Friday, October 30, 2009

kj Has Recent & Erotic Book Reading


Scene 1: kj, Lolo, and Debra Kay have finished an excellent Sunday brunch in Provincetown. They take an easy stroll along the bay side of the ocean, greeting dogs and their owners every which way. In particular they meet an interesting and genteel woman who turns out to be a Poet Laureate. She is staying at a first floor condo directly on the bay beach until December, writing another book. Kj tells her she (kj) is also a writer.
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Scene 2: Debra Kay emails the Poet Laureate and invites her to join kj’s book reading the following day. Meanwhile, kj is mulling over the chapter excerpts she will read. This is Women's Week in Provincetown and kj has written a love story about two women who belong together despite many challenges. She has been invited by a local bookstore to read along with two other authors.
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Scene 3: Lolo and Debra Kay help kj make final decisions about her reading and listen to her run through.
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Scene 4: kj, Lolo, and Debra Kay arrive at the reading venue. A large, dark and well maintained room has been set up at a women's club. There are three stools with three microphones at the front of the room. kj sits on the middle stool, sandwiched by the two other authors who will also read excerpts. kj is excited and a little nervous. There are approximately fifty attendees, including Lolo and Debra Kay. kj sees the Poet Laureate arrive and they quickly and formally nod to one another.
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Scene 5: The author to kj's right tells kj that she writes erotic lesbian literature but she has toned it down for this reading. She laughs. Kj turns to the author on her left and asks what kind of literature she will read. "Erotic lesbian fiction," she replies. kj begins to realize she may have misunderstood the event.
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Scene 6: The author to kj's right begins. She is animated and comical. She reads something along the lines of: “Every cell in my body was on alert from that electrified embrace. She grabbed my head and pulled me close, so that I could feel her breasts, hipbones, and torso. I got carried away, and so did she. The cheering sounded distant and muffled. I felt every lick and suck as if it was happening to my crotch. I couldn’t help the way my entire body responded. I didn’t stop her. I had to have it like morphine after a self-inflicted wound. There was no turning back. And then I let go. I came hard."
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Scene 7: kj steels herself to keep a straight face. When it is her turn, she introduces herself by saying she hopes it won't seem as though she's reading the dictionary. She reads the story of Alex and Lily in three small chapters, and the audience applauds. Kj mumbles a prayer under her breath and steels herself for author # 3.
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Scene 8: Author # 3 is a woman in her 70's who has written about two college cheerleaders, or something like that, one of which is named Laurie, and both of which are facing issues of their own infidelity. kj looks straight ahead as author # 3 reads with the enthusiasm and animation of emptying a wastebasket.
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Scene 9: The reading is over and kj rejoins her friends. They cannot keep a straight face. They do not know when the Poet Laureate left. kj would be mortified if it weren't so hilarious. "I had no idea..." she said several times.
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Scene 10: kj sells three books and the Author to kj's right sells ten books. kj is surprised, but not defeated. In fact, kj is illuminated. "I'm a serious writer," she tells her friends. "Who knew?"
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Scene 11: Non stop laughter ensues for the rest of the day and into the night.

40 comments:

  1. Yes indeed so funny!
    You described it so I could see it and was there.

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  2. Oh how embarrassing and mortifying to have invited an eminent guest and then have it all go pear-shaped. Well done for not creeping out of the door and being able to laugh about it. Best way of course.

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  3. I read on a near weekly basis and to be honest I am not that enamored of them who have to go to the erotic to capture an audience.

    I'd personally would rather be told of the scene leading to the embrace than the embrace itself. then I can either find myself enthused and a part of what follows or not as my own intellect decides.

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  4. "kj begins to realize she may have misunderstood the event."

    Ha ha!! I'd say!

    (And see, that author was explicit! The things I say don't hold a candle to her words.)

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  5. What a hoot and how embaressing simultaneously. Thank goodness you were with mates to hold you up laughing afterwards.
    xx

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  6. I wouldn't have needed lights on. I'd have been able to read by the glow of my face!

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  7. I agree w/fyre bird. a hoot and also embarrassing and maybe even more...disappointing. But it makes a great story afterwards. :)

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  8. I think my squirming was so obvious! Not from the high school-esque eroticism, but from their horrific writing!!
    I was literaly in pain for you (and myself!)

