Sunday, January 13, 2008

Complicated...

"Care more than others think wise.
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Risk more than others think safe.
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Dream more than others think practical.
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Expect more than others think possible."
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Howard Schultz
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I read this quote tonight on Jimmy James' blog and it seemed to land on my shoulder. I like that I approach life this way, but does it also make me unwise, unsafe, impractical, unrealistic?
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Often I am unfamiliar with Middle Ground. Sometimes I knowingly take a turn to the right or left before I get to Middle Ground. I believe in abundance and I can easily imagine overcoming odds and distance. I don't trust easily, but when I do, I'm committed. When I'm healthy and confident, I would consider this description of me a compliment by friend or foe.
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But I am not quite healthy or confident right now. A few spheres of my life are spinning wildly and I'm tired. It doesn't help at a time like this to question my core beliefs in caring, risking, dreaming and expecting, especially when it leaves me uncertain about my own values, beliefs, strengths.
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So here's where I'm back to: Given what is, what am I to do?
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Back to Acceptance. I may not like what's happening, I may need to figure out how better avoid depletion, I may feel passionately sad about changes I wish weren't so. But now and ultimately, I want to accept at least as well as I choose to care, risk dream and expect. I'm working on it. Today was a better day than yesterday. And tomorrow I'd like to wake up with a better dose of patience and kindness toward myself. I really am a piece of work--I know that--but I do try. For now, let me simply accept that.

19 comments:

  1. kj's sounding pretty serious these days. i hope there's a vacation around the corner....

    :)

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  2. Hhehhee, KJ you're speaking like your're referring to someone who isn't yourself in your comment.

    Which brings me to my first thought about the quote by Howard Schultz. I didn't see it having to do with anything unwise, unsafe, impractical or unrealisitc unless you DO care what others really 'think'. Thinking for yourself is a lot wiser, safer, practical and possible thing to do.

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  3. Of course you are very tired. There is a small war going on between your mind and your body (knee). Given what is, what are you to do? Nothing at all. Just wait in peace.

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  4. You are so hard on yourself considering what you have on your plate these days! But what I love about you is that core of strength you have that always guides you. Forget the Middle Ground as the emotional place to be... there is so much to be gained traveling into the extremes. You have the inner stuff to do it... That being said, I really do hope things keep getting better and better soon... they will!

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  5. That quote could have been written for me.

    As far as you go, I think you should try not to stand still too much concerning your current situation. It is what it is, and it is temporary. Think of what has been and what can and will be.
    Strive towards how you want it to be later on, one step at a time and take your time. Not too much, but give yourself the time to get there.
    It will be very rewarding, I'm sure.

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  6. pieterbie is right! Patience, things will change. This temporary space in time does not define you!

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  7. KJ, my sage advice for today is rest and wait. Give yourself a finite period of time if you must, but just spend a week or two healing. When I finally surrendered to the idea that my brain is mush and it needs to recharge, I DID recharge and I got some perspectives that I would have missed if I had rushed a decision to "fix my life".

    For me, rushing means going back to something that kinda worked before-and I don't want to do that.

    Have a hug and a mug of tea, and spend the day contemplating the wisdom of your dog-you'll be glad you did.

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  8. kj, haha, yes, i see a vacation in your future. can't say when yet...

    anon, i got the idea of being the first comment from you. i wish i never cared what other people think, but i often do. sometimes that's just fine, but not when i'm reeling already!

    wieneke, i wish i could wait. but i have two "patients" here who are worse off than me, and a few heavy decisions as well. that said, "wait in peace" is just what i needed to hear. thank you.

    carla, my wise friend: your words mean so much--thank you, especially your advice about middle ground.... :)

    pieterbie, wow! you've said exactly what is most helpful. yes, all this is temporary. yes, one step at a time. thanks as always

    rm, thank you, thank you.

    debra kay, i can wait but i can't quite rest. but all this advice is being put to immediate use.

    thanks everyone--it's amazing how much your words help: i feel like my own reality show!!

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  9. Hi KJ! If I know anything is that life goes by fast. And the next thing you know this will all be behind you and you will be stronger for it:)

    Sending good, healing vibes!

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  10. Acceptance is a big step and a good one ... first there is awareness. Awareness is hard to face, but acceptance is harder ... the good part of that difficulty is that what comes next is action. When we accept what we're now aware of (as sad, good, bad, or otherwise as it is) the answers come as to what we should do next. I'm with Anon -- there's nothing in that quote that is unwise or unsafe ... it's something to strive for and you're doing it, baby! :) Awareness, acceptance, action ...

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  11. I like the Jimmy James quote.

    I think you should just -BE KJ- and the different you each day brings with it. :)

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  12. I like your attitude. I believe in balance. If you do more than you are designed to do - is that balanced? Give me the balanced, moderate life any day. Or does that make me boring? Probably - but at least I'm balanced. ;)

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  13. Sometimes life stinks. So it is good to have a handkerchief or spray some Hermes or Chanel all over. If not, just grab your friend's sleeve and cover your nose. If your friend stinks, go back to the handkerchief.

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  14. Hhehheee Ces, sometimes if not well, tired or run down/off feet, I wear a stand of pearls when wearing my pyjamas :)

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  15. Hang in there, KJ. Rest and heal.

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  16. Anon, have you been watching me?

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  17. No Ces, have you been watching me!?! I wear a 'strand' of pearls and not a 'stand' anyway. I might need to hide my chocolate just in case ...

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  18. Hi Kj! I hope things work out soon. They always do -- sometimes in ways that we don't expect, but that's not a bad thing most of the time.

    I've slowly been catching up with people since the holidays. I'm feeling a bit unraveled at the moment. Too many balls in the air, I guess.

    The last two chapters you posted...omg.

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  19. kj,

    i hope you are taking good care of yourself these days. i've been traveling a lot for internship interviews these days, so i have quite a bit of catching up to do. just know that i am thinking of you and hoping things begin to look up soon!

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