Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Animal Wednesday: How to Cry: by Emily Rabbit

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First of all, I had a very good week. I got jelly beans in the mail from Ms. Lololo and Ms. Chewy, and my best friend Marianne is sending me a mandala that kj likes so I can sell it to her and then have money to buy whatever I want! Then Ms. Bella is sending me 25 pounds of jellies on a slow boat from China (is China the same as Japan? And did she say 25 pounds?) And Ms. Bella and Ms. Human Being and my best friend Marianne left extra comments so I could reach 50 but I didn't anyway and I don't care because I took the $ 5 from kj even though she didn't know I did. And then I left this 'thank you' on the kitchen floor for the jelly beans and extra comments and it was nice until kj tried to make her coffee and when I yelled at her not to step on the jelly beans she tripped over Stella and messed everything up. I cried for five minutes.
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So far I like writing every week because I am getting a lot of attention and everyone has been nice to me. Well, I think I might irritate a couple of people and normally who cares, but since everyone is mostly nice, I am going to be mostly nice back. Until further notice.
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Since kj made me cry, this week I thought I would give you a lesson in how to cry really well. I notice that grown up people are not good at this. They either pretend they are not crying and try to wipe their eyes with a kleenex or something, hoping nobody is noticing, which is very silly because who wouldn't notice if you are wiping your eyes, or they cry by themselves when no one else is looking, or they cry because they blame themselves for something when they would feel a lot better if they just blamed someone else instead.
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I am very good at crying so here are some tips that will definitely help you:
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Number 1: How to Cry
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1. Take a deep breath because you want to cry from deep in your stomach. If you are going to cry you should do it right.
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2. Start with a BOO-HOO.
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3. Then add another BOO-HOO and then a BOO-HOO-HOO.
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4. Repeat this several times and get louder each time until you sound loud and pathetic at the same time:
BOO HOO BOO HOO BOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO.
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5. Don't stop until you get either enough attention or your way
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6. If someone yells at you, ignores you, or tells you to stop crying, cry louder.
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I guarantee that you will feel better if you cry from your stomach like this. You can also punch a pillow, throw an egg, or bang a pan at the same time you cry because sometimes doing something extra helps even more.
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Number 2: Top 10 Reasons to Cry:
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1. You don't get your way
2. Some mean person hurts your feelings
3. Some nice person hurts your feelings
4. You want candy and you don't have any
5. Someone steals your toys
6. You're supposed to share and you don't want to
7. You're not getting enough attention
8. You get sick and it's not fair
9.You don't want to go to school (or work) (or bed) (or anywhere)
10. Someone tells you you are not nice
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It would be very nice if you could tell me some reasons that you cry. Or if you don't cry, you could tell me some reasons why you should cry even though you don't. I think other people would be interested in hearing your reasons too, and maybe they will like my blog day better if you do that and then maybe kj will give me the $ 5 without threatening me that I don't get enough comments.
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I hope you have a good week and thank you very much for liking me. It makes me think I am a special rabbit, and I like thinking that way.
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Sincerely,
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Emily V. V. Rabbit




36 comments:

  1. Emily I am ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING OUT LOUD (not crying) - you are the funniest rabbit ever and I will take your advice the next time I have something to cry about. What's that??? what do I cry about???
    The moon, the sun,, if it's raining, if it's too sunny, wonderful music, lousy music. friends, lovers (heehee) enimeess...opps spelled that wrong.

    I like to cry and I like to laugh and I hope you do both, and Happy Rabbit Wednesday

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  2. Emily...

    Sometimes just a good cry for no reason because Aunt Flo is coming to visit is a reason to ball for no reason but that everyone is irritating the heck out of ya...A really sad movie may jerk a tear out of ya every so often...And then again some ppl are just highly emotional self absorbed complainers and they over act and carry on for just theatrical repsonses...They are the ones that should be smacked ( ok not smacked maybe figure in throat response)....I told my kids they are the whine asses and we never want to be that type of person.

    So Emily I hope this gets you closer to the 5 bucks, but if not let me know and I will collect a donation and send ya a gift card....Tell KJ to cough it up otherwise...LOL

    Bye Emily thank you for the lesson.

    Smiles,
    Sonia ;)

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  3. mim,if marianne turns out to be a bad best friend, maybe you could be next in line?

    sincerely
    emily

    ps so far marianne is a good best friend. there may not be an opening. i don't want to get your hopes up...

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  4. Hi Emily!
    The mandala is on it´s way.....
    Sorry you cried.
    I don´t cryo much any more. I used to and very much and very often, now most of my tears are cried I guess. Wish I could cry more......
    I can cry with a sad movie or when I hear music.

