Wednesday, April 21, 2010

'Someone's Dog'

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You know how there are some wake-up moments in life when you can't pretend or hope anymore? Some months ago I had one of those moments lying on the floor with my dog Stella.
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Stella came to our home with a broken back. She had been rescued from the streets after a few months of what I imagine for her was utter confusion. It took almost two years before we could touch her without her tightening up. She is the first dog I have ever had who has a real dog bed, bought to make her orthopedic problems more comfortable. It is her safe haven and she loves it.
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Maybe because of her orthopedic problems or because she had never been a house dog , you have to lie down on the floor with Stella to cuddle and get physically close. Sometimes I just lie there with her, rubbing her neck and ears, and I tell her that she is forever safe and loved here. I tell her there will always be cookies.
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I remember someone else lying down with Stella. She had been afraid of dogs and she and Stella broke bread together in that lovely dog-human sort of way. I remember how gentle Stella was with her each time, how sweet and soft and patient.
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One day Stella stopped being Stella and instead was called 'someone's dog'. When I saw her referenced in that way, first I froze in disbelief and then I reluctantly understood.
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"She called you 'someone's dog." I am lying beside Stella on the floor on her bed and I whisper, "Stella, you are a wonderful dog. I won't let words like that find me anymore."
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Today Stella underwent tests for a small lump in her leg and a sudden limp that hasn't gone away. It is a mast cell tumor which must be removed. She is an old girl and we are not yet certain that the cancer has not spread, but we are told she has a reasonable chance for an excellent recovery.
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Before the test results were back, I spent today worrying about the worse possibility. I am hopeful tonight and we will take it one step at a time.
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I lay with Stella again tonight, we two stretched out on her bed, and I remembered that other moment. "'Someone's dog', my ass", I said. She will never be 'someone's dog'. She is Stella, MY dog. She is loyal to the ends of the earth and I maybe that's why I love dogs so much. In my world loyalty has the weight of gold. Within reason. Dogs know that. And so do I.
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30 comments:

  1. I love Stella too!

    I love dogs kj and I too have a beautiful much loved old hound... soon to be 16.

    I'm sending big love to you you and Stella and I know she's gonna be ok.

    xoxoxo Robyn

    PS... on more than one occasion I've had a silly vet tell me that a dog of mine was worse for wear... rarely were they right.

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  2. oh sweetie dog, kj's dog stella. i'm going to hug my little owen right now, i am head over heels for him. dogs are the best.
    please be okay stella.

    love you both,
    lori

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  3. oh! look who's here! two of my very favorite people! two fellow dog whisperers! two creative souls! two wonderful friends! two plus me, so we are three!

    robyn, thank you. my rosie developed a tumor and we lost her in less than 2 weeks, so i am ultra sensitive. but i think it's gonna be okay. ♥

    lori, you are totally head over heels in love! thank you for your wishes. i think your wishes count double. ♥

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  4. PS...
    I forgot to say that I love love your new pic up top ;)

    x

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  5. robyn, did you see emily's ears in that new picture? :)

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  6. Sweet Stella, what a marvel she is, and most definitely YOUR dog. I will keep her in my prayers (and you, too).

    Really love the new blog header and name. Delightful.

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  7. Dear Karen, Your 'self portraits' up the top right are a tonic! I'm so pleased you and Stella 'found' the treasure that is each of you. And your words - I won't let words like that find me anymore - carry such wisdom. I'm going to write them down now.... My love to you and a gentle stroke to Stella.

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  8. Anyone named Stella has their own star-angel watching out for them. She's gonna be fine and she loves you. She is Your Dog.

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  9. Oh, I love Stella! And I so hope Your Dog will be okay. I love my two dogs in a way that I can't completely explain. I'll leave it at one word: friendship. Defined: "the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis." Nuff said. Please give Stella a cookie from me. xoxo Pam

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  10. Oh, she looks so very sweet! And I know just how you feel - I am crazy about our dog and was crazy about our two first dogs. There's a special bond between dogs and their humans - at least for us there is. Winslow and I will keep you and Stella in our hearts!! Much love, Silke

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  11. i'm not sure whether i knew you had a dog at all. now i do and my heart breaks for you and her tsup!

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  12. you are both lucky to have each other...she is a precious girl, and no doubt she understands that she is loved and belongs with you.
    I'm so happy that she found a good home.
    prayers that everything turns out alright for her.
    xoxo
    betty

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  13. I like the advice from your vet KJ. According to me (with 36 years of experience and opinions) she's right on with her plans.
    I'll keep Stella in my prayers.
    I'll also lie on the floor with her when I come over and I'll give her 2 cookies ;)

    I know you'll do all you can for Stella, your sweet girl.

    I'm here too, for what it's worth.

    xoxoxo
    ♥♥♥ Lo

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  14. Stella! Kj's dog, lovely Stella. I know what this waiting and wondering is like, I have 3 animals who are not in the best shape. All you can do is your best and give it to God. I will be sending love and healing and big hugs and kisses to all of you, JB too.
    Love. xoxo

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  15. Dear Stella, you are BEAUTIFUL, you are LOVED, LOVED, LOVED.....and I think KNOW you know this. Your two Moms gave you their hearts a while back and every day they spend with you means so much to them. You are - STELLA - you are, as your name means, a STAR! Never forget that.

