Saturday, March 29, 2008

Blogland Friends

It's been two years since I began blogging. Early on, in 2006, I wrote the following:
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I'm starting to wonder about connections and friendships from blogging. It's weird to share, to learn about someone, let alone care about them, without knowing them in some other context, or perhaps never meeting, seeing their face, hearing their voice, knowing where and how they live.
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One of the contributors to Illustration Friday has "disappeared"--she hasn't made an entry in weeks, and I find myself worrying about her, wondering what happened. It feels oddly strange that I'd like to know she's ok.
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For a couple of years I was part of a dog group: we'd meet in the middle of a park every day with our dogs; we'd talk, laugh, catch up, philosophize--all this on a first name basis but not much else. Unusually we didn't know each other's last names,about our work selves, homes, kids, backgrounds etc. But we knew what was happening day to day, as we shared stories about the best shoes for sub zero (ughs), places to take our dogs, the murder of sharon's beloved son, and the rearranging of jonatha's music and career. I remember thinking how lovely it was to have relationships based so fully and solely in the present moment.
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Is blogging the same kind of connection? Can you really come to know someone in this way? How are personal boundaries different, if at all? How can you be who you are and yet be discreet in what you share about yourself?
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These are my thoughts on this fine Thursday night. Any comments?
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Update two years later: The blogs have been very good to me. From across unthinkable miles I have been blessed with a best friend and improbable soul mate; I've made another friend who lives within an hour of me who I can joyfully meet for lunch; I enjoy the comings and goings of several of my "Big Yellow" buddies by reading their posts; I have a local friend who I'm getting to know better from her blog, and despite the miles my days are filled with art and birds and humor and wisdom and, yes, okay, it's true: love.
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I'm not going to name names but I can think of at least a half dozen, maybe a full dozen, people that I really care about. Some I will probably meet face-to-face one of these days. Several I root for and care about in deep important ways. They are my friends. It's not the same as friends down the street but these are folks I "speak" to and "hear" from regularly. They make me laugh, they read my poems, they share information and visions, they offer support when I need it. When I'm down and don't post, they often know something's not quite right. If that's not friendship, I don't know what else to call it.
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I'm interesting in hearing how others view their blog "relationships". I'm willing to bet you are as surprised as I am about how damn meaningful they have become.
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And while I'm on the subject, thanks for being here. And there. Not everyone would understand this, but honest to god, if you needed a hand, I'd be gratefully stretching mine out to you. I hope you remember that, just in case....

24 comments:

  1. My blog friends have kept me sane this winter, and that was no small feat! They are important to me, and if one disappears, I am concerned, sometimes I'll email them to make sure they're okay.

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  2. My day truly is not complete until I've checked in with everyone to see if they've posted -- my blog friends are inspiring, make me laugh, give me goosebumps with their talent, warm my heart, make me think, and help me understand when I'm jumbled up. Thank you for being a part of my blogging friend, KJ! :)

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  3. In grad school I was all about virtual communities, education, etc. and the "relationships" that form. Where does a relationship really happen, anyway? In the mind and heart. I can't say that I'm completely unguarded in my blogging-but I try to be as true to myself as I'm willing to share.

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  4. When I was a kid, I had lots of penfriends (or penpals) - to me, blogging is just an elaborate penpal system! One of my penfriends in UK is now a close friend and we have visited each others countries - I am due to visit her in the UK in a couple of years.

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  5. First there was Cristosova, then Lavender then Perriette.

    I have never met these women but they have brought me joys and smiles. They are all very intelligent, lovely and wickedly funny.

    It's funny how we form relations through blogging which is a more intense form of writing penpals. There is a both a sweet and bittersweet side to blogging, it's public and strangers who may not have good intentions are reading your lines.

    I am distracted because now the phone is ringing and it is you!

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  6. rm, i know what you mean, although i don't use email very often--to me that notches up the relationship.

    melissa, i'm not just your blogging friend, i'm also your in-person friend!

    debra kay, i like that my mind and heart accepts a person i come to care about without regard to how he/she looks, where they live or work, etc. i like that alot. i think you do a good job at being your true self in the blogs.

    chief, what a precious friendship that must be.

    ces, i know what you mean. each of the women you've mentioned is special to me too. i miss bibi too. this is the hard part of blogging: you won't "bump into" them at the market or in the workplace--in many cases when the blog link is gone, you've lost the person. myself--i do hope that will not be true of many people i would not want to lose contact with.

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  7. I do the same thing - I worry about people I haven't met in real life, celebrate their joys, grieve their sorrows. And they do the same for me. Blogging has been a real blessing.

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  8. i had a phone meeting with my adviser about my thesis last week and one of the things that she noted about my writing (it is memoir) is that i never say where it is that i'm writing about and she wondered if a reader who didn't know me might want more specific information about that. i told her that i had thought long and hard about that issue, but had decided to keep the place undeclared and explained how being so intensely involved in a blogging community had altered my writing style. i told her about all the incredible friendships that had formed often without ever knowing where, exactly, the other person lived. i've noticed that the important thing isn't about that so much as it is about CONNECTING. and, after all, isn't that why we write? isn't that why we read? we are looking for a connection--and blogging does exactly that. like your dog park friends...there is so much left out and, in the process we are able to truly get to the heart and soul of things.

    i love this idea you have thrown out into the world for us to think about, kj. i can't help but wonder how our lives change when we learn to connect with others on such an honest level.