    I'm still laughing though. Still laughing!

    xoxoxo

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  9. oh how i would've loved to be there, what a hoot, roflol times three (for the three you sold). is this your new book? when can i buy it?

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  10. I can't stop giggling! I think I would have lost it, if I had been there. They would have sent me out of the room. What a ridiculous situation you found yourself in! But you handled it well.

    I wonder what the poet was thinking. I wonder if you'll run into each other again.
    :0)
    Hugs,
    xoxoxo
    Angela

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  11. Oh KJ.....

    You shall laugh about this or maybe write about it in next book...Erotica is about the style..Not just blatent sex....

    Love your style and seriousness...Think seriousness should first...the story the plot...a connection with the characters...

    But it was fucking hilarious....

    xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

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  12. Tsup*!* I hope Miss Emily was tucked up at home or if she was in your bag you had time to tie her ears ;)

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  13. Scene 5 - fell of my chair laughing!!! OMGosh, too funny. So sorry **she said through giggles** SPC Ryan looks quite lovely on your blog. Thank you for honoring him and all those who serve.

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  14. marianne, i wish you WERE there!

    somerset, pear-shaped! that is a good description. i couldn't creep out. i was sandwiched up front!

    mark, no surprises here regarding your preference and esteemed respect for writing.

    citizen: how true! :)

    fire byrd, my mates did a fine job of holding me up. they did that mostly through their laughter!!!

    middle, you bet! but i had to look professional up there! :)

    suki, not disappointing at all. it was too funny to be disappointing. and every experience likes this gives learnings and lessons. xo

    lo, heeheeheeheeheehee. me too! xo

    soulbrush, no, this was for 'the light stays on.' i've really only begun to promote it. the new book will take months. but i love it all--no rush. xo

    angela, i can TELL you what the poet was thinking: something like 'holy s---: what am i doing here?!' i am thinking of sending her a complimentary copy of my book and a letter of explanation!!
    and yes, angela, you would have laughed after you sized up if i was okay...! xoxo

    sonia, it WAS fucking hilarious! it really was. at the time i wanted to shrink into my seat but it's a good story and worth it. i thought i'd be appearing with kate clinton or another writer like her since i did the book readings with her this summer. oh well, sweet friend--i'm fucking fine!!

    annie, emily was out playing with gregory squirrel, thank goodness. at least i think she was... xoxo

    deb, fall off your chair. go ahead and fall off again! that is a perfectly correct reaction!!

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  15. marianne, i wish you WERE there!

    somerset, pear-shaped! that is a good description. i couldn't creep out. i was sandwiched up front!

    mark, no surprises here regarding your preference and esteemed respect for writing.

    citizen: how true! :)

    fire byrd, my mates did a fine job of holding me up. they did that mostly through their laughter!!!

    middle, you bet! but i had to look professional up there! :)

    suki, not disappointing at all. it was too funny to be disappointing. and every experience likes this gives learnings and lessons. xo

    lo, heeheeheeheeheehee. me too! xo

    soulbrush, no, this was for 'the light stays on.' i've really only begun to promote it. the new book will take months. but i love it all--no rush. xo

    angela, i can TELL you what the poet was thinking: something like 'holy s---: what am i doing here?!' i am thinking of sending her a complimentary copy of my book and a letter of explanation!!
    and yes, angela, you would have laughed after you sized up if i was okay...! xoxo

    sonia, it WAS fucking hilarious! it really was. at the time i wanted to shrink into my seat but it's a good story and worth it. i thought i'd be appearing with kate clinton or another writer like her since i did the book readings with her this summer. oh well, sweet friend--i'm fucking fine!!

    annie, emily was out playing with gregory squirrel, thank goodness. at least i think she was... xoxo

    deb, fall off your chair. go ahead and fall off again! that is a perfectly correct reaction!!

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  16. Hilarious kj.

    I would never read the other two, just because to me that kind of book is boring.

    Now yours on the otherhand was wonderful.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  17. Hey....I was there too. Little and cardboard and I was glad cause I hid in Lolo's pocket cause I was so embarrassed cause I'm prissy (according to emily)

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  18. HAHAHAHAHA!!! I wished I was in the audience. Maybe I should have laughed so hard that you did not keep your straight face. What a special event, KJ.