    I am saying many prayers that all goes smoothly and that you are better asap. Your FAMILY needs you to be in their world for many more years.

    Many kisses and gentle hugs from your "Auntie Robin". An d tell KJ, I am sending her a hug and kiss too.

    ♥ Love, ♥

    Robin

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  16. KJ, this was the best writing I've read by you. Of course, I'm a dog lover, and I understand what it's like when they're sick and also when they die. I also understand the comfort they bring when they're alive. You might remember that Bonnie was sick at Xmas time, and for two weeks hung so near death that I had to observe her closely to tell that that she wasn't dead. That was right after my surgery, and Peggy was away. It was a hard time.

    Look, I cry for you and for Stella. We can but hope she will be okay. I also remember Renee and remind myself that all things, all events, and all beings, pass away.

    "In my world loyalty has the weight of gold."

    Yes. This goes for people and for dogs, but dogs are ever so much better at it.

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  17. thank you, everyone. i was scared and sad yesterday so today i am relieved and hopeful.

    for me this is a story about love and loyalty and i thank you for understanding.

    love
    kj

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  18. Hello, kj dear,
    You and Stella are so lucky to have each other!!! I'm hoping she will be OK and you'll have many more happy years together. Beau sends her his love too.
    Love and hugs,
    xoxoxo
    Angela

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  19. I'm glad you're hopeful KJ. I so hope you are right and that Stella will be OK. Warmest hugs to you. xx Jos

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  20. KJ, please forgive me for not stopping by in so long. There for awhile, it was just enough to put up a post or two each week...then I got VERY, very sick again and landed in the hospital. I am gaining strength again and trying hard to get caught up in the blog world again with my favo peeps.

    I started reading through the stories on Renee's blog, too. I plan to send something in soon. Please bear with me and thank you for your love, patience, and support.

    Much love and hugs!

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  21. If love could take away everything that ails us, some of us would be like Stella, healthier and frisky.
    Stella is your dog and you are her human. And those who cannot understand the loving relationships between humans and dogs are missing a great, simply complicated side of life.

    There is something both primitive and thus divine involved in the silent communication and the proofs of love and loyalty between a human and a dog. Dogs love deeply and sincerely and tug at one's heart with silky iron ribbons. We adore ours, and not just for that reason I understand your fears. At my age I don't believe I had lived for long without a dog by my side. The ones who went to the Elysian Fields took a part of my heart with them and so...Stella will be fine. And she knows she is loved. She knows.
    Give her a hug for me and from McKenzie and Alliah who wish her no pain and a prompt recovery.

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  22. Dogs are far superior to humans on the whole. They love unconsitionally, are faithful till the end and are always happy to see you.
    Stella was most fortunate to come into your life and be part of your family. Not *Someone elses dog*---YOUR FAMILY.
    That's just how it is, and I hope she will be okay.

    Big doggie hugs and tail wags.....

    Anne

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  23. No argument here from a dedicated doggy person. She's beautiful and I'm sure her surgery will at least make her more comfortable. I'm glad someone else talks to their dog! I'd be lost without mine, but I'm very glad she can't gossip!

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  24. OG KJ, what a rollercoaster post this was. I went from all kinds of emotions.....
    From a happy heart to a Oh no.......

    I do hope Stella will be allright and that you will hear good news....
    I will keep stella in my heart............

    ♥♥♥
    >M<

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  25. Oh my goodness kj, prayers for you and Stella - I really teared up with this one - animals are so dear to me and most especially dogs (I'm sure you knew that), and most especially rescue dogs. Cosmo was on the street when he was brought to the vet down in GA - tons of problems - won't get into it now, but he was being treated for six months before he was fit to travel up here for adoption. Then after all that he was bleeding from his behind and had a small tumor in his rectum. He had it removed last Feb., it was benign, but we were all really scared for him, especially after all he had already been through - you think, "can't this sweet dog have some peace!?". Even after the surgery he was bleeding for awhile and we took him back to the vet a few times. Still not sure exactly why it kept happening, but must've been some sort of irritation that resolved. Now he's a therapy dog ministering to the sick. Oh our furry angels!

    xoxoxo Susan

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  26. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful and touching post. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and Stella. With the challenges she's faced up to now, she seems like a real fighter so I'm sure that she will overcome this new hurdle as well.

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  27. I don't understand that 'someone's dog' part, but I wish your lovely dog Stella a good and speedy recovery after the operation. I hope you and JB will have her many more years to come, KJ.
    (I am always a little upset about dogs I know which have healthtroubles. Stella is a blogdog and she is a bit of us all, or what?)

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  28. I send healing thoughts and prayers yours and Stella's way.
    What a beautiful dog!

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  29. Oh, poor Stella. But you're right - she sin't someone's dog - she is a loved dog and she is yours.

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