    I see you have your next best friend in line already. That´s clever! Never bet on one horse, that´s my girl!

    HAW!!!!!

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  5. what good advice emily. i also don't cry anymore, spent a lot of my youth crying, but i think i will start if you don't put me third in line for the position of 'em's best friend'....BOO HOO, hiccup,,,,
    HAW and the best post so far...keep it up (see i know all the right things to say as the third best person in your life!)

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  6. Haha . . .I find stamping the odd foot is very useful when having a tantrum as is chucking a bucket full of water five metres down the garden! Very liberating.

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  7. (wiping my eye) I'm laughing crying right now! Ha-Ha-Ha-Boo-Hoo-Ha-Ha Please keep writing, I enjoy your posts.

    You have lots of candy now, so no crying about that. (wink) 25 pounds more to come? I hope you brush your teeth.

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  8. How darling and funny you are Emily! I cry over all sorts of things, but mostly I cry when I see something beautiful or hear something moving.

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  9. I could cry, and it would get me my way.
    But that feels so shallow.

    I like the idea of foot stamping and tantrum. With your feet it should get fine results.

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  10. Emily you are just too funny. I love it that you are rolling in jelly beans. now... i rarely cry. i just don't. i dont know why. i'd love to be able to cry once in awhile. especially now that i know it might get me my way in things if i keep it up.

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  11. Emily, I think you should talk to KJ about finding an illustrator and turning this entry (particularly the part about crying) into a children's book. One to market and sell.

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  12. sonia, hahaha about the whine asses. that is very funny. maybe you should just send the gift card, except kj told me i cannot use this blog to get presents for myself. i had to beg her so i could mention the jellybeans. she should be nicer to me all the time. i know you agree.
    sincerely yours,
    emily

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  13. marianne, please try my advice and cry. start in your stomach and make sounds. i'm sure you will like it. i told mim not to count on replacing you. because i think you are a very nice best friend. do you think mim might offer me money to change my mind? just wondering... xo to you

    soulbrush, you don't cry either? what do you do instead? i've noticed some people clean their house and other people drink beer. i'm glad i am a good crier. it helps me alot. if you want to be my best friend, i could ask marianne if she would mind maybe one day a week? will that work for you. i am trying to be nice. kj told me i will get more with honey than with vinegar. i have NO idea what that means. i don't like either.

    baino, those are excellent. i can thump my foot and then throw a bucket of water in the front seat of kj's car. do you think that's a good idea? ps are you interested in being a busdriver in bunnyville, because my uncle hoppy owns a bus company and i could talk to him.

    yours truly,
    emily r.

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  14. ms. chewy, i like those winks you do. watch me wink back: wink! thank you for laughing. but what did i say that was funny. i thought it would be good to know. and thank you for the jellies. i ate them all at once. i'm not telling if i brush my teeth or not. it's something rabbits don't talk about usually.

    oh annie, you are a happy crybaby. don't you think that is kind of boring? i like to cry when i want to throw things and get my way. i think you should try that. xo

    babs, shallow? i LOVE getting my way. and crying feels so good. i think you should try it this way again too, babs, and then tell me if it worked and if you felt shallow. because maybe you will feel wonderful instead.

    suki, you don't cry either? jeepers creepers. what's wrong with all of you? who doesn't have a good cry whenever you will feel better after? and if you get your way from it, suki, now really, isn't that a good reason to do it?
    (please try and tell me what happened) xo

    greta jane, oooooooh. i like you VERY MUCH. i like your advice. ooooh...

    citizen, i know what you mean. i almost listed 100 instead of ten. i could have listed more than a hundred too. like, when you get caught stealing from someone's garden....or when your bathing suit top falls off and floats away...

    most sincerely,
    emily v. v. rabbit

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  15. Go ahead rabbit...grab yourself another five...then KJ will have reason enough to cry.

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  16. HAHAHA! Oh, excuse me, Emily. I know you are quite serious, and I thank you for these crying tips. I find it's also useful to throw yourself on the floor and make yourself as heavy as an acme anchor, totally unmovable. Works even better in public.

    Japan, Miss Emily. Japan. I'd be wary about eating Chinese jellybeans. I'm just sayin'.

    And for heaven's sake! I hope you picked up all those jellybeans. Two-second rule, you know.

