Friday, April 06, 2007

Emily Speaks Again

Well, this is the second time I am writing this blog for kj. She is paying me a measley amount of money to do this, which I will spend for jellybeans. But I really want a skateboard. You could send me money and I would put it to good use. You could tell the IRS it was for charity.

I almost said the "F" word because of Mr. Coffee Cream. He was very mean to mention what Glenn Close did to the family pet. It made my lagomorph blood boil (hahahaha).

When I first met JB I didn't speak but I sang silly words and she tried to understand me. One time outside a bookstore she got mad at me for talking too much--I was really singing rabbit opera but she told me I was giving her a headache. I don't know why.

So now I know people language very well and even some big words like lugubrious. I don't talk in front of people I don't know, except once.

If I get ignored for too long I say something as soon as I can. If that doesn't work, I either stamp my feet or whine directly from my stomach. If you don't know how to do that you should learn.


Today I am writingt about money:

1. Snowflake the Beautiful and Pieterbie said rabbits do not need money. That is totally not true. I used kj's computer and went on the World Windy Web (www). I found a place called Jellybeans International and I ordered 12 pounds of mixed colored jellybeans. They asked how I wanted to pay for them and I said, "Just send them and I"ll tell you that later". I am waiting to see if the jellybeans come in the mail.

2. kj and JB work in insurance sometimes. This is how it works: people buy insurance so they won't have to worry in case they get sick and can't work.

Then when they get sick the insurance company tries to find ways not to pay them, so they end up worrying anyway.

Where I live, if you buy a carrot, you get a carrot. Plain and simple. This is why rabbits are actually alot smarter than people.

3. At Christmas I expected big presents. I could not believe JB gave me nickels and dimes. I cried and cried. JB got mad. She said I was not nice.

I told my mother that I was going to ask JB for $ 50.00 so we could be friends again. My mother said, "Emily, nobody should be set for life--it makes them too comfortable and then they get careless. That is too much".

So instead I asked JB for five one dollar bills and she jumped at it. She agreed because we didn't know how else to be friends again.

4. My mother says money is the radish root of all evil. (But so what)

You might be happier if you send me money. If you are interested in some rabbit pellets in return, send extra money for postage and I will send you a supply.

21 comments:

  1. What is this? A lagomorph International Scam? I am a rabbit and a real one at that and I don't need money. You can't join my club. In my club members only get hugs and caresses plus good food and perfume.

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  2. HUUUMPH! i am a REAL rabbit also and it's not my fault if you don't need money. i never asked to join your club and anyway i would not be good with the hugs and caresses. and i am allergic to perfume. the good food is ok.
    you should be nicer to me, snowflake. you never know when my impervious ways might help you.

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  3. This is all very strange and uncomfortable to me. I feel like my private live has been exposed. I want Emily to come back home and be my little rabbit.

    JB

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  4. I am hearing that my comment was too serious. I was just playing around, really. I just wanted everyone to know that Ms. Emily is my little rabbit.

    JB

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  5. I did not not invite you to join my club Emily. My advice (even if you did not ask for one) is: go back to your mommy. You should not make the lady uncomfortable especially if she gives you money. I heard she has beautiful hands.

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  7. I'm with anonymous JB and Snowflake. I like JB. I owe a lot to her. She knows what I mean. Please don't make her uncomfortable. I will send you money if you behave yourself (I think I just bribed you).

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  8. jb, for $ 25 i will tell kj she has to do her own blog. i am trying to earn my own money and you should be proud of me.

    ps i am only your little rabbit in private--i do not want the world to know that. i am too spunky to be sweet--wink, wink...right?....

    snowflake, this is my blog for the weekend so why are you telling me what to do? please see above.

    i am trying to be nice just for the next few days but it is getting harder. i may use the "S" word first and then the "F" word. it will not be my fault. i expect compliments and i am not getting them.

