Saturday, December 05, 2009

Six Word Saturday: Be Your Own Piece of Peace

Artwork by Chintsala

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors. Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny. M.K. Gandhi
.

I came across this quote on Facebook yesterday at about the same time I read my daily dose of Dear Abby (which by the way is now called Dear Margo.) Both got me thinking: Okay already--I know my happiness is in my own hands. I know I can choose to lean toward healing and helping and away from hurting and blaming. Theoretically, I know this 100%. Of course Gandhi is right. End of case. But do I hold on and act from this place when I most need to? Ha! So when I read Dear Abby aka Margo's column yesterday it was none too soon. The column was entitled:
.
Words to remember to help fight fair.
.
Perfect.
.
I'll take some of that. In fact, I'm sharing my portion.
.
God and everyone else knows the holidays are stressful; even when they're good, they're stressful. It's no crime to want to punch Uncle Billy in the nose for his table manners, tell Sister Sally you've had enough of her whining, react in shock and indignation because your partner and your kids overlook something that matters monumentally to you.
.
So when (and let's face it: it's when, not 'if") you find yourself in holiday conflict, here's some practical advice, above and below, from a couple gurus plus me:
.
By way of Gretchen Rubin at http://www.happiness-project.com/, Dear Margo, & yours truly kjbabe:
.
Phrases to keep your significant other conflagrations on the down-low:
.
Please try to understand my point of view.
.
Wait, can I take that back?
.
You don't have to solve this--it helps me to just talk to you.
.
This is important to me. Please listen.
.
I overreacted.
.
I see you're in a tough position.
.
I can see my part in this.
.
I hadn't thought of it that way before.
.
I could be wrong.
.
Let's agree to disagree on that.
.
This isn't just your problem; it's our problem.
.
I'm feeling unappreciated.
.
We're getting of the subject.
.
You've convinced me.
.
Let's take a break for a few minutes. (note: this is one of the best when tempers flare)
.
Please keep talking to me.
.
I realize it's not your fault.
.
That came out all wrong.
.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
.
What are we really fighting about?
.
How can I make things better.
.
I'm sorry.
.
I love you.
.
.
And, at no extra charge, against my better judgement, the final word goes to Ms. Emily Rabbit:
.
It's me, Emily. Just in case, I keep it simple and say this:
.
It's all your fault!
.
I am innocent!
.
Give me a present and I'll forget everything.
.
BAAHAHABAAHAABOOHOOBAAHAABOOHOO.
.
Happy weekend.
Love
kj

30 comments:

  1. I've always loved that Ghandi quote.

    Dear Margo??? MARGO?????? WTF?
    Just because Abigail Van Buren died doesn't mean she can't live on in a newspaper column!

    I think money issues make the holidays stressful even if you don't normally HAVE money issues. It's all just too much either in the way of spending or others expectations.

    I do love gifting people though ;)

    Hey Emily, great advice!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha I think "Lets agree to disagree" 'is my mantra! Although I don't find anything stressful about Christmas other than the shopping . . .It's after Christmas when the credit card bill comes in that I lose the plot!

    Go Emily, yeh give me a present and I'll forget everything too!

    ReplyDelete
  3. lo, margo is abby's daughter, or so i'm told. and actually she gives good advice, so much better than the 'dear annie' composites who replaced ann landers.

    baino, a present will do it, huh? hmmmmmm. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just love how emily gets to the gist of everything! lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh no i see i have missed a whole lotta world happening on your blog in this past week. somehow i am just getting bogged down (not blogged down) with school and end of term activities and my atcs. will catch up soooooon lotsa love coming your way today.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I needed to see this today. Thank you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. barbara, emily cannot keep her wiggling nose out of anything even remotely 'advice-y' xoxo

    thank you soul, i know you've been busy. i hope all is well with you. xoxo

    nichole, i think of you often and will be glad to see you in january.xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey I'm with Emily. It's never my fault and all can be assuaged with a present wrapped in ribbons and pretty paper. :) Love the phrases you write out. Will try to be aware.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Margo,,,who knew??

