Saturday, September 13, 2008

Not-So-Dog Days

Hello! After a break from blogging, I'm glad to be back. I've caught up on pruning (words), painting, planting, and planning for the past few weeks, and none too soon. Here in New England the leaves are readying to change to reds and yellows and oranges before they fall, the garden awaits a final harvest, a dozen mum plants finally bring color to the front of the house, and a six foot metal sunflower sculpted by the metal smith in Provincetown is now attached to the left of the garage, where it will tower above the shrubs and future unwelcomed snow.
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I'm in the process of painting three doorway stoops and one baker's shelf. I'm making photo cards for JB's upcoming art fair in our yard (The second annual YART!). I'm finishing the edits of my book and beginning the cover design with a terrific fellow writer named Bill, to whom I am fondly partial. My paid work has mushroomed a bit beyond what I expected and desire, and I've lost sixteen pounds.
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In a nutshell, I'm busy and I'm grateful for that.
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By way of my brother, I am happy to provide some insight into the secret and not-so-secret thoughts of dogs. You'll probably recognize a dog or two you know through the following:
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TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
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Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
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Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
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Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the ' Chrysler Beagle'?
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Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
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Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
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Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
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Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
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Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be agood dog:
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1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
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P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back ?

13 comments:

  1. Ha! There's a nice bit of synchronicty - we re-entered the blogging fray the same day!

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  2. Welcome back KJ. It was very quiet without you. I thought of quitting blogging because I missed you so much. Where are my leaves and trees?

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  3. debra kay, i've been checking your blog and i hope events are coming down. thanks for the welcome back--i appreciate it.

    cs, gotta love synchronicity. it's good to see you riding high in the blog-saddle again.

    dearest ces, i promise you leaves and trees. i am going to travel the back roads just for you. but it's still too early. only a few leaves have begun their changes upon changes.

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  4. Welcome back!!
    *insert warm, fuzzy hugs here*

    ~j

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  5. Hello again KJ. I am just checking to see if you are really back. Tsup! Love, luuv!

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  6. j, always nice to hear from you! any chance of seeing you in january?

    ces, tsup tsup

    how come nobody's laughing at the dog comments?!

    :)

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  7. Welcome back, at least you didn't do an Anonybird on us!

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  8. It seems like you got an awful lot done in a short period of time! Wow are you available? Love that dog piece it is so wonderful :) I have to see if I have what you need in the way of art or I couldwhip something up if need be? Is it for your stories??? Let me know?

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  9. Hello KJ, welcome back in blogland. Congratulations with the 16 pounds you've lost! I've read the dogs prayer to my own two schnauzergirls Yazou and Bella and they agree fully with the contents, apart from the last sentence :-)

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  10. Welcome back!

    I LOVED the dog's letter to G*d - fantastic! :-d

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  11. Thanks for visiting my blog today!

    I've just browsed your blog, and admire your yardwork and photos of your flowers--I love dahlias.

    And I howled at your "Dog to God" post!

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