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  9. THIS IS NOT FAIR! NOW ISABELLA WELLESLEY IS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. I may respond by telling secret TALES AND TAILS THIS WEEKEND.

    and WHERE are my compliments?

    Sincerely,
    Emily Rabbit

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  11. Emily Dear!

    Oh my goodness. I see that my two girls have been by and they have been very naughty. I am most surprised especially with Isabella. This is very uncharacteristic of my two ladies. I sense a lot of jest. Emily dear, don't be mad and please don't yell and please, pretty please don't use any profanity. Some people take blogging very seriously. Some people cry their hearts out with every rebuttal of their opinion. Some people do not like their blogger visitors to contradict or agree with other visitors' opinions. Not you Emily dear. You are a playful, gentle and fun blogger and KJ is a graceful host.

    I love your name, Emily. KJ will tell you why in secret. You are a smart rabbit and I love your intensity, your passion, your devil-may-care attitude and your boldness to ask for money. I will send you money, not a lot, nevertheless money, if only to PLEASE, PLEASE not devulge any secret tales. I will be crushed. You are so much better than all these teasing and taunting. You are sweet, dear Emily. Please run to JB's arms.

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  12. Yes, I agree that money can be the radish of all evil...
    But how about eighteen carrots, then?

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  13. Now this is interesting: I will send you some money if you do devulge secret tales. Not a lot of money, because I remain convinced that rabbits do not need that filthy stuff. And how are you going to manage 12 pounds of jelly beans anyway? Are you a 400 pounds rabbit or something in that direction?

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  14. Wait a minute Pieterbie. Whose secrets are you baiting? Not yours. I believe the threat was directed to Isabella Wellesley. I have a vested interest on that woman. She does not need any more of her secrets revealed.

    I will double what Pieterbie will send to prevent Emily Rabbit from devulging any secrets.

    Emily, at the risk of you saying F and S, if you ever ever devulge any secret, you are rabbit stew! I love you but I will not tolerate, I can't remember the world, it's too early, what is that word? oh BETRAY - BETRAYAL!!!

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  15. mr pieterbie, i am not overweight. you are a very nice man. i cannot take your money because i presently fear for my safety.

    ces, i liked your first comment and because of it i decided to be sweet afterall. but your second comment was very mean. i don't even know any secrets about you to betray. S---! F---! even though i have a big mouth i am just a little rabbit.

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  16. Dear Emily Rabbit,
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am sorry.
    I am so sorry...

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  17. ces, ok, it really wasn't mean but you shouldn't talk about stews with any little animals. it makes them nervous.

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  18. I'm afraid that I too feel that the reference to culinary practices was over the top.
    OK, I understand, no need for any money to pass hands. And I don't get to know any dirty secrets.

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  19. Pieterbie, I just want to tell you that I am so ashamed of even mentioning it after I admonished my two girls publicly. No wonder they behaved very precariously in this blog. I guess they follow the leader. Hmn, this was surreal.

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  20. well! i have been banished from kj's blog since i accepted a bribe to stop writing on it. after the comment about "cooking", i was very upset and broke dishes on the patio because i threw them everywhere and then i scrunched my jellybeans into the bricks. then i went in a corner of the yard and i cried because kj told me people would like me and be nice to me and that did not happen.
    it was not my fault that i broke the dishes and scrunched the jellybeans.

    but now i am talking with kj about writing on her blog once a week. i told jb i am going to write whatever i want. i know that mr. pieterbie will be very nice to me, but i am afraid of ms. ces, ms. isabella, and snowflake the beautiful who for some reason thinks he is a better rabbit than me. i hope they will be nice to me because i didn't do anything mean to them. i don't even know any secrets about any of them. i don't even know what the word 'betrayal' really means. i am just a little rabbit trying to take care of my jellybeans and have fun.

    please be nice to me next time. if i break more dishes, jb said i would be in big trouble. and it's not fair to make me cry. ok?

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  21. E.R. You are just too cute!

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