    All you've written here is certainly excellent life advice,,,it's the living of it that's the hard part.
    Especially when it's so much more natural to want to do it Emily's way.
    Maybe in the New Year we'll all do better. I always plan to try, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are just tooooo funny KJ!
    My family has had a falling out so it's just husband, son and myself...

    There's just way too much craziness during the Holidays... I try to not be apart of it the best I can....

    I loved this post!
    Pattee

    ReplyDelete
  11. I LOVE this post KJ...and urs too emily smooches...

    xoxoxoxoxox Im taking that Gandhi quote.

    xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  12. suki, somehow i don't see you and emily acting in the same manner. !

    babs, THE NEW YEAR?! babs, the time is NOW! the place is HERE!
    :)

    pattee, 'step out of the way.' that's a wise thing to do. i'm sorry about the falling out and i'm glad you have your son and husband--family... (i'm sending love your way!)

    sonia, take that gandhi quote and hold it dear to your heart's content! and our pattee knows what she's talking about too!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my, words to try and live by. My mom and sis aren't getting along right now, so I sent the words to them...

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love this post :-). We all try, we fail, we keep trying and sometimes do. Love you, xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  15. teri, it's tough to get along! i hope this helps your mom and sister. i hope it helps me! xoxo

    annie, yup. love you too. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  16. I see the wisdom in this but right now am going with Emily's approach. Actually, I'm adding " I'm going to bed!" to her list.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Political correctness, eh? Give Emily a big hug from me :-)))) I like her style.

    ReplyDelete
  18. mark, aaw, that kind of a weekend, eh?

    mim, emily says to tell people, 'suck an onion!' just passin' on what she told me to tell you...xo

    wieneke, emily is getting too much encouragement. xo

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't think Christmas always has to be so stressful.

    Why do people go crazy?

    Love Renee xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great Quote. Quotable quote...and snippets.

    Thanks for the reminder...

    ...but I AM right!

    ReplyDelete
  21. renee, i think the stress is about wanting the holiday to be something it probably never was. dreams and wishes fight mightily sometimes and christmas is one of those times. oh, and choosing all those gifts...

    hello linda, so you're in emily rabbit's camp. good to know!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. My new mantra is "keep out of the middle" and also "retreat when necessary".

    ReplyDelete
  23. On the down low? Am I the only one with a fithy read on that?

    Sometimes anger is needed but when the goal is to resolve a conflict, its useful to be mindful of the words you choose.

    ReplyDelete
  24. debra kay, both excellent. xo

    cs, the down low filthy? ha! are you thinking of pole dancing or what? :) actually, it's not my phrase: it came with the advice. and yes, i think you're the only one with a filthy read on this one but that's okay. maybe even more than okay... :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am not stressed at all. Of course, I'm not cooking and all the festivities will be somewhere else. I can bend over backwardw in that case.

    But, in my house, my rules apply. See how easy that is?

    Emily, you go girl.

    ReplyDelete
  26. dear kabbymargoj,

    i like it. you are too smart. i hope i never have to use any of these, but j.i.c. these are good to know. thank you.

    dear emily,
    what about the frozen peas? is it ever ok to throw them while crying it's all your fault?

    love to you both,
    lori ♥

    ReplyDelete
  27. linda, i am not stressed either (yet). in my house my rules apply too but that gets me about five cents. :)

    lori, it's kabbymargoj, you hope you never have to use them?! what??? no conflict in your holidays? whaaaat??! :)

    lori, it's me emily. when you are crying it's all your fault, you should throw either frozen arichoke hearts or frozen brussel sprouts. you need something bigger than the peas to make the point.
    okay? i hope you try it. e.r.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ahem. Men who have heterosexual public lives but secretly have sex with other men are on the down low.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I loved reading this quote by Ghandi...such truth to live by.
    Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

    And thanks too for coming to my blog tonight. I am tired now, too tired to see much/read much right now, but I will be back, and thank you so much for the personal invitation. I am honored.

    ReplyDelete