!!

    XXOO!!
    Anne

    P.S. Tell Emily to behave while Lolo is there.....

    ReplyDelete
  11. KJ, I have said it before - but you are really an Angel. It was not by chance you and Renee met.

    You have this amazing ability to give Love in it's truest form....to everyone who needs it.
    (And these days, it's most of us.....)

    Safe trip to beautiful Vermont.
    I know you and JB will have a creative and fun time!

    Lo, enjoy your "quiet" time with the wonderful Stella. You will both be good for each other.

    Emily - behave, please. (As much as you can!)

    Love,

    ♥ Robin ♥

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow. You sure do pack a lot into one day! And you get so much done in an hour. Amazing woman you are.
    I do think of you and your kids, I think of Stella and JB. I think you did a wondeful and right thing by helping that dear girl take her driving test. You and JB have a grand time and kiss that Lo for me, you have the best pet sitter ever.
    Love.
    P.S. My verification word is jokolyho, sounds like joy to me :-)
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Well, here I am sitting at your house in the guest room an Janet's computer! How wonderfully weird!!

    Stella and I just got back from a walk in the park. I think I screwed up the route :P but she still took care of business. TMI!

    Anyway, like I said when I arrived, the work you do is amazing. Your heart knows no boundaries when it comes to being there for these kids. You're amazing, unselfish, loving, thoughtful and kind.

    I believe you can fly!

    xoxoxo
    Love,
    Lo

    ReplyDelete
  14. Indeed really do 'nice things for people'' and not just your clients. You're an angel, really and so lucky that you have a line of work that really makes a difference. I'm proud to call you friend.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so very glad to hear someone's dog is on the mend. :-)

    Have a fantastic time in VT!

    ReplyDelete
  16. kj - You are my hero. :) People like you make the world go round. :) I am on vacation with the fam for the next week, and away from computers and such, but I will touch noses with you when I get back. You, my dear, are amazing! xoxo! Pam

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh, kj,,,what a day! Some of it wrenches my heart. Thanking God that you are there for these kids.I know you say it's not enough, but sometimes it could be. Remember what is grown from a tiny acorn?
    Hoping you & JB have a great time, and I'm glad Stella has such a great playmate this weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Tsup*!* You ride an emotional roller coaster each day Kj and I'm glad for you that kids like Addie recognise the extra bit you give.

    Hope you had a great time in Vermont*!*

    ReplyDelete
  19. I know I've mentioned to you before KJ about a woman who has had a huge and lasting impact on my life. J was my teacher, and the very first person to ever tell me that I was/am wonderful (aged 12 or 13). Even now I can't describe how that felt, but I remember it so vividly. Strange confusion and elation at the same time.

    I am so lucky that we became and are friends to this day.

    The thing is that what you do makes a difference. Not just now, not just in these childrens' present lives (as if that weren't enough!). You are breaking the patterns, helping them to create better futures for themselves.

    I hope you're having fun at the farmhouse. xx Jos

    ReplyDelete
  20. lo's with stella, what a wonderful pair they must be. what a perfect person to doggi sit.

    ReplyDelete
  21. That's a huge day!

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend away from the computer totally absorbed in country life.

    love to you
    robyn

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi Kj, so lovely to hear from you and you are so brave writing me a message while I show my mouth, not a pretty site.
    I was held back in school twice. When young and wrote backwards because I was left handed. Then in the third year of middle school, due to a teacher thinking I wasn't very bright and I drew in a corner. Amazingly I could draw owl birds from memory which I cannot do now, so weird. So I slowed right down and found it hard with academic studies. Then four months before I left school I suddenly clicked and moved up a couple of grades in a few classes.
    You let Cissie know not to worry about her studies as it will come to her. I think she maybe a creative person and academics studies contradict the thoughts running through our brains.

    Loads of love to you both!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  23. Each day we get up, not really knowing what the day will bring us, but we go on with the hope that we will make one persons day a little better by our presence in the world.

    I have to say, you do that and then some. You are also loved and appreciated, and it shows.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete