Friday, April 27, 2007

Thursday 13: GRRRRRRR

A few weeks ago I sat down and whined my way through a Thursday 13 that reflected my state of impatience and bitchiness. I had no intention of actually posting it, but it felt good to just let it rip. I wrote out 13 things that irritate me and cause me to either complain or fume. Only because I am currently back to my calmer self , I can admit that most of the following 13 things that bother the hell out of me often begin with my hurt feelings and confused emotions and only after that do they become irritations and sometimes true-blue anger. Today I am not irritated or angry. I am happy and calm--so much so that I've decided to post my earlier bitch session and enjoy every complaining moment of it. I'veupdated my comments and embellishments, but in a nutshell, here's my original post:

I'm not in a very good mood. I am tired of making the effort to see someone's point of view at the expense of my own. So in the interest of letting off steam and enjoying the luxury of bitching, here are 13 things that irritate the hell out of me.

1. People who show up late and fail to apologize: Maybe I'm late myself sometimes, but come on--why can't you acknowledge that you've kept me waiting and say you're sorry? You can be sure I'm not going to bring up my irritation unless you are a really good friend or special person to me, but I'll make a mental note that you have a character flaw. By the way, your flaw is not being late--it's being thoughlessly rude.

2. Sloppy or shoddy work--I don't care if you're a physician earning $ 300,000 a year or a cashier at the grocery store earning $ 8 an hour: have some damn pride in your work. Don't cut corners because you're lazy or tired and expect me to accept that. Don't act like you could care less and don't blame someone else or say there's nothing you can do to make the situation better. Why can't you just be helpful and polite?! And it's even worse if you aren't awake or conscious enough to even know when your work is sloppy or shoddy.

3. You talk non-stop about yourself and neglect to ask anything about me: Generally I'm a patient person and a good listener. But I have to tell you--after about 20 minutes of hearing about you-you-you, I'm tuning out. Discussions involve more than one person, remember? How about a small inquiry into how I'm doing? Or a small acknowledgement that I am listening and supporting your talk-a-thon?

4. Making plans with me and then changing them to suit yourself: I can be flexible and it's not like my time is always rare and limited, but come on--I've set time aside for you and maybe even I'm excited to see you. When you nonchalantly change plans, or ask me to re-juggle--especially at the last minute--I'd like to think you have a better reason than "Something's come up" or "So-and-so has an extra ticket to the ballgame". Fine. I'll re-classify you. You can be my "who cares--maybe-we'll-find-time-and-maybe-we-won't friend."

5. People who complain about someone to me but then kiss up to them: I try hard enough to avoid gossip, but sometimes I listen and participate because it looks like you need someone to vent to. Ok. That's fine. But if you bitch about Susie's behavior and three hours laterI see you fawning all over her, count me out. I hate hypocrites. Don't waste my time with fair-weather games.

6. Borrowing something and not returning it : Listen, I hate to give up my stuff, but I will if you ask nicely and you need it. However, it's not part of the deal that I have to chase you down or uncomfortably remind you about the $ 20 I lent you or the book or gardent tool you asked to borrow. You borrow it: have the decency to return it before I'm wondering if you ever will.

7. Telling me I am too sensitive or too demanding. You say this, I shut down. End of story.

8. Asking multiple questions when it's obvious I don't know the answers: If you ask me a question, I will tell you what I know. I try to provide the amount of detail I think you want. But with a few people it's never enough. My poor partner JB. She gets alot of flak from me about this. This is how it works:

JB: Did you talk to Jessica today?

Me: Yes. She and Mike are going out to dinner tonight for their anniversary.

JB: Where are they going?

Me: I don't know.

JB: What time are they leaving?

Me: She didn't say. She just told me they were celebrating over dinner.

JB: Whose watching the baby?

Me: Gee, I didn't ask.

JB: Is Janna going with them?

Me: I didn't ask.

JB: Do you think Janna is staying with the baby?

Me: I don't know.

JB: What else did you and Jess talk about?

Me: Oh, she got an award at work?

JB: What kind of award?

Me: She was in a rush. I think it was for exceptional performance.

JB: For something specific or in general?

Me: I don't know.

JB: What did she say?


9. Taking advantage of my good nature and tendency to be kind: Listen, I'm a pretty nice person. I try to be reliable and for most people I care about I'm there in good times and bad. But don't take me for granted, and don't keep asking without giving back. It's about balance. If things get too one-sided, I'm apt to bail.

10.Moodiness--I've talked about this before. I don't want to be told that I'm "too sensitive", but if someone I care about is moody and I don't know why, I will think it's either something I've done or the person doesn't like me. And what's the harm in making an effort to be pleasant, anyway? If you have to be moody, at least paste a phony smile on your face or stay home and go to bed until it passes.

11. Failing to acknowledge an animal's hello-- If my dog approaches you with a sincere wag of the tail or head on your lap, that is a gift. Unless you are genuinely phobic, you should be grateful for any expression of love. If you miss it or push it away, you are a jerk. That's my opinion.

12. Being insensitive and then blaming me for not standing up for myself --Oh come on! You're rude or thoughtless, you overlook my feelings or take advantage of me, and then you tell me I should have said something.? Yes. How does this sound: "You are an a----e." How about you police your own behavior instead of expecting me to?