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  19. renee, if you ever did read the other two, i would be questioning if it's you at all! stick with me, moon sister! at least i don't resort to body parts! haha~

    mim, if emily hurt your feelings by calling you prissy, i'll be having a word with her! i know you are not prissy. !

    my dear friend wieneke, i would have loved for you to be in that audience. some day, wieneke, i hope for that very much. xoxo

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  20. I think that what makes this scene embarrassing is that fiction tells a literal story. Being in such a correct group and venue and reading dirctly about human sexuality has to be a bit daunting! In poetry circles, sexuality is used quite often but always as a metaphor. Plus the readings are usually in a dimly lit coffee house. how great to have friends you could have a laugh with after!

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  21. margaret, i have friends i can laugh with! how blessed is that?! i could see them in the audience trying to keep a straight face. i think they didn't know what was going on inside my head and they were trying to behave, but the whole scene was riotious, really!
    xo

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  22. LOL! what a great story. I can only imagine...

    much love

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  23. Oh Gawd. I'd have been mortified but would have stayed for the laughs. Hilarious. . . well that's one laureate you won't be having back for coffee!

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  24. Just checking to see if your survived the day after that evening. Read it again. STILL funny. ♥ Deb

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  25. stacey, i would like to do a book reading with YOU!

    baino, i somehow want to redeem myself with the poet laureate. i'm thinking of how. i'm glad you got a laugh from this. who wouldn't?
    :)

    deb, go ahead, laugh some more. i think truly if you had been in the audience you would have been shocked, entertained, bored, and open for great sympathy and affection for poor me up there trying to be classy. damn, deb, it WAS funny! (oh my poor image...i hope it recovers) xoxo

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  26. I think that will go down in my personal history as one of the funniest things I ever witnessed-only because you did hold it together.

    Lolo and I almost exploded-if one of us had even snickered, it would have been all over and I truly would have felt bad for whoever was reading and moaning and groaning at the time.

    Let it be known I did e-mail a brief oopsie, sorry apology to the poet, and I hope she knows I truly had NO idea....

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  27. debra kay, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! you emailed the poet?? well, then, i should too! maybe i will send her a copy of my book. my non-erotic love story novel. my reasonably well written non-erotic love story novel.

    but i know what you mean, debra kay, it will be one of the funniest times i will think about for a long long time!! xoxo

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  28. OH!! Squeal and squirm! Too funny kj - embarrassing, maybe, but you can dine out on this story for years!

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  29. caroline, how very true!! xoxo

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  30. Funny and so you! Good for you, being able to laugh about it :-).
    xoxo

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  31. Crack me up!
    Do I hear:
    "only you, kj, only you",,,,,???

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  32. renee: boo HOO

    annie, sigh....

    babs, sigh.....

    xoxo

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  33. Did I tell you I ruined the pants I peed in???

    I love the new header ;)

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  34. OMG! i would have fainted.

    Or not been able to stop laughing at the reading!

    Hilarious.But only because you had your friends there with you, other wise, mortifing. Blushing.

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  35. lo, i will pay to have those pants drycleaned or replaced--haha. afterall you did sit through my squirming event and you pretty much kept a straight face (i love you, girlfriend) :)

    oh lori, ms. studio lolo above along with ms. debra kay made the whole ordeal, ah, i mean event, alittle more 'festive'. ! xoxo

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  36. Oh, not the "O" but the kind of O that makes soda come out your nose!

    I remember being at a seminar one time and going to the autotutorial room and listening to a video on "Choosing the Perfect Queen (means female cat used for breeding) and not realizing that all 6 headphones were turned on and others in the room could hear all the sounds of cats breeding while I was oblivious to the fact...I later learned why everyone in the room was staring my way.

    Wish I'd been there, too!

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  37. val, you should have been there! it was worth the airfare--haha! xo

    teri, this is hysterical all by itself. in addition, 'choosing the perfect queen' would be a sellout in the gay and lesbian influenced town of provincetown. you had me laughing from that alone!! ps it's nice to hear from you. hope all is well. xo

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