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  17. Dear Emily, in my country - the Netherlands - rabbits are crying a lot. But they do it with a lot of WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA together with the BOOOOHOOOOO!!! It is a just another approach, but they think it helps better to get what they want. Can I get some jellybeans for this absolutely breaking news? :-)

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  18. HOOT! That is a brilliant post kj - funny and clever and oh so true! In fact, I've just had a wonderful time reading through your last few posts - what a wonderful blog you have. It's an absolute delight and I must become a faithful follower.

    Thank you so much for taking time to visit and read the post about my life-affirming encounter with our magnificent 'cousins' and, especially, for your heartwarming comments.

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  19. lol... and here i thunk wabbits wuved cawwots ;) lol

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  20. walking man, you have very good ideas.

    ms bella, throw yourself on the floor and make yourself unmovable. that is a WONDERFUL idea. you are very very smart. i would like to see you demonstrate this, ms. bella. could you do that for me, once time, please? ps the two second rule does not apply to rabbits. i'm surprised you didn't know. pss i like you very much. i think you would be fun to play with.

    wieneke, WHAAAAAAAAAAA. just practicing, how did i do? ms. wieneke, i asked kj if she would help me send you some jellybeans. she must like you because right away she said of course. so if you send kj your address, she says on her email, i will personally pick out my favorite jellies for you. and i might send you a card too.

    yours truly,
    emily rabbit

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  21. ms tessa, i understand you like gorillas. do you like rabbits too? because i will try to like you if you want to like me.

    wolfie, rabbits love carrots but who in their right mind would choose carrots over jellybeans? ps how come you don't pronounce your words alittle better?

    fondly,
    e.v.v.r.

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  22. tessa, may i step into these comments to thank you for visiting my blog and tell you i shall also become a regular visitor of yours.

    i love your art. just love it.

    xo

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  23. kj it was a good opera wasn't it? I had a lot of fun laughing with my daughters. But my sisters and I laugh all the time too.

    xoxoxo

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  24. See kj you are right. I am always surrounded by loving women. Either them or loving men. xoxoxo

    p.s. I loved emily's jelly bean ploy.

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  25. Oh Moon Sister -- thank you for asking. Just a flu that lasted over a couple of days. Boy, I am so glad I am feeling better now.

    Now back to the men, how much you must love your perfect Mr. Ryan and his ever so perfect brother Mr. Drew.

    Thanks for asking and thanks for caring.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  26. kj I just love Tessa isn't she wonderful. She is also beautiful.

    You are going to have such fun with your friends. How exciting is that.

    Are they staying at your place?

    Have a wonderful mother's day. I know I will.

    You are a real sweetheart kj.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  27. Good night kj. God bless you.

    I'm going to bed now.

    Mother's day we are going to the same restaurant for dinner that we went to for the opera. I love how it is like the orient express.

    Yes, I will get lots of things, I always do and I always appreciate it.

    Especially the beautiful cards.

    What are you going to do?

    Have fun with your friends.

    xoxox

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  28. Emily I practiced your suggestion but bathroom mirror tells me I must have tried too hard - result; ugly cry face, had to hide it behind double strength tissue ... sniff, sigh *!*

    Hope you washed those jellybeans after you had finished writing with them ;)

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  29. Emily, those are good tips on crying. I cry once in a while, especially over sad animal things. I won't tell you any of those stories though!
    Yesterday I had a major meltdown. That's worse than crying!!
    Meltdowns scare me because I feel out of control and I like being in control.
    I went to bed and read a magazine about meditation and felt better!
    Maybe I'll cry today.
    I'll definately cry when I move :(

    But then I'll smile when I see you and KJ!!

    xoxoxo
    Lololo

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  30. lololo, follow bella's suggestions too when you melt and don't forget to melt down on the floor. i think she knows about this. i am being nice to you. can you tell?

    xo
    emily r.

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  31. ms bimbimbimbimbie, why look in a mirror when you are crying? that is a mistake. keep your eyes closed instead and start in your stomach. get louder and louder. i know, ms. bimbimbimbimbie, really, i do.

    yours fondly,
    emily

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  32. HELP!

    BOO-HOO-BOO-BOO-HOO-BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO
    WHAAAAAAAAAAAA-BOO-HOO-HOO-BOO-HOO!

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  33. I cried a lot last week. Here's my sched:
    Day 1: I got dumped
    Day 2: my friend died
    Day 3: someone phoned me and called me a b-I you know.
    Day 4: my cat died
    Day 5: I watched a sad movie
    Day 6: I got reminded that I was a horrible girlfriend
    Day 7: I just started crying for no reason
    Do you have any advice?

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  34. Oh my gosh! I have no idea who you are but you're blog made me cry.

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