Thursday, December 06, 2007

Chapters 17 & 18

Regular friends and visitors to my blog know that its content is usually respectful and appropriate. So please be forewarned: the language in Chapter 17 is definitely X-rated. Authenticity insisted.
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Chapter 17

Mike walked into Hough’s Tavern with his shoulders folded inward and his head dropped into his chest. He moved like a limp balloon. He took small steps toward the bar and put both hands on the stool to steady himself before he sat down and looked up at Danny. His soft blue eyes were deep and red and hollow.
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“My wife’s a fucking lesbian, Danny”.
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Danny opened his mouth full circle, then fell back with a squint. “What kind of a fucking lesbian?" He paused. “You mean like a real one?”
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“Yeah”,
Mike said, “A real one.”
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“Whoa”,
Danny said, “You’d better see a priest, Mike. Or a marriage counselor”
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Mike shook his head. “There’s another problem, Danny. You know she’s sick. She could die. Not for sure, but maybe. Her time is at a premium.”
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Danny scrunched his eyes into his nose. “Well what the fuck does she want if she’s dying, Mike? Who the fuck would even date her?” He paused again. “That’s if lesbians date, you know..”
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“Remember her friend, Lily, Danny? She loves her. I’ve known for years. She loves me and the kids, but I knew. She’s tried. She really has. So how can I expect….?”
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Mike stopped and sat perfectly still.
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“Oh Jesus the fuck, man” Danny said. “What a bear”.
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“Yeah”, said Mike. “What a fucking bear."
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Chapter 18
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"After I got my diagnosis you can imagine my wild hysteria. I would look at Andy and Amy and erupt just thinking about the possibility of them without me. And Mike. How would he manage? And the business?--who would run it? It's amazing how you think about things when you've got limited time staring you in the face.
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Just before I started chemo I went to a psychic praying and hoping she would tell me I’d be ok. Instead she told me about you. She said we are soul mates. That’s the first thing she said--that there was nothing either of us could do to make it otherwise, that destiny linked us together. I went to her desperate to hear that I would live, Lily, that cancer would not take me out, and instead she talked about you--and I was relieved. Relieved, Lily. I know exactly what you’re thinking: I’m as utopic as ever. But really, how could any normal person think otherwise? How would she have even known about you?
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In the days that followed chemo I couldn’t do much except lie in bed and watch my hair fall out, until I finally had it fashionably shaved, Howie Mandel style. Sometimes I would vomit in my little plastic wastebasket—do you remember it?—the one you gave me with the leopard design?--and I would begin my private symphony of fear and helplessness, over and over and over. But every second, before, after, even in between the dry heaves, there was your face. Your voice. There you were, your green worried eyes and so serious solemn face—the expression you make only in dire moments-- fluffing the pillow for me and telling me to get a life. Get a Life??? I’m lying in my real bed, sick as a dog wondering if I will die, and I’m hearing your imaginary voice telling me matter of factly to get a life, and I find myself laughing out loud. The rollercoaster that will always be Lily and Alex—how deep and real it felt, then and now, even in my pathetic misery.
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I’ve struggled with all this for weeks now. I've talked to Mike, and I've prayed hard and deep. Then I knew I had to tell you: I’m still here, Lily. "

15 comments:

  1. oh, the x-rated part was the husband and bartender swearing. Disappointed!
    Not in the writing of course, but after I read the warning, I thought, finally, some details. *sigh*

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  2. geeez rm! get that imagination of yours reved up and you'll have no problem with details! at least so i hope!

    :)

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  3. This is a sad story. How emasculating for a man. Imagine his wife having an affair and to top it all with a woman! Someone once told me that a bisexual is a lesbian who has not made up her mind. Sexuality aside, the woman needs to make up her mind. Unfortunately most men do not think that a wife having an affair with another woman is committing adultery. I really do not know what to think of all of these. This is a very complicated and messy scenario. It's a double-edged sword for the husband. He'll be a traitor if he leaves a wife he loves at a time when she has cancer. I feel so sorry for the husband and the children. It's a riveting story and I can't wait to see how it all ends, if only I can supress my superego.

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  4. You are doing a great job of revealing all the different facets of the problem. It's like real life, where a shift in perspective can shift the entire view.

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  5. ces, whoever told you that "a bisexual is a lesbian who has not made up her mind" is quite wrong. it's scientifically well established that many people have an equal interest and attraction to both sexes. depending on norms and cultures, some act on this, some don't.

    i know what you mean about mike and the children. it is all very sad. i don't see him struggling with being a "traitor" to alex, but rather loving her so much that he painfully understands her position.

    and what's this about suppressing your superego?!

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  6. debra kay, you snuck in on me!thank you for this feedback--i really hope to show the complexity of it all, as life often is: without villians, just people trying to figure things out.

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  7. Don't mind me now. Just keep writing.

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  8. oh kj- I finally sat down to read this all in one piece. I can hear your voice so clearly as I'm reading along. I love that. I'm glad you're continuing this- it's something special. Can't wait to read more!

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  9. Unconditional....
    " i don't see him struggling with being a "traitor" to alex, but rather loving her so much that he painfully understands her position"
    yes....

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  10. First time i've read about how mike is taking all of this. more please? :D

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  11. HAHA, I love the comments too! Might turn up late next time! Both these chapters are very sad KJ! But I understand necessary for the story.

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  12. ces, don't mind you? that will never happen!! :)

    nichole, i was just thrilled when i saw your comment here. thanks for slushing through this story from that weekend when you heard the first words....and thanks for your always special support. we are friends...

    singleton, yes, yes. at the intersection of understanding, i'm glad to find you there.

    mench, more? ha! i can't help but do more. it has a life of its own now. thanks again and again.

    anon, you know, i didn't truly know I would be writing a sad story. i thought it was a love story. i have little control! i hope it turns out better than 3 boxes of kleenex! (thanks to you too)

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  13. Well written, interesting and easy to read! Hooked me right in.

    The conversation between Mike and Danny - I feel as though I was a fly on that wall :)

    And the chemo - how true - what goes through a mind during moments such as this.

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  14. I finally caught up. Wow.
    I wrote a huge response replete with male limbic node sentiments and some futurecasting which I convinced myself NOT to send in case you got mad at me.

    I am sure that you have considered the scenario that I wrote about but perhaps it is best to just crumple it up and stick it in my drawer until you are finished.

    I just wanted to say that personally I don't know one guy who would not consider a lesbian affair to be a betrayal of equal or greater severity...especially if they had a religious cosmology.

    Ok ready for more..

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  15. my eyes are filled with tears again...

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