Wednesday, November 19, 2008

People I Know: "H"

I was a Consultant where she worked for a couple of years. On my last day, she left a small stained glass jewelry box she had made for me and a card on my desk, just minutes before I headed out the door. The card said “I’d like us to be friends.” That was seven or eight years ago.
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We met again quite unexpectedly two years later at a conference in Florida. She was with her best friend and I was with JB. The four of us had a grand time sunning and funning through the soft sand and warm nights.
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We’re separated by a hundred miles and too little time. Still, “H” manages to sneak away every six months or so and for a couple of days we catch up and wind down. Other times we bring our families together, often in Provincetown, where her thirteen year old son and I rise early and along with our cameras watch the sun rise too.
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She arrived last weekend with a bottle of wine and box of tea. It was on a hard day when I had just left a three year old little girl and her two year old brother. They had not seen their mother since they were taken from her two weeks ago for neglect, and they found comfort in my familiar voice and face. They held on to me and sobbed when I had to leave them. I won’t forget the sound of their sadness any time soon.
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I was telling “H” about this and we got to talking about how few people anyone can really count on in life.
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“How many for you?” I asked her.
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"Not many at all,” She paused, “well, you,” she said. “I consider you someone I can count on,” Then she added, “But that wouldn’t be easy for me to do.”
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“Me either,” I replied.
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We smiled at each other. “You wouldn’t judge me, would you? I’d need to be sure of that,” she said.
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“No, never,” I told her. “And I would need to be sure that you can keep a secret.”
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“Definitely,” she said.
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We both nodded. We smiled again.
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Two friends established two rules:
--no judging
--no telling
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And in that simple exchange, our confirmation and communication was sealed.
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“We should try to see each other more often,” she said.
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“Two times a year for sure,” I replied. “And three would be super.”
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The next day I asked her, “Could I come for Thanksgiving dinner if I had no where else to go?”
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“Of course,” she said.
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Later, I cooked spaghetti and she had four helpings. I made note of that, because it reminded me there's an often unspoken third rule in friendship: notice the little things. That is something I don't want to forget.

10 comments:

  1. Nice friend. . . although my best pal and I haven't even 'established' the rules . . we just know them!

    Four helpings! You must make amazing spag or be a little lean on the servings hehehe ;)

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  2. She's wonderful but you went easy on her. You only asked to see each other twice a year? If that was my friend, I'd demand 12 times a year. :)

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  3. First, I'm sorry about the little ones. I know your job can be hard and draining. I hope you find time to restore yourself when you feel depleted.

    I loved reading about the visit with you and "H." I felt an underlying sadness there though. Maybe it was just mellowness.
    I have a few friends that I may not see for years but I know we'll pick up right where we left off, never missing a beat.
    And noticing the little things...nice. I'm thinking four helpings were to replace a void.
    You're a good friend.

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  4. A very beautiful friendship and text, heartwarming.

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  5. mim, i changed (clarified)the ending because of your 'hmmmm'

    baino, 'h' is a very nice friend. and i've never seen her eat so much. and yses, my spaghetti sauce is four star!

    ces, i have but one special far away friend i would be happy to see 12 times a year...

    studio lolo, you are wise: yes, a certain sadness that it is so hard to be vulnerable, even with good people i love and trust...

    hildegarde, thank you. your comment means alot. xo

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  6. Yes being vulnerable is a scary thing, even with close friends we trust. Spag bol is always a winner!

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  7. What a super friend to have! I like the line about going to her house for Thanksgiving if you had nowhere else to go. :)

    So heartbreaking about the kids ... I'm so glad you're doing what you do ...

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  8. Those poor children :[ [hugs]

    I find it terribly hard to depend on anyone.

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  9. Trust is a tough one. But the friends who neither judge nor reveal your secrets are truly treasures.

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