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  9. My best friends have been found through blogging which is important to me - a huge part of my world! Not only like having had Pen Pals, but it's a bit like passing notes between best friends in a classroom :) It's not even THAT naughty!

    Me being 'anonymous' doesn't worry readers so much as they get to know me. I can still be mysterious which IS me! Mwhahahahhaaaa

    Like you, I AM surprised at how *insert KJ's naughty word* meaningful they can become.

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  10. Before I was interrupted, I wanted to say thanks to you. I still remember your comment to my post which crossed the barrier of blog visitor to "blog friend". I was on my way to the Carolinas. It felt strange but also endearing that someone I did not know would offer kind sentiments to alleviate my grief. I know we do these everyday to anyone experiencing losses, with best wishes, prayers and condolences but the blogs where we can link back has a more personal level.

    My children complained about the time I spent blogging then and my daughter one day told me that I should have named her "Ces'sDaughter.com" and told me I was "such a loser" and my son said that "Bloggers should get a life" when they started to feel that I found a friend through blogging. My family was so full of fear and apprehension when I decided to finally meet my "best friend". Oh well, the saga continues.

    Another part of blogging that has been a blessing is my art. You encouraged me to find the time to paint and draw. You are so dear to me. You are my number fan. I create my best drawings of trees when I am talking to you. I also painted this
    which I would never had the courage to do until I met you. I am grateful for your support and encouragement.

    I have connected with many wonderful bloggers. They are smart, intelligent, funny and creative. What more could be fun. It’s like a party without getting drunk, hugging without the cooties and arguing without the screaming. The only problem, I really want to be in a room when we all laugh. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I met ValGal and Anon. I think I will have palpitations. I really like JoyEliz and Melissa and Milady and Pieterbie and Sidney and Merlin princess…and everyday I meet someone wonderful like Diana Evans and the incredible Sandy Mauldin. I am left awed and floored with some of their imaginations, photographs, humanity, work, writings and then I fell really good.

    I connected with someone more than a couple of years ago through blogland. I always thought he is the best illustrator. His name was Modroom Homosapien and he draw Good Morning
    on September 16th which a certain Anonymous turned into a movie. Now we all know that that Anonymous person is a bird and Modroom is now a captain. What a small world.

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  12. cs, i know. i know.

    jessie, interesting thoughts you'd presented here. you know you are special to me--don't ask me to explain why--but i especially rejoice in your insights and achievements.

    ces, sniff, sniff, sniffle. this is exactly why i love you so much. you are uniquely sweet and loving. i thank the blogs so much for my ability to find you in this wide world. how i too wish we could laugh in the same room with so many other special people.
    xo!!

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  13. Its just terible when a boogger publishess a comment and then discoverz all the mispelings, the impropr tenses, imprper vocabulry

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  14. ces, ces: yuk to a certain word in place of blogger. you know how sensitive i am....

    :)

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  15. I have the best of both worlds, KJ -- you're my friend in-person and in-blog! I like Ces's thought on how cool it would be to be in the room when we all laughed ... how fantastic would that be? :)

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  16. melissa, you know i readily imagine many of us in the same room laughing. do you think anon would ever come? She could disquise herself but wouldn't it be the best thing ever?.....

    :)

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  17. What about when a blogger misses someone's comment? *sniff*

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  18. I might turn up as a blue nude wielding an axe!!! Or a banana ...

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  19. ANON! ANON! ANON!
    i don't know how i could have missed responding to your comment since it was so wonderful and wise. favorite of all. here we are sitting in the back row of our 5th grade class passing notes back and forth--little kj and little anon--and now here we are again sitting in the back row of life still passing notes back and forth.

    :)

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  20. I like the idea of a blue nude wielding a banana.

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  21. You missed my comment because my little note slipped onto the floor and was trodden on by Ces's essay. I'd like to see Ces paint a blue nude wielding a banana now!

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  22. ces' blue nude is hanging on my bedroom wall. i'm going to tape a banana to it tonight and see if it influences my dreams or, more to the point, what effect it all will have on me when i wake up tomorrow morning!!!

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  23. HAHAHHAHHAAAA GREAT! That's better than weilding a banana at the painting :) You know taping banana skin to skin can rid warts KJ? Not that I've ever had any ...

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  24. What a wonderful post and comments!

    My blogging friends are really special to me and also connect me to the places where they live and make the world a more personal space.

    I talk about all of you at home, I will say

    "Melissa said" or KJ, Ces, Anon etc.

    I understand how Ces must feel with the comments from her family. My older children think I am a bit 'sad' for blogging and need to "get a life". LOL

    I can be quite reserved in 'real life' so blogging helps me to get over that and gives me an option to be just me - which is a blessing.

    Thank you all x

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