13. Complaining about the same problems over and over and over and over but not doing anything about them. Just how many weeks or months do you think I should listen to your sorry complaints and miserable lot in life before you either take my advice, follow your own, or accept things the way they are? Some people just love to be victims. Please--find someone else who is more sympathetic than me. I will hang in for quite a while while you learn and grow, but forever? No can do.

Gee. I feel such relief. I had no idea ranting and raving could be so therapeutic. I recommend it. Try it. You might genuinely enjoy unburdening yourself as much as I have....... You might even find yourself smiling..........


  1. This is all so true - it could be made into a play!
    Has been great catching up - I see you have been to a couple of weddings too. I just ADORE that wee Ryan of yours - what a cutie-pie.

  2. Loved your ranting, KJ.
    All so true!
    But this one, I have never really taken much notice of: "Failing to acknowledge an animal's hello."

    I shall look out for these silent greetings from now on and return them.

  3. Oh my, almost half of these could be me.

    About animal's greetings: that should not be taken against a person. If some big or even tiny hyperactive dog came over to me I would die! I can't stand cats who wrap their bodies around my legs the moment I visit a friend and some cats dare sit on my lap!!! and dogs too crawling over my shoulders and resting their faces on my leg. What is up with that?! I have dog and cat hairs on my suit!!! Yeah right! Why can't I aknowledge their "hello" from a distance like I do with people?

    Asking multiple questions when it's obvious I don't know the answers: Well, I cannot stand it when someone just gives me half the details. Why even bother to tell me? It will just stir my curiosity. I'm with JB. I live with someone who gets irritated because I ask too many questions. I get irritated because I get baited and then there is no morsel, just a hook!

  4. And Liz said: AMEN!

    I agree with so many of these things! And with Chief Biscuit- this would make a hilarious play.

    As for the animal's hello... I don't hold it against people if they ignore my dog's friendly, hopefull expression, as I know they may be phobic or just not into animals. But they'll never be my kindred spirits. :)

  5. You deserve a good rant now and then, kj, as you are almost always so completely upbeat. And I can identify with all of these -- ALL of them -- not that I'm complaing, mind you :).

  6. Whew! I bet that felt good! :) And ... I promise to get Snow Flower and the Secret Fan back to you in October. ;)

  7. Ok I agree 100% on every single item but I need to do it emphatically..think Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally...

    oh yes,
    mmm yes,
    oooh YES,
    Oh GAWD YES!
    YES! YES!!

    I'll have what you're having.

  8. I agree with you on 6. I really hate that.
    What I also hate if people who act irritated and when you ask them what is wrong, they answer 'Nothing'.

  9. Did I write that?
    Hi there, I am catching up with your blog. The Colorade pictures look wonderful. You seem to get around quite a lot!

  10. Rant on, girlfriend! Your list is justified.

  11. chief, nice to have you back. i adore ryan too. he has stolen my heart.

    cream, it's good to be on the lookout for kisses from animals. they count!

    ces, you know fully well when stella, who is a big dog, approached you, you kissed her. you did not care about dog hair and you let her rest her face on your leg. you are a closet animal for questions, i like your questions. i think you ask just the right amount!

    liz, oh, this would be a great play. i will just stand there and complain.....

    thank you, andrea. i'm glad all these things bug you too.

    melissa, yes, getting these complains off my chest felt great! i am NOT worrying about that book one bit, btw.

    he, orgasmic is not what comes to mind as i roll out my bitch list...

    pieterbie, i see you as someone who takes good care of his possessions. i'll bet you are a very good neighbor, willing to lend your things to help people. i wonder why i don't know people who say "nothing" when i ask what is wrong. ususally i get an ear full!

    cris, how nice to hear from you! i'm traveling here and there only because my partner jb is only working part time and i am assuming the life of a penniless writer. we have more time than in the past. we'll enjoy it while it lasts!

    singleton, i am so glad you visit my blog. thanks for the encouragement!

  12. Pleased you had a fun trip.
    As for the gripes...they are probably true for most (if not all) decent,caring people.
    So, having read yours, I'll just get on with other things;a sort of whinge-by-proxy!

  13. gosh I feel so much better now! Thanks kj that was goooooooooood!!!

  14. A "closet animal lover"? I think this is the second "closet" description you assigned me.

    If I may comment on Pieterbie's comment. I think the "Nothing" response refers to a male-female conversation when a woman really has a lot to say to a man and replies "NOTHING!"

  15. I would definitely pat your dog if he approached me :) Heck, I pat dogs who don't approach me, as long as they look friendly.

  16. Oh, my goodness, I couldn't agree with you more!
    Although I do feel bad when my two labs leave big slobber marks on peoples pants. - Especially after they've been eating dirt or grass or whatever! hee-hee!

  17. A great Rant! I agreed with every one of them! Thank you for putting it out there.

  18. oh how i hear you on 3, 4 and 9.

    especially 9.

    sorry i missed you tonight (if you were at big yellow). i will see you next monday, i hope!!

  19. I LOVE #13! So dadgummed true!
    I also am amazed at how many people snub my very own "Hi! I hope you're having a good-day" comments.

  20. I'm with you on every single one of these except #11. I love many dogs, but I bear a large scar on my calf from a dog bite. It makes me crazy when people allow their dogs to approach me without finding out first from me if I'm comfortable with it. I know everyone says their dog won't bite, but sometimes dogs do. I spent a good bit of time in an ER over the chunk removed from my leg by a dog, and it changed my thinking.